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Magic Underwear Boosts Mitt Romney’s Election Chances!

September 8, 2012

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In just eight week’s time, citizens of the land of the free, home of the brave, will choose their next President.

The Presidential Election is on Tuesday, 6 November 2012.

During a passionate speech on Friday (our time), US President Barack Obama positioned the looming election as the most important decision facing Americans for generations.  According to Obama, the election represents a clear choice between those who want a government actively engaged in trying to make life better for all – the Democratic view –  and those who favoured small government; the Republicans.

“When all is said and done – when you pick up that ballot to vote – you will face the clearest choice of any time in a generation” he said.

“Over the next few years big decisions will be made in Washington, on jobs and the economy; taxes and deficits; energy and education; war and peace. Decisions that will have a huge impact on our lives and our children’s lives for decades to come.”

“On every issue the choice you face won’t be just between two candidates or two parties. It will be a choice between two different paths for America.”

In a direct call to voters who backed him in 2008 he acknowledged that the challenges are harder this time around.

“Our road is longer – but we travel it together. We don’t turn back. We leave no one behind. We pull each other up. We draw strength from our victories and we learn from our mistakes, but we keep our eyes fixed on that distant horizon.”

His opponent, Mitt Romney is not too dissimilar to our very own Tony Abbott.  Like Mr Abbott, Romney is a right-wing religious nutjob.  A moron in fact.

When Mitt Romney was governor of liberal Massachusetts, he supported abortion, gay rights, gun control, tackling climate change and mandatory health insurance for all. Now he opposes all those things.

A year ago he supported keeping income taxes at their current levels; now he wants to cut them for everybody, including slashing the tax rate from 35% to 28% for the richest Americans.

He used to support comprehensive immigration reform, including a path to citizenship for those in the US illegally, but now he doesn’t.

Mitt Romney is a devout Mormon.   Mormons believe that the “jesus” visited Missouri between his death and resurrection and that the Garden of Eden was once located there.

Most religions have unusual beliefs but the idea of jesus in Missouri does seem like a bit of a stretch.

Central to Mitt Romney’s Mormon beliefs is the notion that the so-called “Jesus” is actually the brother of “Satan”.

According to Mitt Romney’s Mormon beliefs, Jesus and Satan didn’t get on. “God” was more inclined to side with jebus, while “Satan,” also known as “Lucifer” (like the firestarters) rebelled against them and became their enemy.

Mitt Romney also believes in “the power of special magic Mormon underwear,” a garment that requires believers to wear at all times of the day and night as a constant reminder of the promises they have made to “God in the Temple” to be “honest and faithful” to “the commandments of the Lord.”

In a lucid world, you’d think that most people would discount the notion of religious right-wing nutjob from becoming President of the United States, let alone a Mormon High Priest, however we are talking about the US, and at this stage the election race is neck and neck.

This site, provides some insight into how close the race actually is.

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58 Comments leave one →
  1. el gordo permalink
    September 8, 2012 5:18 pm

    The original Mormons, the founding fathers, were also conscious of alien fashion.

    Joseph Smith said “The inhabitants of the moon are more of a uniform size than the inhabitants of the earth, being about six feet in height. They dress very much like the Quaker style and are quite general in style or the one fashion of dress. They live to be very old; coming generally, near a thousand years”

    Mitt won’t discuss moon fashions, so lets hope the satirists do. Or is it against the rules to offend someone’s religious beliefs?

  2. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    September 8, 2012 5:50 pm

    I’m not sure who I’ll support. I find Michelle Obama’s teeth too protruding, but I’m not sure I like Romney’s graying at the temples – is it genuine?

    American politics is a conundrum.

    (Fifi thinks Bill Clinton could have done better than Monica Lewenski too, and she’s a fair judge of such matters)

  3. September 8, 2012 6:11 pm

    “Mitt won’t discuss moon fashions”

    But he does have cosmic undies. Apparently.

  4. September 8, 2012 6:19 pm

    Nicely pisstaken, reb.

