Skip to content
Advertisements

Rostrum: Special Royal Baby Edition!

July 19, 2013

odd-royal-baby-composite

 

Okay, so I know how so many of you have been demanding a post on the imminent arrival of the “royal baby,” so here it is.

I was thinking earlier today, that perhaps Kate and “Big Willie” as she affectionately calls him for reasons which are perhaps best left to the two of them, could do with some assistance in choosing the child’s name, so I phoned them earlier with some suggestions which I’ll gladly share with youse.

 

If it’s a sheila:

Sheila

Kylie

Danni

Sharon

Jane

Denise

Mahogany

Doris

Lakemba

Deloris

Mercedes

Mona

Canberra

Catching Up

 

If it’s a bloke:

Wayne

Essendon

Duncan

Nasking

Trevor

Rooter

Plank

Frank

Thrust

Turbo

Holden

Any other suggestions…?

 

 

 

 

Advertisements
102 Comments leave one →
  1. TB Queensland permalink
    July 19, 2013 7:12 pm

    WGAF!

    Millions of babies born every day and every one of them is a human being … every once in a while one of them is special and changes the world for good … I cannot think of one from any royal family … unless ruthless is a speshul trait!

    This baby is only a means for one super rich Ultra Bunch of Robber Barons* to make more fkn money …

    *also known as, The Firm … FFS!

    You only put this thread up to annoy me, Jummy! 😈

  2. July 19, 2013 7:15 pm

    “Millions of babies born every day and every one of them is a human being”

    Obviously.

  3. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 19, 2013 7:21 pm

    If I was Prince Tom, I wouldn’t bother with marriage and family until I was about 70.

    I’d take up with some of Richard Pratt’s mistresses, they actually seem quite nice.

  4. IPA permalink
    July 19, 2013 7:21 pm

    Not necessarily.

  5. Dianne permalink
    July 19, 2013 7:30 pm

    That poor little infant is going to come into this world without any freedom of choice. Everything is mapped out. If I were that little creature’s mother I would feel so protective. It gives me the shudders to think about it.

  6. Dianne permalink
    July 19, 2013 7:35 pm

    Tell you what I would have had the child’s ears pinned back. Those mock ups remind me of that fine description of Billy McMahon resembling a Volkswagen with both doors open.

  7. TB Queensland permalink
    July 19, 2013 7:50 pm

    If I were that little creature’s

    It will start life as a little baby and become a little creature and then develop into a big creature …

  8. July 19, 2013 7:54 pm

    Harry and William turned out alright, despite the odds.

  9. IPA permalink
    July 19, 2013 8:34 pm

    Englan are nine down. Only a matter of minutes now and the victorious Aussie (OI!) batsmen will take the field and cement their rightful place in history.

    OI! OI! OI!

  10. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 19, 2013 11:00 pm

    Aussies thrashing Poms!!

  11. Dianne permalink
    July 20, 2013 5:50 am

    Gee wilikers I don’t think I will consult this thread again for cricket commentary.

  12. July 20, 2013 6:59 am

    Who cares!

  13. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 20, 2013 9:05 am

    Princess Shari Lee Madison – has the necessary upmarket appeal, and Richard Pratt could afford the very best

    Prince Jayden the Impaler – would strike fear into the heart of enemies of the British Empire!

  14. July 20, 2013 10:06 am

    “Only a matter of minutes now and the victorious Aussie (OI!) batsmen will take the field and cement their rightful place in history. ”

    *GUFFAW!

    “Aussies thrashing Poms!!”

    *GUFFAW!

    Now, for a reality check…

    “On the back of a spinning masterclass from Graeme Swann (5-44), England routed a hapless Australia for just 128, before staggering to 3-31 at stumps after deciding not to enforce the follow on.
    AUSTRALIA’S AMATEUR HOUR”

    http://www.news.com.au/sport/cricket/ryan-harris-takes-five-wickets-as-england-falls-for-361-on-day-two-of-the-second-ashes-test/story-fndpt0dy-1226682232652

    Ockertards, out in straight sets! Spurn the Urn!

  15. July 20, 2013 11:28 am

    I’m gonna go with…

    Rooter Plank Turbo Thruster Windsor

    If it’s a boy.

    If it’s a girl, you can’t go past, Pip Cafe Windsor.

