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North Korea Threatens to Blow Up the Whole World!

April 4, 2013

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Following on from its recent declaration of war against the United States and its allies, the fashionable leader of North Korea Kim Jong-un has revealed secret plans to blow up the entire planet.

The threat, announced earlier today from Pyongyang reflects a new direction in the despotic leader’s strategy which has traditionally targeted the US and South Korea.

An unnamed army spokesman said in a statement carried by the Korean Central News Agency that troops have been authorised to counter worldwide aggression with “powerful practical military counteractions”.

The warning came after the Pentagon said it will deploy a missile defence system to the US Pacific territory of Guam to strengthen the region’s protections against a possible attack.

Kim Jong-un: He’s got the whole world in his hands

US Defence Secretary Chuck Hagel has lashed out at North Korea’s recent rhetoric, calling it “a real, clear danger and threat” to the whole world.

He added that the US is doing all it can to defuse the situation.

Deployment of the Terminal High Altitude Area Defence System is the latest step the US has taken to bolster forces in the region in a far-reaching show of force aimed at countering the North Korean threat.

The Pentagon already has sent dispatched bombers, stealth fighters and ships.

The land-based missile defence system includes a truck-mounted launcher, tracking radar, interceptor missiles, and an integrated fire control system.

Julia Gillard will save us!

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Australia’s Prime Minister Julia Gillard has announced that she will personally talk about the issue of North Korea’s when she visits China later this week.

Ms Gillard will visit China to discuss investment, trade and “security matters.”

Ms Gillard has welcomed the fact that China was enforcing UN sanctions against North Korea.

”But of course this threat to peace and stability in our region will be the subject of discussions that I will do personally, in person, as me” she said.

The prime minister said she was taking the ”most high-powered delegation” to China that Australia had ever sent.

The delegation includes singing comedian Craig Emerson who will perform an “interpretive dance” movement to the theme from the musical “Farewell My Concubine.”

Meanwhile,  the Pentagon has said that it will boost defences for American citizens in Guam, a US territory, and the US forces stationed there.

A spokesman for some spokesman we might’ve spoken to said that North Korea’s new threats could escalate “out of control.”

“The problem with situations like this is that they can quickly escalate out of control, with neither side willing to back down through fear of losing face,” said our anonymous source.

“And then we’re all fucked,” he added.

 

 

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15 Comments leave one →
  1. TB Queensland permalink
    April 4, 2013 10:51 am

    모든 빌어 먹을 거짓말은 … 당신에게 호주 놈들을 죽어!

  2. Ol' Sancty permalink
    April 4, 2013 11:26 am

    나는 누군가가 그의 정신을 잃은 생각합니다.

  3. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    April 4, 2013 11:43 am

    So we have Gillard and Craig on the job. North Korea is finished! They’ll want to bomb themselves rather than be lectured by those 2.

  4. el gordo permalink
    April 4, 2013 11:56 am

    I like Kim’s basin cut.

  5. April 4, 2013 12:31 pm

    It’s just Kim’s April Fool’s joke that everyone’s taking seriously. So much hot air coming of out North Korea I’m surprised it doesn’t melt, or float away!!

  6. Splatterbottom permalink
    April 4, 2013 1:02 pm

    It would not surprise me at all, given Gillard’s obvious infatuation with Kim’s ultra-low carbon emission economy and her evident determination to set the Australian economy on a similar footing, to see her adopt his rhetoric as well. She also craves her due as our dear leader and will no doubt soon announce Australian ICBM tests and an expansion of our nuclear facilities while warning the Indonesians that each boat arrival is an act of war which will be answered with the full might of Australia’s military machine.

  7. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    April 4, 2013 1:17 pm

    Just listening to Rudd speak about North Korea. He sounded mature, rational.

    Now let’s listen to Gillard.

    What a shocking embarrassment it is to have Gillard representing us.

  8. April 4, 2013 4:14 pm

    Kim-Jong won`t put us out of our misery. We`re stuck with sep-14.

  9. Badabing permalink
    April 4, 2013 4:24 pm

    Ticktock.

  10. April 4, 2013 4:34 pm

    정중부 / 鄭仲夫

    최우 / 崔瑀, Tony Abbott, 임유무 / 林惟茂 arseclown.

    최충헌 / 崔忠獻, Pinochet, 김준 / 金俊 Pope Nazi… 임연 / 林衍 Falkland Islands. 이의방 / 李義方 Yarra.

  11. April 4, 2013 4:37 pm

    당신이 내 마지막 코멘트를 읽는다면, 당신은 아마 의심하고 혼란입니다.

    😆

  12. April 4, 2013 5:12 pm

    ArseL이의방 ing Teabags can S이의방 my C이의방 for their F이의방 ing stupid worship of that C이의방 Mr-Rabbit.

  13. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    April 4, 2013 5:26 pm

    Internet translators are fun!

    “If you read my last comment, you’re probably skeptical and confused.”

  14. April 4, 2013 5:47 pm

    ” craves her due as our dear leader and will no doubt soon announce Australian ICBM tests and an expansion of our nuclear facilities”
    Joolya could put the nation on a `war-footing`, that`s nice. At least the teabags would be happy.

  15. Splatterbottom permalink
    April 4, 2013 5:52 pm

    “Joolya could put the nation on a `war-footing`”

    Yes. She has already tried it on the class war front. But the Australian people see right through her and just laugh at the silly git, as do the Indonesians.

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