    Couldn’t have skewered the religious oddity better myself. Only problem is…Obama, who may not even be religious, is too fkn scared to come out & call the fable what it is. Not surprising really, in the Nunuland of US politics it would be political suicide. The dumbass joe sixpacks aren’t ready to face reality; maybe they never will be.

    So, in that case, I guess that the golden book & Smith’s mental prophecising & revisions of the bible into a weird UScentric cult aren’t all that strange, as far as made up crap goes.

  5. September 8, 2012 6:28 pm

    Boss, I am just amazed AMAZED that even an absolute fkn fruitcake like Romney is even considered a potential President candidate.

    What hope is there for the world…?

  6. September 8, 2012 6:57 pm

    It’s par for the course for the United States of Disneyland, reb.

    It’s only the degrees of idiocy that vary.

  7. First Tuesday permalink
    September 8, 2012 7:03 pm

    Hey, I just realised: the presidential election is on Melbourne Cup day! It’s an omen. Back the dark horse! (Or is it the grey?)

  8. September 8, 2012 7:10 pm

    Or is it the olive drab one who isn’t even a citizen?

  9. Murky citations permalink
    September 8, 2012 7:50 pm

    Reb, you do realise that a link to real Clear Politics earned me a Guffaw from a certain commenter here? I’s obviously run by raving right wing nut jobs. (it has a “Religion” tab, FFS!)

  10. el gordo permalink
    September 8, 2012 8:09 pm

    This is a turn-up for the bookies…

    ‘…nearly two-thirds of Americans think Barack Obama would handle an alien invasion better than presidential candidate Mitt Romney, according to a new poll about extraterrestrials from the National Geographic Channel.’

    Source Huffpo

  11. Wordsmith permalink
    September 8, 2012 8:12 pm

    Does Reb write for Christwire? Because, if he doesn’t, he should. (I’m only going by sentence construction, mind you.)

  12. September 8, 2012 8:22 pm

    Christwire is the funniest shit on the interwebz!!!

    Scroll down to comments & check out some of the sincere religious nutjobs who actually think they’ve found fellow travellers on the world’s biggest parodysite.

  13. You blaspheme, sir! permalink
    September 8, 2012 8:31 pm

    Yeah, I’m sure all the commenters are deadly serious and aren’t in on the joke either. 😯

  14. September 8, 2012 8:33 pm

    Some of them aren’t. That’s good enough for me. Cheap laughs at their expense.

    That’s the danger of happily suspending their disbelief.

  15. Show us you're nuts permalink
    September 8, 2012 8:44 pm

    I think I might have been too kind to those religious nutjobs on that site. Clearly they’re religious and nutty.

  16. el gordo permalink
    September 8, 2012 8:50 pm

    Beware the gay contagion…

    Unbelievable.

  17. Salt Lake Smalls permalink
    September 8, 2012 8:57 pm

    Where can I get me some of them Mormon undies? (Just to make sure I’ve got all bases covered, mind.)

  18. el gordo permalink
    September 8, 2012 9:08 pm

    Not my style…

    http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1207/mittromney.html

  19. Not on my watch permalink
    September 8, 2012 9:22 pm

    Wow! That link is even more reason for me to ridicule Mormonism, el gordo. They believe some far fetched shit. 😆 So, even though the American constitution says anyone can believe whatever the hell they want to believe, this Mormonism stuff is way OTT! (And should be banned.) (Especially if they have s presidential candidate. Fuck that LOL )

  20. September 8, 2012 9:23 pm

    Ridiculed is fine.

    Banned is not the same.

  21. Bring it permalink
    September 8, 2012 9:31 pm

    ‘Ridiculed is fine. Banned is not the same.’

    I was being mischievous. But Romney’s Mormonism will be one of his opponents’ lines of attack. As it should. Any belief system should be able to withstand sustained attacks.

  22. September 8, 2012 10:04 pm

    I agree.

    The beauty of religion, for believers, is that it requires such a disconnect that the really keen ones are almost impervious to the idea that maybe it’s all bullshit. Ya gotta admire blind faith; it must take some kind of sterling effort to avoid cross referencing with reality.