  16. July 20, 2013 6:12 pm

    If it’s a boy, they should call it, Broad Trot Bradman Windsor.

    GO ENGLAND ! GO ENGLAND !
    GO ENGLAND ! GO ENGLAND !
    GO ENGLAND ! GO ENGLAND !
    GO ENGLAND ! GO ENGLAND !

  17. July 20, 2013 10:36 pm

    Horrendous, shameful Australian batting top order, destined to humiliate their blind followers again!

    Time to soil an ocker tablecloth in triumph!

  18. July 20, 2013 10:38 pm

    Broad Root Bell Windsor…

  19. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 20, 2013 11:14 pm

    Prince Shane Punter

    oi

  20. IPA permalink
    July 21, 2013 8:08 am

    “Horrendous, shameful Australian batting top order,”

    Yep 😐

    “destined to humiliate their blind followers again!”

    Uh huh. 😦

  21. IPA permalink
    July 21, 2013 3:42 pm

    All aboard the Tigger train. 😯

  22. Dianne permalink
    July 22, 2013 9:44 am

    It is their Scottishness tpp.

  23. July 22, 2013 1:28 pm

    August 31 firming as election date http://ow.ly/nbdJ9

  24. Dianne permalink
    July 22, 2013 1:32 pm

    Can’t wait Reb.

  25. Dianne permalink
    July 22, 2013 1:33 pm

    Such choice.

  26. July 22, 2013 2:14 pm

    Have you been to one of our “election drinking games nights” Dianne?

  27. Dianne permalink
    July 22, 2013 2:28 pm

    I don’t drink or elect (in recent times) Reb. Tell me more.

  28. July 22, 2013 2:49 pm

    Actually our Leader’s debates drinking games are more fun than the election night…

    It works like Bingo…

    “Working Families” take a sip…

    “Middle Australia” take another sip…

    “Fiscal conservative” take another…

    “Make the hard decisions” one more…

    “What’s right for Australia” drink straight from the bottle…..!

  29. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 22, 2013 2:58 pm

    If there are 3 debates, I’ll need to head to Dan Murphy’s to restock!

  30. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 22, 2013 3:12 pm

    Scaper comments that we’re ‘intellectuals’ here. For once he’s right (though I think this is ‘intelligent’ rather than ‘intellectual’).

    But then the local poultry farm is ‘intellectual’ compared to his hang out.

  31. TB Queensland permalink
    July 22, 2013 3:39 pm

    ToM, there is a difference in … those intellectuals over there … AND … those “intellectuals” over there …

    I’m surprised the rockshifter can spell interlekshual … he may not know the meaning either … probably sees it as an insult …

    Interesting to see people making comment about PNG. Especially when they have obviously never lived there or visited …

    Someone mentioned a university being built there as part of the Rudd deal … the majority of kids still leave school at Grade 6 … and they have at least two unis … (confess to living there Feb 88 to Feb 89) … and travelled back and forth until 2000, when Ok Tedi had its well documented, environment problems … The Fly River was literally a grey sludge … the PNG Nationals in the Highlands rely on subsistence fishing and farming … not good for them!

    PNG is a very rich country but extremely poorly administered and certainly exploited (thank you, Mr Whitlam) …

  32. July 22, 2013 3:48 pm

    Dirtman doesn’t even know how to use ‘own goal’ correctly in a sentence, ‘little lone’ comprehend intellectualism.
    He thinks he can bluff his way through Cafe Slop using words he saw other people use, but doesn’t understand. When his poor literacy is pointed out to him, his hackles raise & he becomes agitated; this is when his targets are supposed to tremble in fear of his ‘marshall arts’ capabilities.

  33. July 22, 2013 3:55 pm

    Is Teh Royal Baby just a cruel myth? foisted upon us to sell billions of copies of New Ideas? 😯

  34. TB Queensland permalink
    July 22, 2013 4:04 pm

    Nah! Its just a cruel myth to sell ANYTHING … is it born with a crown?

    They recently had to change the law so that a girl could have equal rights as heir to the throne (poor old Winnie would be swooning in his grave) … this was a clever move by The Firm both politically and as a marketing tool … why people get sucked into this nonsense is beyond me … and people who aren’t godbotherers too … how can you believe in kings ‘n’ queens and the “divine right” if you don’t believe in a deity … just tory crap … no-one is “born to rule” … no-one …

  35. dianne permalink
    July 22, 2013 5:12 pm

    the election game sounds hilarious Reb. who is it who tips down Dimple?

