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September 15, 2012


She calls him “Big Willie.”

He calls her “Tits Galore.”

It’s the SHOCKING NEW ROYALS SEX SCANDAL that has the Royal Family in uproar and outraged staunch Monarchists around the globe – disgusting, sordid photos of Kate Middleton sunbathing topless have been published in a UK magazine called “Closer.”

Hot on the heels of Prince Harry’s bum-baring naked sex party Las Vegas romp fest, topless photos of Kate Middleton have now surfaced, throwing Prince William’s poised and—until now—scandal-free wife right on to page 3.

The photos were reportedly captured while the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge were on vacation in Provence in France at a chateau owned by Queen Elizabeth II’s nephew, Lord Linley.

The photos show Will and Kate sunning themselves on a patio, with the duchess initially wearing a two-piece, black-and-white strapless bikini.

At one point, Kate removes her top and sunbathes in the buff. She also later applies sunscreen to Will while still topless.

The Royal Knockers

Another shows Kate bending over while “Big Willie” slaps her backside!

The slot machine

The entire sorry affair represents yet another gross invasion of privacy and a disgusting display of gutter journalism that has come to characterise the European press.

What is it with the Royals and Naked Sex Romps?

First it was toe-sucking Fergie, now it’s all of them!

The Duchess of York

Naked Royal Romps Reaching Epidemic Proportions!

We asked the Royal Family whether the increasing propensity of members of the royal family to get their kit off and dance and strip and cavort in unseemly circumstances and situations was part of some underlying mental illness or drug induced psychosis, but they refused to respond, suggesting that this is all some part of an endemic illness within “the firm” (as the royals are known) that they wish to conceal and are trying to cover up.

Is Prince Harry a Sex and Drug Crazed Psycho?

If Prince Harry wants to get his kit off in a lavish Las Vegas hotel suite surrounded by gorgeous young women indulging in cocaine and other such substances then surely he should be entitled to do so without some insolent opportunist from the feral underclasses capturing the royal jewels on film for monetary gain.

*Disclaimer The Daily Trash did not receive any royaltities for this editorial.

22 Comments leave one →
  1. September 15, 2012 11:29 am

    they are only human 🙂

  2. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    September 15, 2012 11:31 am

    I’m warming to the royal family. Kate seems nice, though if I were heir to the throne, I’d have Katie Price/Jordan available in the maid’s quarters.

  3. September 15, 2012 11:43 am

    I hate royals on principle. Topless, bottomless, drunkenly cavorting or not.

    Pity the hordes who actually take an interest in their privileged lives & perpetuate the false hereditary gravy train.

  4. September 15, 2012 11:51 am

    I’m fairly ambivalent about the royals.

    However if someone said to me that I could swap places with Harry, then I might be convinced to think that they’re a very worthwhile institution.

  5. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    September 15, 2012 11:55 am

    I’d swap places with Harry too, but I wouldn’t bother with the Afghanistan part. I’d stick to becoming an expert at “nude pool”.

    Is that an Olympic sport?

  6. September 15, 2012 12:01 pm

    Corgis aren’t even real dogs!

  7. September 15, 2012 12:02 pm

    “the Afghanistan part”

    Oh, the whole “Afghanistan thing” is just to make the British public think that they’re getting something in return for the millions they throw at the royals every year.

    I have it on good advice that the so-called “footage” of Prince Harry in Afghanistan is actually all filmed at Pinewood Studios and then just meshed with some old footage from MASH to make it look like he was actually there.

  8. September 15, 2012 12:05 pm

    He has a stunt double. Like the goat raper who stands in for Al Adeen in The Dictator.

  9. September 15, 2012 12:13 pm


    Is Prince Harry a Bastard…?

    Before her death, and prior to the birth of Prince Harry, Princess Diana had an affair with redhead Major James Hewitt…

    The exclusive photographic evidence! But don’t just take our word for it. Here is the new irrefutable proof!!

  10. September 15, 2012 12:23 pm

    He’s definitely a sonofabitch, bastard or not!

  11. September 15, 2012 12:37 pm

    That’s a bit harsh isn’t it Toiletboss…?

  12. September 15, 2012 12:51 pm


    He’s definitely a sonofabitch ranga, bastard or not!

  13. el gordo permalink
    September 15, 2012 2:33 pm

    There was talk at the time and the resemblance is uncanny.

  14. September 15, 2012 5:56 pm


  15. September 15, 2012 6:13 pm

    You can yawn all you like deknarf but I don’t see you providing us with links to cutting edge news and information…!!

  16. TB Queensland permalink
    September 15, 2012 7:19 pm

    Would you like to know what I think about, The Firm?

    BTW, have you noticed that the German family wot lives in Buckingham Palace are far more crude than you and me and that’s why people photograph them … do you walk around with no clothes on in your back yard? FMD!

    (Reporting from sunny Queensland {circa 2012} recently escaped from Taswegia {circa 1950} ) 🙂

  17. James of North Melbourne permalink
    September 15, 2012 7:59 pm

    If I was a news editor in England I’d have a picture of the photographer on the front page with the heading “PEEPING TOM”.

    I don’t care if you’re the firm or you’re Joe Bloggs down the road. You can get your gear off in private without some perve taking pictures.

  18. Tony permalink
    September 15, 2012 8:15 pm

    People – “royals” included – should be allowed to do whatever the fuck they want provided they’re not hurting anyone else.

    It’s highly amusing when people who are forever pointing out the fallacy of royalism simultaneously expect a higher standard of behaviour from members of Teh Firm.

  19. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    September 15, 2012 11:04 pm

    ”You can get your gear off in private without some perve taking pictures.

    Excuse me, but please don’t refer to me as a perve. The Fifi & Lulu calendar will be available for Christmas.

  20. public toilet permalink
    September 16, 2012 7:09 pm

    The German Windsor royals should behead a few Frenchmen in reprisal for the publication of these horridly offensive photos; monarch be praised!

  21. September 20, 2012 3:17 pm

    How does a commoner like me get in on this? I see nothing wrong with strip billiards or going nude on the beach – but why do the royal twits get to have all the fun and then act offended
    when the cat gets out of the bag? Don’t expect any sympathy from me when you can shed
    oceans of tears to float the royal yacht. People who have no incomes are parasites.

  22. el gordo permalink
    September 20, 2012 3:26 pm

    ‘People who have no incomes are parasites.’

    May I quote you on that?

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