    Also, some of mormonism’s biggest opponents are dogmatic christians. They fail to recognise the equal legitimacy of it.

    All very amusing from afar.

  23. Speechless permalink
    September 9, 2012 6:34 am

    O.M.F.G.! 😯 😯 😯

  24. el gordo permalink
    September 9, 2012 7:58 am

    We may laugh at Romney’s faith, but nobody questions the incumbent on his ignorant beliefs.

    “Yes, my plan will continue to reduce the carbon pollution that is heating our planet – because climate change is not a hoax,” the president shouted to delegates in Charlotte, N.C. “More droughts and floods and wildfires are not a joke. They’re a threat to our children’s future. And in this election, you can do something about it.”

  25. September 9, 2012 9:01 am

    That Christwire site is truly brilliant! I have added it to our blog roll. God bless them.

  26. el gordo permalink
    September 9, 2012 11:23 am

    More on the underwear, apparently it protects Mormons in battle.

    http://1857massacre.com/MMM/mormon_underwear.htm

  27. September 10, 2012 12:08 pm

    Gordo .. “the underwear, apparently it protects Mormons in battle.”
    With all the gun-nuts over there, I wonder if the `garmies` have been tested, any clues?

  28. September 10, 2012 12:19 pm

    Dunny .. “mormonism’s biggest opponents are dogmatic christians. They fail to recognise the equal legitimacy of it.”
    =
    =
    You`re correct Dunny. Mitt`s other problem tho, is he`s an East Coaster. Only one wife. The mormons in Kansas, Arizona, Utah, Texas, Nevada, Mid-West, most are closet polygamists. So Mitt is not mormon enough, if that makes sense. .. Did you ever see a show called `Big-Love`?

  29. el gordo permalink
    September 10, 2012 1:23 pm

    ‘..any clues?’

    Putting faith in the power of underwear is not a good look.

  30. el gordo permalink
    September 10, 2012 3:43 pm

    Mormons lack credibility because of their weirdness.

  31. September 10, 2012 5:29 pm

    Every man imagined religion on the planet is in the same boat.

    The only people who don’t find their doctrines, myths & fantastical rationalisations to be absurd are those on the inside. Few of them entertain the possibility that their brand of lunacy may not reflect the ‘true god’ & that the other guy’s strangely different (but equally imaginative) religion may be right.

    What’s more, there seems to be a real lack of recognition of this blindingly obvious juxtaposition amongst the religious.

  32. TB Queensland permalink
    September 10, 2012 7:00 pm

    It’s par for the course for the United States of Disneyland, reb.

    LOL! And here I was thinking that USD meant US Dollar …. 😆

  33. September 10, 2012 9:50 pm

  34. September 15, 2012 3:34 am

    http://preelectionpolls.com/

    No supporters for Obama .Please vote if you want Obama! He’s loosing on this pre election polls!!And prove you are a Real Obama Supporter

  35. Sparta of Phoenix, AZ USA permalink
    September 15, 2012 7:16 am

    “And prove you are a Real Obama Supporter”

    Why on Earth would you do that? No more affirmative action and chiefs please…Foreign Policy-fail, Economy-fail, Transparent government-fail, nepotism-fail, domestic policy-fail…etc……pleaaaaaase….No more change we can believe in…LOL

  36. el gordo permalink
    September 15, 2012 8:15 am

    I voted for Obama in the hope that he produces universal free health care for their downtrodden masses.

  37. Sparta of Phoenix, AZ USA permalink
    September 15, 2012 8:36 am

    Universal Free Health Care,

    Well, hardly free my friend and in fact, CBO says it will be well passed what they predicted as is expected…However, some good reforms in the bill but as a whole, bad legislation. The fact he tells the American people it will be a penalty only to go into the Supreme Court and argue it is a TAX says much I am afraid…It will bankrupt us on my different levels…

    I just find it baffling that despite evidence to the contrary (many countries going broke due to entitlements) he passes such legislation…Again, some good parts but mostly a tax grab so they will stop raiding other funds like social security…

  38. el gordo permalink
    September 15, 2012 8:51 am

    ‘hardly free my friend’

    I admit ignorance on the finer points, but surely they could adopt Australia’s system without breaking the bank.