  36. July 22, 2013 6:00 pm

    Down my throat, goes the DIMPLE… 😉

  37. TB Queensland permalink
    July 22, 2013 6:06 pm

    Thank goodness, the election will be on a Saturday!

    These days I only have an alcoholic drink on Friday and Saturday evening (special occasions excepted – eg State of Orange when QUEENLAND whupped the Mexicans for the EIGHTH time) …

  38. TB Queensland permalink
    July 22, 2013 6:06 pm

    QUEENSLAND!

  39. July 22, 2013 6:35 pm

    BREAKING NEWS:

    LONDON: Kate and Wills are proud to announce the birth of the new royal heir to the throne Mohammed.

  40. July 22, 2013 6:39 pm

    Is dimple the bottle with three sides?

  41. TB Queensland permalink
    July 22, 2013 6:41 pm

    Yep …

  42. egg permalink
    July 22, 2013 6:42 pm

    The duchess has gone into labour.

  43. TB Queensland permalink
    July 22, 2013 6:42 pm

    But its podgy with dimples … 😆

    Grant’s and Glenfiddich (same distiller) has three sides – and a couple of other distilleries too …

  44. TB Queensland permalink
    July 22, 2013 6:44 pm

    The duchess has gone into labour.

    She wouldn’t know the meaning of the word … utter nonsense …

    She’s just having a baby FFS!

    I do hope its healthy …

  45. July 22, 2013 6:45 pm

    If Kate doesn’t hold the baby over the balcony like Michael Jackson on that webfeed I’m going to be disappointed.

  46. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 22, 2013 7:04 pm

    Exclusive! First photo!

  47. Dianne permalink
    July 22, 2013 7:09 pm

    It is amazing that in a society which still has a clear class definitions that a woman brought up as a child in a council house will soon be grandmother to the heir to the British throne. Life takes some extraordinary trajectories.

  48. July 22, 2013 7:18 pm

    I’d be far more impressed if the Royal Corgi had just squirted out a batch of puppies.

  49. Dianne permalink
    July 22, 2013 7:23 pm

    Have you been on the Dimple again pp. have some respect!

  50. Dianne permalink
    July 22, 2013 7:29 pm

    Actually I may be the only royalist in this company. A royalist republican best describes it. I love Royal weddings, the golden coach, the livery, the clothes, the wasp-waists, the tiaras and fine lace. I admire the Queen and think she is a gorgeous 85? Year old. And, this will make you cross and guffaw, I think Charles is very desirable. I am a republican too as I said earlier.

  51. TB Queensland permalink
    July 22, 2013 7:41 pm

    A royalist republican best describes it.

    A what?

  52. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 22, 2013 7:47 pm

    ”Charles is very desirable

  53. July 22, 2013 7:48 pm

    No, haven’t touched a drop since last week.

    Unfortunately, I don’t have any respect for ‘royalty’ of any persuasion. They are just people, in my eyes.
    In fact, my view is probably polar opposite to what you like about them.
    I don’t get cross about such things though. It is what it is. Each to their own. 🙂

    I definitely prefer Corgis…& they’re down the bottom of my list of preferred breeds of canine.

  54. July 22, 2013 7:50 pm

  55. July 22, 2013 7:51 pm

    😆

  56. IPA permalink
    July 22, 2013 7:55 pm

    I’m not sure about royal babies and stuff but anyone looking for a bit of culture could do worse than watch the return of Housos on SBS at 9:30.

    Just sayin’ 😯

  57. July 22, 2013 7:56 pm

    “They are just people, in my eyes.”

    Indeed.

    I was once introduced to Steve Bracks at a business function, and I said “nice to meet you Steven”..

    I think I was meant to say “Mister Premier” judging by the look on his face, and on the faces of his minders.

    Fuck ’em. They’re just cunts in suits as far as I’m concerned, and I know way too many of them for my liking.

    In fact, I could be mistaken for being an impostor myself, if it weren’t for my unashamed outspoken left wing views….! 😉

  58. Dianne permalink
    July 22, 2013 7:56 pm

    Well we have already established that you are a dandy Tom so I would have thought you would have admired Charles’ clobber.

