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Five Things You never knew about Clive Palmer!

October 8, 2013


Clive Palmer. He’s the multi-millionaire magnate that aspires to be Australia’s next Prime Minister, but who is he really and what makes him tick?   The team at The Gutter Trash went undercover and coasted along as “genuine reporters” during Clive’s recent election campaign. Here’s what we uncovered…


1. Hair Colour

Contrary to popular belief, Clive is a natural brunette! His administration assistant, on the basis of anonymity, told us that Clive is incredibly self-conscious of his youthful good looks.  “He feels that people won’t take him seriously, so he dyes his hair grey to make him look more ‘distinguished’ ”  said Sarah Yohansen at his North Sydney office at 22 Walker Street during working hours.


2. “Pope-like” in his choice of clothing

Although he cuts a dashing figure as a stylish man-about-town businessman on the streets of Brisbane’s bcd, Clive opts for a restrained approach to his personal dress-sense. Clearly taking his cue from the recently anointed Pope Francis who has adopted a frugal approach to personal styling.

Despite his incredible wealth, Clive has dispensed with the advice from leading stylists, Dolce & Gobanna, Armani, and Zegna, and today prefers to be dressed by Lowes – the choice of Queenslanders.

Note the generous sleeve length, and seemingly ill-fitting pants.

With a stomach that just doesn’t want to quit, Clive opts for the un-buttoned casual look – a smart move for this larger than life mover and shaker.

Make no mistake, this stunning new corporate look is set to rock the fashion world this Spring!


3. Sporty Clive

Contrary to popular belief, we can reveal that Clive is not featuring in the Spring catalogue of Ralph Lauren “Polo”menswear. No, that honour goes to Tommy Hilfiger, who secured Clive’s modelling talents for a mere five million dollars. Check out the exclusive pictures we obtained for the upcoming Tommy Hilfiger Spring Collection Catalogue above!


4. “Chick-magnet” Clive!

Despite a series of denials from Clive’s head office, we can reveal that the makers of the popular men’s deodorant “LYNX,” Proctor & Gamble have indeed confirmed that Clive Palmer is the “next face” of their LYNX campaign.

“It’s obvious that Clive exudes a certain animal magnetism” said a media spokesperson from P&G.

“Combined with his macho prowess, his disarming good looks, and his ‘wow’ factor, choosing Clive as the next face of LYNX was a no-brainer” said Sheryl Preston from P&G.


5. Is he really real?

Contrary to popular belief, Clive Palmer and Michael Moore have never been seen in the same room together at the same time.

Is this some kind of conspiracy?



25 Comments leave one →
  1. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    October 8, 2013 9:57 pm

    Looks better as a natural brunette. His suit is well fitted, for anyone that is 8 ft tall.

  2. public toilet permalink
    October 9, 2013 12:05 am

    One more thing to be learned by Clive Palmer…

    The grossly wealthy can indeed purchase political representation.

  3. public toilet permalink
    October 9, 2013 12:07 am

    * to be learnt by observing…

  4. October 9, 2013 10:44 am

    Clive has great pedegree as He was minister for propaganda And brown paper bag collection in the sunshine states Safari suit and white shoe brigade. He is an avid prospector as he miraculously finds stuff, something he found under the mentorship of Joe. Wait for the life berth sex tape on imax in xxxxxl entitled titanic in tinfoil…. I go on and on and on forever and ever And ever…..

  5. October 9, 2013 10:46 am

    Wide berth… Bloody phone….

  6. October 9, 2013 12:54 pm

    Shades of ‘fat bastard’ Im dead sexy…

  7. egg permalink
    October 9, 2013 2:08 pm

    I have only one word for Mr Palmer …. vegan.

  8. TB Queensland permalink
    October 9, 2013 2:45 pm

    Go Clivey!

    I do have concerns for his wife she’s expecting their second child!

    How does he do it … in Brissy , the coalfields the next, Gladstone, Sydney AND Canberra, all in one day .. an astoundingly agile fellow … 😯

    Lowes are bringing out a new safari suite range called the PALMer for this new summer season … with 75% of Queensland now drought declared … it should be a winner for price and practicality …

    Clivey’s are especially made from three parachutes … soft on the skin and rustle beautifully as you walk …

    Question what is a Brisbane bcd? 😕

  9. October 9, 2013 2:54 pm

    Bestial Colony [of] Deadshits?

  10. TB Queensland permalink
    October 9, 2013 3:41 pm

    Croweater Extraordinaire 😆

  11. October 9, 2013 4:17 pm

    l`m a magnate,
    and you know what l mean,
    l`m gonna throw a little weight round in canberra,
    round in canberra,
    and you know what l mean,
    l`m gonna throw a little weight round in canberra,
    l`m too sexy for bris ben,
    too sexy for bris ben,
    too sexy, and then,

  12. October 9, 2013 4:28 pm

    l`ve a party,
    and you know what l mean,
    Pups are gonna bite in the Senate,
    in the Senate,
    and you know what l mean,
    Pups are gonna bite in the Senate,
    l`m too sexy for bris ben,
    too sexy for bris ben,
    too sexy, and then,

  13. TB Queensland permalink
    October 9, 2013 5:08 pm

    mmmm … that’s very … er … creative 😯

  14. Splatterbottom permalink
    October 9, 2013 5:40 pm

    “Question what is a Brisbane bcd?”

    “Big Clive’s Dunny”. Just about sums up Brissie, if not the whole of Queensland.

  15. TB Queensland permalink
    October 9, 2013 6:50 pm

    Yer not very well informed for the ABC 007 … there’s more than one Right Said Fred … iggorance is bliss …

  16. TB Queensland permalink
    October 9, 2013 6:53 pm

    Had a hard day, sb … wherever you are …

  17. October 9, 2013 7:01 pm

    TB, l don`t have video, audio, flash, and a lot of other bloatware loaded into my computer(old), so l could only drop you the google-url.

  18. TB Queensland permalink
    October 9, 2013 7:36 pm

    So, 007? Is that some sort of excuse? And BTW, was “grand-pa” a joke? Just askin’ …

  19. TB Queensland permalink
    October 9, 2013 7:45 pm

    Oh dear … so young too … and from Victoria … state of the sleaze …

  20. TB Queensland permalink
    October 10, 2013 11:13 am

    Clivey, did well last on Lateline!

    He can only go from strength to strength as he plays his role of, Stop The Liberals … he might even call for a media ban and just do weekily reports …

    That “balance of power” is a right worry … 😆

    oh how we laffed and laffed …

  21. October 10, 2013 12:08 pm

    😆 Crazy Clives Discount Democracy 😆
    abc1 news, clive and pups have recruited another independent in the senate, and they will `vote-as-a-block` (GO-WATERMELON) and Mr-Rabbit now `must` deal with clive

  22. egg permalink
    October 10, 2013 12:33 pm

    The government will have the numbers in the Senate to eliminate the carbon and mining taxes.

  23. October 10, 2013 12:40 pm

    Winter ls Coming
    ‘ ‘ ‘Clive Palmer has warned the Abbott government it faces a “very cold winter” if it tries to split his Senate voting bloc, which has been bolstered by the Motoring Enthusiast Party’s Senator-elect Ricky Muir.’ ‘ ‘

  24. March 15, 2019 1:07 pm

    make Australia great

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