    Came across a couple of US citizens recently who were furious that the poor should be entitled to free health care.

    guffaw

  39. Sparta of Phoenix, AZ USA permalink
    September 15, 2012 10:24 am

    el gordo,

    You have to remember something my friend…We are trying to introduce a huge entitlement program to a country of 312 million plus firstly. You have a population smaller then California…Secondly, it has loopholes that allow for the insane, like healthcare for illegal immigrants (20 million plus), no tort reform etc…We have a country where half of our citizens pay NO INCOME TAX which means 150 million will be supporting the rest and we are all flipping broke or taxed to the hilt…

    You can get away with such programs on a smaller scale when most are paying in, yes it works…But look around the world, their isn’t one system, to include your own that is running in the black. Only a few European countries with tiny populations comparably speaking are managing….

  40. el gordo permalink
    September 15, 2012 11:15 am

    Yeah…I can now see the debate mote clearly. Thanks.

  41. September 15, 2012 11:56 am

    I’d much rather have what we have here in terms of healthcare than the dysfunctional, ruthless sytem you have over there, Sparta.
    Seems to me that if you’re below upper middle class in the US, you better not have any debilitating health problems or you’re up against the wall pretty damn quickly. Here, the safety net would catch the overwhelming majority; not just the well off.

    Personally, I think my taxes should be spent on a fair universal health system as a priority.

    I recognise the different scales of population between Australia & Disneyland, but I think a lot of the apprehension is due to profoundly different attitudes as well.
    There is no such thing as a perfect system, but your cutthroat way of doing things is far less perfect than what you’d find here.

  42. Sparta of Phoenix, AZ USA permalink
    September 15, 2012 10:47 pm

    “There is no such thing as a perfect system, but your cutthroat way of doing things is far less perfect than what you’d find here.”

    Anybody can walk into an Emergency Department and receive FREE care mate…Its law..

  43. September 16, 2012 11:28 pm

    Arizona Arse Clowns of the republican flavor would do well to watch a video called `sicko` by michael moore. Arse Clowns could then realize that national health care is not a communist plot and, how stupid disneyland is. Last time l checked Canada, England, Australia, France and much of Europe are not communist. lgnorant yank public is really being screwed by the corporatologists.

  44. Sparta of Phoenix, AZ USA permalink
    September 17, 2012 4:33 am

    730,

    Oh dear lord…I must say, you are a brilliant individual, a great champion for your cause, how could I have been so misguided….Please, never stop putting your intellect on display for us here…Now this is “fact” not entertainment so it may be difficult for you to follow SAT 730 but do try…Such information is readily available to any interested in FINDING IT…LMAO. Oh, and one more time, I am an INDEPENDENT not a Republican so try to not pop your cranium remembering that little detail either..

    http://www.nber.org/papers/w11833.pdf?new_window=1

    V. Conclusion

    Growth since 1970 in aggregate healthcare spending by our ten OECD governments
    reflects first and foremost growth in benefit levels (healthcare spending at any given age).
    Indeed, three quarters of overall healthcare expenditure growth and virtually all of growth in
    healthcare expenditure per capita reflect growth in benefit levels. Although OECD countries
    are projected to age dramatically, growth in benefit levels, if it continues apace, will remain
    the major determinant of overall healthcare spending growth.

    The very rapid growth in benefit levels documented here is clearly UNSUSTAINABLE. No
    country can spend an ever rising share of its output on healthcare. Benefit growth must
    eventually fall in line with growth in per capita income. The real question is not if, but when,
    healthcare benefit growth will slow down. Raising benefit levels is one thing. Cutting them
    is another. If OECD governments spend the next three decades expanding benefit levels at
    their historic rates, the fiscal repercussions will be enormous.

