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POPE QUITS! “I’M TOO SICK TO GO ON!”

February 12, 2013

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The world awoke this morning to the SHOCK NEWS that the leader of the Catholic Church Pope Benedict XVI has quit..!

The 85-year-old, who blamed his age for preventing him from continuing at the head of the papacy, will be the first pope to do so in centuries.

“I have had to recognise my incapacity to adequately fulfill the ministry entrusted to me,” the head of the world’s 1.2 billion Catholics said.

Pope Benedict XVI will be the first Pope to resign years after they’d already been made redundant.

The German “intellectual” succeeded the long-reigning and popular John Paul II in April 2005 aged 78 after serving nearly a quarter-century as the Church’s doctrinal enforcer, earning himself the nickname “God’s Rottweiler”.

Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger’s hardline approach, his nationality and his age were all seen as handicaps to his becoming Pope, and Benedict had famously said in a 2010 interview that he would resign if he felt he could no longer carry out his papal duties.

As head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith and then as Pope, he rejected the ordination of women and marriage for priests. He opposed homosexuality and communism and was never afraid of upsetting political sensibilities.

The Rottweiler’s Legacy:

  • Pope Benedict XVI once attacked rock music, calling it “the expression of basic passions”. Twitter, on the other hand was “hip.”
  • In 2006 he endorsed the views of an obscure 14th-century Byzantine emperor declaring that Islam is “inherently violent.” The lecture sparked violent protests in several countries as well as attacks on Christian targets.
  • In 2009, the Pope-meister struggled with a backlash from the Jewish community after he invited a breakaway ultra-conservative faction back into the fold of the Roman Catholic Church by lifting the excommunication of four bishops – including one who insists that no one died in Nazi gas chambers.
  • Later in 2009,  on a trip to Africa, the region hardest hit by the AIDS pandemic, he said that condom use was contributing to the spread of AIDS.

Sources close to the Pope said that while the announcement was a surprise it was not completely unexpected. In fact one source told TDT that the the Pope was spotted at “The Cardinal’s Karaoke Club” last week singing “That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight losing my religion..”

When One Pope Quits Another Popes Up

Speculation is rife about the identity of the new Pope.  The selection process is a bizarre ritual that involves the burning of documents and smoke signals. Something that Michael Williamson and Craig Thomson might be familiar with.

We understand that Julia Gillard as already phone for an application pack.

 

 

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56 Comments leave one →
  1. February 12, 2013 10:03 am

    You can donate to the Pope’s retirement fund by using his Papal account.

  2. February 12, 2013 10:21 am

    This is the second papal resignation in over 650 years. It’s becoming monotonous.

  3. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    February 12, 2013 10:22 am

    It’s such a pity. He seemed so young and vibrant…well, compared to the rest of them.

  4. February 12, 2013 10:32 am

    l wonder if we can ship out Jensen or Wallace to Rome with Pell, it would be nice to reduce the national bigot level.

  5. February 12, 2013 10:39 am

    LOL @ Miglo… 🙂

  6. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 10:44 am

    Pell for Poke Pope!

  7. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 10:47 am

    As head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith and then as Pope, he rejected the ordination of women and marriage for priests. He opposed homosexuality and communism and was never afraid of upsetting political sensibilities.

    Other sources from within the Vatican have simply described him as …

    “… and ignorant old prick …”

  8. February 12, 2013 10:54 am

    pope `ratz` also failed to bring to justice the `pedo` priests issue, which rightfully still bites the churches arse

  9. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 11:17 am

    Just in from our European sauces 🙂 …

    “… and ignorant old Nazi prick …”

    If the, Pope, is the, Voice of God, we really are in deep doo doo … 😯

    So where are all our godbotherer brothers and sisters this bright morn sad day …

    A deep depression has dropped down on dogs desciples … 😦

  10. February 12, 2013 11:26 am

    “So where are all our godbotherer brothers and sisters”

    From memory I think we only had ToSY and Snacty…

    Even the Pope doesn’t want to be part of the Catholic Church these days.

  11. February 12, 2013 11:35 am

    “Ratsinger’s resignation spells the end for the Mad Monk…”

    http://www.independentaustralia.net/2013/politics/ratsingers-resignation-spells-the-end-for-the-mad-monk/

  12. 2DT Shock Jock permalink
    February 12, 2013 11:36 am

    I used to be a member of the RC Church when I was younger

    But then I stumbled upon girls and fornication so I had to re evaluate what was the important stuff

  13. 2DT Shock Jock permalink
    February 12, 2013 11:41 am

    “Ratsinger’s resignation spells the end for the Mad Monk…”

    Bob Ellis is off his nut.

