An Open Letter to the Human Resources Industry

Recently there’s been a spate of articles on news.com.au ostensibly penned by so-called Human Resource Managers voicing their pet gripes when it comes to the quality of applications they receive from job seekers.

It follows the similar vein of recent editorials highlighting the pet peeves of airline cabin crew when dealing with the traveling public.

It seems that almost anyone in the service industry these days has a gripe and the somewhat pedestrian pages of News Limited publications are becoming the popular forum to air these grievances.

According to one recent article, a survey of Human Resource Managers listed their so-called “worst job interview crimes” as being:

• Turning up under the influence of drugs or alcohol

• Refusing to answer certain questions

• Acting arrogant or as if the world owes you something

• Being overly emotional

• Talking too much, not engaging in a two-way conversation

• Failing to prepare and research the company or industry

• Badmouthing previous bosses

• Swearing and being abusive

Other common complaints include; failing to include a cover letter explaining your suitability to the role and why you want to work for this particular company, failing to address the selection criteria in your application, as well as spelling or grammatical errors in your CV.

Certainly some of these grievances are legitimate, and naturally, turning up to a job interview “wasted” is hardly a recipe for success. However given the ardent generosity of those from within the so-called “Human Resources” profession to share their pet gripes with regular perpetuity, we here at The Gutter Trash feel it is only fitting that we return the favour with some advice of our own.

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE HUMAN RESOURCES INDUSTRY

Dear Sirs or Madams, or as I would prefer to call you; a collective pack of arseholes,

I read with interest your recent splattering of complaints with regards to the quality and calibre of applications you receive from job seekers on a number of Australian mainstream media web sites.

I find it interesting that the profession you have wilfully chosen as your preferred career, seems to cause you so much grief. Whether you realise it or not, you are actually in the “service industry” and as such you will find that “dealing with people” is a key component of your job.  Granted, your client is the one who pays your commission for securing a suitable employee but your callous disdain towards job seekers does you no favours.

Allow me to provide you with some constructive feedback.  Take for a moment your job title. Human. Resources. Manager. First of all it’s worth pointing out that humans are actually ”people” and treating them as such would be a good first step.

Secondly, when you complain that job seekers fail to include a cover letter or fail to address the selection criteria in their application, perhaps consider for a moment that a well-constructed application along these lines would take several hours to prepare.  Do you think it’s reasonable to expect this level of investment when you yourselves arrogantly state in your advertising that “only successful applicants will be contacted?”

Is it really that difficult to acknowledge a job seeker’s application with even a standard email response acknowledging their existence?  I wouldn’t have thought so. Heck it won’t even cost you a stamp anymore.

But hell no, that would require some skerrick of service that as a profession on the whole you have decided you are unwilling to provide.  Perhaps if you lifted your game in terms of the service you provide to job applicants you may find that job seekers take a little more effort in the preparation of their applications.

Thirdly, when you complain about the odd spelling or grammatical error that may have failed the spellchecker, which caused you to recoil in horror and relegate that particular CV directly to the trash can, you may wish to consider the all-too-common errors that appear in your own advertising such as “Key responsibilities of the roll” or “Manger” instead of “Manager” which happen all too often, because, quite frankly if you can’t even get the most basic of spelling and grammar right then quite clearly your client isn’t worth working for.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, you may wish to ocassionally step outside of the sanctimonious and odious little zone you have created for yourself and realise that your profession has the well-earned reputation as being akin to used car salespeople, real estate agents or prostitution.  Actually, no scratch that last one, at least prostitutes provide value for money (or so I’m told).

You may be able to justify your extortionate fees to your clients with your hamster-like personality tests that pigeon-hole people into bizarre little categories that only you can understand and ascribe any real meaning to, and yes, that may prevent some psycho from joining BHP (or not), but simply leave the rest of us bewildered.

Questions like “if you saw a friend on the other side of the street would you cross the road to greet them?”

What the fuck is that all about? Does it really have any relevance to an individual’s ability to carry out a particular job function?  I mean, I might cross the road if it’s someone I haven’t seen in ten years, or I might not, if it’s rush hour on a rainy night and they’re standing on the other side of Collins Street.

You see, little HR people. The gig is up.

Yes you have, up until now, successfully created your own little niche industry – apparently devoid of scrutiny – because supposedly  you operate in some ethereal sphere of your own – not quite inhabiting the real world where other mere mortals are subject to the perils of employment, redundancy and dismissal. One where you have fabricated some mystique around what it is you actually do; all carried out from behind the frosty veneer of your power suits, pinned back hair and black framed spectacles.

But as evidenced by your pompous,  condescending and self-satisfied rants in our local media it’s clear that you have zero understanding of the service industry, and a callous disregard for those you should be seeking to engage.

As a profession you deserve the contempt and derision you so clearly attract.

Oh, and one more thing…

Fuck you all.