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Angelina Jolie Convinced She’ll be Dead in Three Years!

September 20, 2013

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****A STUNNING EXCLUSIVE GUTTER TRASH SHOCK INVESTIGATION PROBE !!! **** 

  • Hollywood star convinced of her own imminent death!
  • Husband Brad devastated!!
  • African orphans safe for now.

Angelina Jolie fears she has as little as three years to live and has secretly drawn up a ‘bucket list’ of goals to complete before she dies,” according to a report published today in The Gutter Trash.

According to our “exclusive sources,” we can reveal that the actress is “convinced” that maladies including her family’s cancer history “will end her life prematurely.”

Despite her preventive double mastectomy surgery earlier this year, Jolie thinks “she’s only got three to five years left,” say our “insiders.”

“Angelina is trying to live her life to the fullest because she feels deep down that she doesn’t have much time left,” explained one of our sources.

“She’s going to do everything she can to prolong her life but really believes she won’t even reach her mid-forties.”

 

 

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. public toilet permalink
    September 20, 2013 3:46 pm

    Everybody dies.

    Everybody rots.

  2. September 20, 2013 6:32 pm

    Ha…I see this one’s being kept at arm’s length.

    I meant it generally, not specifically towards Jolie.

    I was reflecting upon the inevitability of biological mortality…and, maybe, taking a bit of a dig at those who thing they will do something other than rot after death (obvious things like incineration aside).

  3. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    September 20, 2013 6:39 pm

    She seems nice.

  4. egg permalink
    September 20, 2013 6:50 pm

    You have me laughing ToM, ever so dry.

  5. IPA permalink
    September 20, 2013 7:48 pm

    Has she met Warnie? (Shangelina?)

  6. September 20, 2013 7:53 pm

    Gee Poor Franky

  7. IPA permalink
    September 20, 2013 8:12 pm

    Shagelina?

  8. September 21, 2013 12:13 am

    ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘Everybody dies.’ ‘ ‘ ‘
    ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘Everybody rots.’ ‘ ‘ ‘
    toiletcantankerousnightsoil
    ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘I was reflecting upon the inevitability of biological mortality’ ‘ ‘ ‘
    ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘taking a bit of a dig at those who thing they will do
    something other than rot after death’ ‘ ‘ ‘
    . 😆
    l am sure our usual friends are building-up their knee callous`s and rotating their rosary-beads upon hearing this view. They will be praying that their sacrifice in this life, as an investment in the next life, is not in-vain. They desperately want to enter a `next`life filled only with their type of unicorn-jockeys and the baby cheeses. Amen.

  9. September 21, 2013 7:15 pm

    . 🙄

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