    He’s not even amusing these days. He just seems to hate everything and everybody in equal amounts.

  14. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 11:42 am

    From memory I think we only had ToSY and Snacty…

    Yeah, thought the reident evil accountant was one …

    Even the Pope doesn’t want to be part of the Catholic Church these days.

    LOL! Now that should be framed!!!! Platinum, Jummy! Platinum! 😆

  15. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 11:43 am

    FK!

    Let me say that again!

    From memory I think we only had ToSY and Snacty…

    Yeah, thought the resident evil accountant was one …

    Even the Pope doesn’t want to be part of the Catholic Church these days.

    LOL! Now that should be framed!!!! Platinum, Jummy! Platinum!

  16. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 11:44 am

    Frigging fingers like toes … I need a keyboard with six inch square keys!

  17. 2DT Shock Jock permalink
    February 12, 2013 12:04 pm

    “… I need a keyboard with six inch square keys!”

    You’d f**in’ whinge about a drum kit.

  18. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 12:09 pm

    You’d f**in’ whinge about a drum kit.

    LOL! Forgive him for he knows not what he says! LOL!

  19. February 12, 2013 12:39 pm

    I couldn’t give a ratz.

  20. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 12:42 pm

    That’s not like you RT … 😉

  21. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 12:44 pm

    This is the second papal resignation in over 650 years. It’s becoming monotonous.

    Tells you something about Popes … only two smart ones in 650 years … 😆

  22. el gordo permalink
    February 12, 2013 12:51 pm

    Surely its just a coincidence.

    ‘A sign from God? Lighting strikes the basilica of St.Peter’s dome earlier this evening during a storm that struck Rome on the same day Pope Benedict XVI announced his resignation’

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2276884/Pope-Benedict-XVI-resigns-First-Pontiff-600-years-stand-longer-strength-carry-on.html#ixzz2Ke4tezcG
    Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

  23. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 1:35 pm

    Lighting strikes the basilica of St.Peter’s dome earlier this evening during a storm that struck Rome on the same day Pope Benedict XVI announced his resignation’

    In business, nothing happens by coincidence … 🙂

  24. el gordo permalink
    February 12, 2013 1:47 pm

    Then it must be a sign.

    Bet the Nostradamus fan club has something to say.

  25. February 12, 2013 1:48 pm

    growing problem of creationism being taught in Australian schools or, more broadly, about the intrusion of religion generally into our public school system.
    http://thatsmyphilosophy.wordpress.com/2013/02/12/qa-is-teaching-creationism-child-abuse/
    more churchy kookieness folks

  26. el gordo permalink
    February 12, 2013 2:34 pm

    The media knew of his possible resignation a couple of years ago, by digging into the pope’s thinking.

    Ratzy is a big fan of Celestine, who also quit the top job.

    http://www.vatileaks.com/announcements/pope-may-resign-soon-says-italian-media

  27. public toilet permalink
    February 12, 2013 3:00 pm

    Aufwiedersehn, Pope Nazi…

  28. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 3:15 pm

    … growing problem of creationism being taught in Australian schools or, more broadly, about the intrusion of religion generally into our public school system.

    Happening at my local state school down the road … we complained year before last at the Christmas Play put on by the junior school (1-4 classes) and the over the top preaching by the “school councillors” … it really is an insidious way of injecting Christianity into secular schools … really creepy stuff! (and religion was “believed” by many of the older scientists because they knew about the Spanish Inquisition … among other career destroying controls the churches employed)

    I just spent half an hour reading the comments on your link, 073, and its like the Dark Ages have returned … I was educated in a CofE primary in the UK … and I must confess that I was made to feel uncomfortable in the 50-60s when I challenged any concept of Christianity (later all religion) …

    Creationism soul food for the 80%!

  29. February 12, 2013 3:35 pm

    As you probably guessed/know TB, l`m a non-believer and l just don`t think it`s a good idea scaring small children with sins and devils or poisoning science and technology with bullshit. Nothing good will come from either.

  30. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 4:44 pm

    Agree … 703 … I see the Pope believes that god created time too (see the watch in the photo above) …

  31. el gordo permalink
    February 12, 2013 4:56 pm

    In a carbon filled universe the odds are against us being alone, but if the deity created time and space then its his choice, its a wasted opportunity.

  32. 2DT Shock Jock permalink
    February 12, 2013 6:16 pm

    “… I was educated in a CofE primary in the UK …”

    Finally confirming my constant suspicion that you never made it to high school.