  59. July 22, 2013 7:57 pm

    “Housos”

    Thanks ToSY…

    I’ve heard a lot about that show, but haven’t seen it…

    I’ll toon in!

  60. Dianne permalink
    July 22, 2013 7:57 pm

    Tpp I much prefer a royal babe to a corgi litter. Now if you were talking about border collies you may have a contest.

  61. Dianne permalink
    July 22, 2013 7:59 pm

    They are just people. People in crowns.

  62. Dianne permalink
    July 22, 2013 8:00 pm

    Hysterical pic Tom

  63. Dianne permalink
    July 22, 2013 8:03 pm

    Tpp. I wasn’t talking about respecting royalty. I just love all the glitter.

  64. July 22, 2013 8:07 pm

    the glitter of the litter…??

  65. July 22, 2013 8:10 pm

    Glitter tends to bring out the disparager in me…just like flags, national anthems & popular icons.

    I don’t mind royal funerals, apart from the overdone wank which accompanies them.

  66. IPA permalink
    July 22, 2013 8:12 pm

    “No, haven’t touched a drop since last week.”

    GUFFAW!

  67. July 22, 2013 8:13 pm

    Border Collies are fine beasts.

    I’m a Jack Russell tragic though. They are way more beneficial to my existence than hereditary interbred Europeans.

  68. July 22, 2013 8:14 pm

    “I don’t mind royal funerals,”

    Me neither. It’s worth celebrating that they bite the dust like the rest of us, leaving this earth with everything we all arrived with and everything we all leave with….

    Life and Death…

    The great equaliser…

    Everything inbetween is just bullshit.

  69. July 22, 2013 8:16 pm

    GUFFAW!

    * what can I say…1400mls is transgressing my weekly quota a tad! 😯

  70. July 22, 2013 8:17 pm

    * sorry, 1050mls…the other 350mls are still calling me in the bottle…

  71. July 22, 2013 8:18 pm

    “It’s worth celebrating that they bite the dust like the rest of us, leaving this earth with everything we all arrived with and everything we all leave with….”

    That’s the other problem with royal babies. They perpetuate the cult of entitlement…

  72. IPA permalink
    July 22, 2013 8:21 pm

    “the other 350mls are still in the bottle…”

    Maybe you haven’t touched a drop of Dimple. But I find it hard to believe that a drop of alcohol hasn’t passed your lips. 😉 (I’m only judging you based on my own habits, mind you, which may or may not be a tad unfair.)

  73. July 22, 2013 8:28 pm

    Haha, yeah, just no Dimple; I kinda poisoned myself.

    I confess that I shared a bottle of red on Saturday night, then had a couple of beers & a couple of glasses of red yesterday while I watched The Famous Crows register a stirring victory.

    I am dead sober right now though.

    The Dimple won’t last out the week, I’m on days off. It will bring me a yearning for it soon enough.

    *looking forward to Breaking Bad cranking up again shortly.

  74. July 22, 2013 8:32 pm

    Tigers can’t miss the finals now.

    Hopefully Essendon get slammed to the bottom of the ladder in the next month; although, based upon what I’ve read today, it seems like they have done some kind of sweetheart deal with ASADA.
    Demetriou won’t readily sacrifice a Victorian cashcow.

    Also, hope Sydney fall down a mineshaft.

  75. July 22, 2013 8:33 pm

    “I kinda poisoned myself.”

    Don’t we all.

    The question is “why?”

    And I’ll be fucked if I know the answer…

    Except cunts have being doing it for centuries….

    Therefore the way I look at it, I’m just a beginner…….. 🙂

  76. July 22, 2013 8:37 pm

    “I am dead sober right now though.”

    How does that feel…?

  77. IPA permalink
    July 22, 2013 8:40 pm

    “How does that feel…?”

    Yes, enquiring minds want to know.

  78. IPA permalink
    July 22, 2013 8:42 pm

    “Tigers can’t miss the finals now.”

    Dunno. If it’s mathematically possible they’ll find a way.

  79. IPA permalink
    July 22, 2013 8:43 pm

    “*looking forward to Breaking Bad cranking up again shortly”

    Fuckyeah!

  80. July 22, 2013 8:52 pm

    Hmmmm, it feels good to know that I won’t be ‘waking in fright’ tomorrow. 🙂

    My job ensures that I can’t lay into it all that often. Sure, I’ll have a couple of beers after dayshift & a couple of Dimples after afternoon shift…but I don’t drink after (or before nightshift) at all.
    I work 6 out of every 7 when I’m on, so that keeps me pretty honest.