    The fiscal fallout is likely to be particularly severe for the United States. Like
    Norway and Spain, its benefit growth has been extremely high. But unlike Norway, Spain,
    and other OECD countries, the U.S. appears to lack both the institutional mechanism and
    political will to control its healthcare spending. America’s elderly are politically very well
    organized, and each cohort of retirees has, since the 1950s, used its political power to extract ever greater transfers from contemporaneous workers. The recently legislated Medicare drug benefit is a case in point. Although the present value costs of this transfer payment is roughly $10 trillion, not a penny of these costs is slated to be paid for by the current elderly.

    There is, of course, a limit to how much a government can extract from the young to
    accommodate the old. When that limit is reached, governments go broke. Of the ten
    countries considered here, the U.S. appears the most likely to hit this limit.

  45. el gordo permalink
    September 17, 2012 6:52 am

    ‘you are a brilliant individual’

    That’s a good line, I’ll keep it in mind for future reference.

  46. Sparta of Phoenix, AZ USA permalink
    September 17, 2012 7:07 am

    el gordo,

    We are all prone to the occasional outburst but honestly, this guy is just trolling….That being said, there are some good parts to the legislation but as a whole just folly and as written without revision will bury the US…..

  47. el gordo permalink
    September 18, 2012 8:58 pm

    Romney caught thinking out loud…

    “There are 47 per cent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you name it,” Mr Romney said. “These are people who pay no income tax.”

    Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/world/hidden-camera-catches-romneys-real-thoughts-on-the-other-47-per-cent-20120918-26456.html#ixzz26okw2dTM

  48. September 21, 2012 2:46 am

    It seems the magic `garmies` didn`t prevent Romney from shoving his foot in his mouth. It is also interesting that `all-things-Mitt` only equal 47%. So we can calculate 53% are earning enough to pay income tax, but the 47%, who earn so little, don`t. Shit, that must mean nearly half the country is on/near the poverty line.

  49. September 21, 2012 7:54 am

    “that must mean nearly half the country is on/near the poverty line.”

    Correct, approx 50% of Americans live at or below the poverty line, courtesy of the GFC.

  50. TB Queensland permalink
    September 21, 2012 9:38 am

    Correct, approx 50% of Americans live at or below the poverty line, courtesy of the GFC.

    Plus awful “Workchoice” like IR laws and begging for tips …

    Land of the free my arse …

    And the disease will creep across Australia, if given half a chance.

  51. el gordo permalink
    September 21, 2012 10:14 am

    ‘And the disease will creep across Australia, if given half a chance.’

    A mild influence, our cousins are a different mix and surely with such a stark economic division in the US it must be time for the long awaited Marxian revolution. Not the dictatorship of the proletariat, created around this time last century.

    It was a bad idea.

  52. September 22, 2012 1:04 am

    Lets gish gallop .. Indeed, three quarters of overall warfare expenditure growth and virtually all of growth in warfare expenditure per capita reflect growth in destruction levels. Although other companies are projected to rage dramatically, growth in weapons levels, if it continues in space, will remain the major determinant of overall warfare spending growth. The very rapid growth in invasion levels documented here is clearly UNSUSTAINABLE. No country can spend an ever rising share of its output on warfare. Weapons growth must eventually fall in line with growth in per capita income. The real question is not if, but when, warfare profit growth will slow down. Raising profit levels is one thing. Cutting them is another. If usa governments spend the next three decades expanding profit levels at their historic rates, the fiscal repercussions will be enormous. The fiscal fallout is likely to be particularly severe for the usa, just as Iraq and Vietnam were major wastes of bodies and bounty.

  53. September 22, 2012 1:16 am

    reb .. “Correct, approx 50% of Americans live at or below the poverty line, courtesy of the GFC.”
    *
    I suspect the GFC is only the Latest. Nearly 3 decades of trickle-down reaganomics, tax-welfare for the rich, off-shore tax havens, etc, have been beating the yank working class down as much, if not more than the latest Load of disaster. Unregulated nonsense like sub-prime, has been a gravy train for the rich, while the workers lost their house.

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