  33. February 12, 2013 6:19 pm

    Soooo, I thought Herr Pope was supposed to be the embodiment of the voice of madeupshit on Earth?
    How then, can der Papal Fuhrer ‘resign’?

    Did Herr Celestial-obergruppenfuhrer change its mind about the magnitude of divinity flowing through its rottweiler?

    It’s all so confusing to a faithless non-imbecile like myself.

  34. February 12, 2013 6:24 pm

    Maybe he knows about the descending shitstorm which will accompany the ongoing investigations into sexual abuse at the hands of his institutions; and the nasty stains left by the attempts of the hierachy, including himself, to obscure the magnitude of it & move perps around when possible?

    Verboten…

  35. el gordo permalink
    February 12, 2013 6:34 pm

    ‘How then, can der Papal Fuhrer ‘resign’?’

    Like Celestine ….God has spoken to him. This is a convenient state of mind.

  36. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 7:10 pm

    Finally confirming my constant suspicion that you never made it to high school.

    … if you’d cared to read my posts over the last few years I would have told you that quite a few time, yer Wally … no revelation … went to work at 14.5 …

  37. February 12, 2013 7:10 pm

    Too convenient by half.

    Like Celestine, making shit up as they go along. That’s how religion ‘evolves’.

    Funny how their tolerances change & denominational faultlines happen along… in proportion to the light of reason & the dwindling availability of blissful ignorance.

  38. February 12, 2013 7:14 pm

    Real work too, TB.

    The wearying, dirty handed kind. I salute you. It is a good teacher & a builder of character & doesn’t mean a life sentence of it. I think it enables a greater understanding of what the ‘average’ person goes through, day to day; and the realisation that goes with that.

  39. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 7:15 pm

    … the descending shitstorm which will accompany the ongoing investigations into sexual abuse at the hands of his institutions; and the nasty stains left by the attempts of the hierachy, including himself, to obscure the magnitude of it & move perps around when possible?

    I don’t think the rottweiler is quite the a sacrificial lamb, Ser Tee, … but I do suspect you’re on the money … run from the Hitler Youth stain – run from the peadophile stain – leopards don’t change their modus operandi … just read Wally’s posts … 😉

  40. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 7:19 pm

    I salute you Humbled, ta, mate …

    +++++++++++++++++++

    Ya see, Wally, some people read and comprehend my posts … I have no reason to BS … what you see is what you get … and you must know that I’ve revealed more of my background than anyone here (hey, ToM?)… most don’t try and take advantage … and I thank you for that …

  41. February 12, 2013 8:04 pm

    In fairness, opting out of Hitler Youth at that point in time & at that age was probably a test of moral character not attainable by most German youths…let alone Herr Gott’s fantastical hybrid guardhund to be.

    I reread Rise And Fall Of The Third Reich (W. Shirer) in the last fortnight …& it reminded me of the staggering scale of the situation/attrocity/tragedy/waste/ruthlessness/egomania.

    Still, I don’t need much of an excuse to unleash my inner ugly fantasy club derider.

    I couldn’t give a toss who’s pontiff, beyond trying to remember which specific man created pseudo-deity to mock.
    I imagine appointing the next one will be much more of a political-machinations-of-the-church appointment, than anything resembling a celestial contemplation.

  42. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 8:12 pm

    Pope Pell the politician perhaps? 😯

    Winter is coming!

  43. el gordo permalink
    February 12, 2013 8:20 pm

    ‘Like Celestine, making shit up as they go along. That’s how religion ‘evolves’.

    Christianity evolved from mysticism and superstition… and over time the institutionalisation produced corruption and inhumane behaviour.

    This from the link above;

    ‘Before and during his five-month pontificate, Celestine lived a hermit’s life in a cave in the wild mountains of Abruzzi, south of Rome. The old monk was of ‘limited learning and completely lacking in experience of the world’

    ‘The cardinals, later realizing that the pope they elected after two years of deliberations was a simpleton, were moved to demand his resignation. Chief among those who pressed him to abdicate was Benedetto Gaetani, a rich and robust prelate of great ambition. It was widely believed that Gaetani had a speaking-tube put through gaps in the stone enclave of the pope’s cave, and a ‘voice from heaven’ bade him resign.

    ‘The ‘mentally deficient’ (ibid) Celestine was convinced that ‘God had spoken to him’, and abdicated. Then, in February 1296, Gaetani purchased the papacy from the cardinals for 7,000 gold florins, and became Pope Boniface VIII (1234-1303). He imprisoned Celestine in the grim and solitary castle of Fumone near Ferentino in Campagna, and so brutally was he treated that he died soon after.