  81. July 22, 2013 8:54 pm

    ‘waking in fright’

    great movie…

  82. July 22, 2013 8:56 pm

    *looking forward to Breaking Bad cranking up again shortly”

    A friend leant me the series while I was chilling in Penang last year… Enjoyed it a lot..!

  83. July 22, 2013 9:04 pm

    And just quietly (in case you didn’t know already)..

    I’m not going to pray for your mother (nor mine for that matter)

    or your father (as above)

    I’m not going to pray for your children too.

    Let them live a life unencumbered by our own emotional baggage.

  84. July 22, 2013 9:26 pm

    As long as you don’t prey on them. 😉

    Pray for them if you want, but it would be a waste of time you’ll never get back. Like chanting at a reading lamp or imploring a soup ladle for sufference.

  85. July 22, 2013 9:28 pm

    They made us read Wake In Fright at school.

    Stupid VCE curriculum.

  86. Dianne permalink
    July 23, 2013 7:58 am

    DID YOU KNOW?
    The royal babe will be baptised with water drawn from the River Jordan in accordance with a tradition dating back to the Crusades. Why is it that some traditions continue while others fall by the wayside? I have never understood why Orthodox Jews dress like 19th century Poles in fur hats and long black coats even in the summer swelter of Australia. That said I wish them well and want their tradition to continue as I find it delightful. I would love to wear some sort of trad costume. I yearn for a sari or a dirndl. We are all so drearily modern out here. Do you have a pair of lederhosen tpp?

  87. July 23, 2013 12:27 pm

    I’m fed up (haha, see what I did there?) with the puke inducing saturation coverage of Prince Hypefest already; even though I was fully expecting it. 🙄

    I hope Harry gets caught taking it for a drive & smoking in the car with it, or somesuch.

  88. July 23, 2013 12:29 pm

    No lederhosen, I’m afraid.

    Today I’m wearing my Dying Fetus (no relation to Prince Hypefest at all, DF are a brutal DM band) trackie pants & a Devourment hoody. Rural folk love it when I dress up. haha

  89. July 23, 2013 2:45 pm

    *bump

  90. July 23, 2013 3:02 pm

    little chuckle…

  91. July 23, 2013 3:31 pm

    * guffaw

  92. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 23, 2013 9:20 pm

    Thanks to GT, I am rich. Last time it was only a million pounds I was offered, so I’m not too bothered about missing out. This time I’ve been emailed an offer of over $13mill!

    Goodbye suckers. I’ll be off just as soon at that $13mill is deposited!

  93. egg permalink
    July 24, 2013 10:27 am

    ‘GOULBURN Valley fruit growers are expected to burn 750,000 unwanted trees before spring.

    ‘The dramatic move – which will see 10 per cent of peach and pear trees made redundant across the state – follows SPC Ardmona’s decision in April to slash its fruit intake by half.’

    Weekly Times

  94. TB Queensland permalink
    July 25, 2013 12:14 pm

    More evidence of how The Robber Barons operate in our “egalitarian” society!

    http://www.news.com.au/national-news/victoria/budding-lawyer-too-privileged-for-jail/story-fnii5sms-1226684615435

  95. TB Queensland permalink
    July 29, 2013 4:27 pm

    I see Senator Xylophone is making headlines again … the Café will be pleased with this one …

    http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/national/xenophon-plans-to-take-on-the-trolls/story-e6frfku9-1226687512969

  96. July 30, 2013 8:26 pm

    Just wandered past the cafe, and it seems that it seems like Fed Up is the new manager serving up the usual contradictory faire to the last few remaining Gillard apologists (not that there’s anything wrong with that… But perhaps a name change might be in order…

    Fed Ups Closes Kitchen Early Day.

  97. July 31, 2013 7:38 pm

    Clotting The Vacant Stare…

  98. Evil Walrus permalink
    August 2, 2013 10:35 am

    Put that wine glass away, toss the shot glass into the fireplace, put that brandy balloon back onto the shelf, throw that champagne flute against a wall.

    Grab your favourite Pint Glass because it’ the most important alcoholic day of the year.

    Its…………………… http://www.internationalbeerday.com/

Go on say something, you'll feel better...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: