Cricket with Tom of Melbourne

From behind the mahogany desk of Tom of Melbourne comes this Cricket Update….

There are certain characteristics that define individuals – the really important things that allow us to pass judgment on one another – things like integrity, compassion, preferred football team, whether you prefer shiraz or pinot noir.

There is one trait that pits “us” against “them” – cricket. Without exception Our Aussie hero cricketers are role models (and their wags set a fair standard for women folk too).

Who can forget the brave Aussies in the 1930s fending off the provocative bodyline bowling of the Pommy cheats? Most of us remember it well. Pommy cheats who weren’t playing within the spirit of the game. Then we have the whinging Kiwis, on and on about the so called spirit of the game when Our Greg Chappell instructed his brother to deliver and entirely legal underarm ball along the ground to prevent a run. Learn the rules Kiwis!

What about that Javid Miandad provoking Our DK Lillee to the point of Lillee having to kick him! As if Dennis didn’t have enough to think about, without being heckled by a foreign batsman in Our own Country!

Even the cricket administrators conspire against Our boys, with Ian Mekiff having his fine career cut shout by being called for throwing! Soon after this the same rules allowed Mr Muttiah Muralitharan to continue to play despite being no balled for throwing by an expert Aussie umpire! It’s a disgrace.

Off the field Our boys show true spirit. David Boon’s effort in consuming a couple of slabs of VB on his way to London has inspired a generation of youths to have a go! Heathrow now has a dozen wheelchairs waiting for each Qantas flight, and the paper bags have been replaced by 25 litre garbage bags.

Our Shane Warne has proved to be a man among men, even though he can’t grow a moustache. Who among us hasn’t been filmed in our underwear with a couple of English lasses?  While his romance with Miss Hurley may have run its course, I think Danni Minogue is available and entirely suitable.

Go Shane!

Only those without a skeric of sentimentality, decency and Aussie patriotism would be unmoved by Our Aussie heroes taking on the might of England.

Oi!