    ‘The existence of a bullet hole in the skull that the Vatican says is that of Celestine’s has historian’s claiming that Pope Boniface VIII ordered Celestine to be shot. Pope Clement V (1305-14) canonized Celestine in 1313 at the urging of Philip IV of France who saw it as an opportunity to demean Pope Boniface VIII whom Philip despised.’

  44. February 12, 2013 8:25 pm

    I doubt they’d risk, Herr Pell. What with the ghastly ichor likely to be cast upon him by the royal witchunt commission; even if only indirectly.

    Pretty sure it won’t be an African either. Don’t really think the Catholic Church is actually that ’embracing’ just yet. Near as I can tell they’re still squeamish about such things as contaception & what the guys down the road are up to in their bedroom etc.

    I reckon The Real Lord will return to rule the Earth with a magic wand & smite non-consumers. Who needs a pope when you are The omnipotent fable itself?

  45. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 8:37 pm

    I reckon The Real Lord will return to rule the Earth with a magic wand & smite non-consumers. Who needs a pope when you are The omnipotent fable itself?

    Just who was the AntiChrist anyway … sorry, fancy asking afellow non-believer! 🙄

  46. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    February 12, 2013 9:00 pm

    Apparently Raffa Nadal and Maria Sharapova don’t walk on the white lines of a tennis court during games – I’m not sure whether this makes them any better at tennis.

    Superstitions can be like that – benign. It’s a pity religion isn’t.

  47. el gordo permalink
    February 12, 2013 9:11 pm

    The anti christ will appear in the east, supposedly.

  48. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 9:11 pm

    Apparently Raffa Nadal and Maria Sharapova don’t walk on the white lines of a tennis court during games …

    Chuckle … have you ever played tennis, surfer boy, FMD, what you posit is nigh impossible … especially for WINNERS! 🙄

    Evidence woul be good … then you might have “some” credence! “Apparently”, doesn’t cut it, I’m afraid …

  49. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 9:13 pm

    The anti christ will appear in the east, supposedly. </i.

    And again?

    Evidence would be good … then you might have “some” credence! “Supposedly”, doesn’t cut it, I’m afraid …

  50. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    February 12, 2013 9:21 pm

    Well what I mean is that between points during a game, they don’t walk on the white lines… and I do play tennis sometimes. Fifi looks good in a little skirt.

  51. TB Queensland permalink
    February 12, 2013 9:35 pm

    LOL! I serf (sic) sometimes too … 😆

  52. el gordo permalink
    February 12, 2013 9:58 pm

    Not being an expert on the esoteric… there are three antichrists, the second was Hitler and the third is code named Mabus.

    Its the biggest load of hocus and not to be taken seriously, unless your name is Mabus.

  53. el gordo permalink
    February 12, 2013 10:30 pm

    Mabus has been located in the east, obviously just another coincidence.

    http://e-ring.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2012/11/28/mabus_begins_pivot_talks_in_china

  54. el gordo permalink
    February 13, 2013 6:45 am

    The lightning actually struck the dome twice….

    ‘The spooky moment, believed by some, to be a sign from God, was caught on camera by AFP photographer Filippo Monteforte.

    ‘Today he described how he took the incredible image which has been beamed all over the world.

    ‘He said: “I took the picture from St. Peter’s Square while sheltered by the columns. It was icy cold and raining sheets. When the storm started, I thought that lightning might strike the rod, so I decided it was worth seeing whether – if it DID strike – I could get the shot at exactly the right moment.”

    ‘Filippo, armed with a 50mm lens, waited for more than two hours and was rewarded for his patience with not one but two bolts.

    ‘He added: “The first bolt was huge and lit up the sky, but unfortunately I missed it. I had better luck the second time, and was able to snap a couple of images of the dome illuminated by the bolt.”

    ‘The lightning touched the dome of St. Peter’s Basilica, one of the holiest Catholic churches, after the Pope’s shock admission he lacks strength to do the job.’

  55. el gordo permalink
    February 13, 2013 7:22 am

    Picking the new pope will be fun ….. ‘one international agency has predicted it will be the biggest non-sport betting plunge in their history.’

  56. TB Queensland permalink
    February 13, 2013 9:31 am

    … and was able to snap a couple of images of the dome illuminated by the bolt.”

    Yeah, right … oh, here comes some lightning – snap, snap … 🙄

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