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Rostrum: Weekend Comedy Edition

May 23, 2014

It’s all been a bit depressing with the Budget etc… So how about sharing some jokes and some toons..

 

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61 Comments leave one →
  1. Tony permalink
    May 23, 2014 7:56 pm

    “So how about sharing some jokes and some toons..”

    Don’t mind if i do.

  2. No Compassion Here. Here, No Compassion. permalink
    May 23, 2014 8:20 pm

  3. RWDB R US permalink
    May 23, 2014 9:37 pm

    James Page, 1957.

  4. Tony permalink
    May 23, 2014 9:46 pm

    1967, Page, Clapton, Beck: Yardbirds.

  5. Tony permalink
    May 23, 2014 9:55 pm

    1972. Page, Plant, Jones, Bonham. Led Zeppelin: “Since I’ve been lovin’ you.”

  6. May 24, 2014 1:30 am

    I see your ancient cacophonies & raise you…

    Boltian Moncktonites wouldn’t concur would really enjoy the lyrics…

    * yay! for the magic pudding view of our biosphere…

  7. May 24, 2014 2:05 am

    My favorite Guitar player

    What I’m listening to at the moment

  8. egg permalink
    May 24, 2014 8:27 am

    ‘Underwater scientists have called the search for MH370 a debacle and claim that Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott’s announcement that black box pingers had been found was premature and lacked detailed analysis.’

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2637359/Scientists-say-pings-not-MH370-search-debacle.html#ixzz32a2cW5D8
    Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

  9. egg permalink
    May 24, 2014 8:47 am

    ‘Legalisation of cannabis is making slow but unstoppable progress across much of the developed world, many experts believe, following the end of prohibition in two US states.’

    Guardian

  10. egg permalink
    May 24, 2014 10:43 am

    “Parody is making a new wine that tastes like the old but has a slightly lethal effect.”

    Dwight Macdonald

  11. TB Queensland permalink
    May 24, 2014 11:52 am

    Pretty humorous stuff, egg … hahahahah … shakes head …

    ===============================================

    Anyhoo … a riddle …

    1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three

    rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of

    assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven’t

    eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

    Answer: To follow

    (Note: Got four more riddles to come)

  12. egg permalink
    May 24, 2014 12:07 pm

    ‘Pretty humorous stuff, egg … hahahahah … shakes head …’

    Said with just a hint of irony.

  13. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    May 24, 2014 3:22 pm

    Thailand’s army chief Prayuth Chan-ocha appointed himself acting prime minister and summoned 114 prominent political figures to a meeting, a day after seizing power in a bloodless coup that has sparked an international outcry.
    Thailand’s military government detained former Prime Minister Yingluck Shinawatra and members of her family after summoning her and other ministers for talks on Friday.
    “We have detained Yingluck, her sister and brother-in-law,” a senior military officer said. The two relatives have held top political posts.

    Thailand is quite untidy at the moment.

    It is simply outrageous that middle class royalists can oust a democratic government, and because it’s a middle class revolution, it will result in a lame, muted international response.

    Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/world/international-outcry-as-thai-military-introduce-curfew-and-detain-former-prime-minister-20140523-zrmld.html#ixzz32bididmC

  14. TB Queensland permalink
    May 24, 2014 6:01 pm

    I’ll tell you how bad Thailand is, ToM!

    On our last night there we had arranged a farewell dinner for the remaining 12 people on our tour of SEAsia … but there was an election the following day!

    No alcohol could be served 24 hours before the election!

    We tried to explain that we were not voting … to no avail … !

  15. TB Queensland permalink
    May 24, 2014 6:02 pm

    BTW … what’s yer answer to the riddle?

  16. Tom R permalink
    May 24, 2014 6:04 pm

    I’ll pick door three TB 😉

  17. May 24, 2014 6:40 pm

    I’m going to Bangkok in three weeks. What can I say, I like to live on the edge 😯

    I have no idea about the fkn riddle…

  18. TB Queensland permalink
    May 24, 2014 6:47 pm

    But WHY, TR , …

  19. TB Queensland permalink
    May 24, 2014 6:48 pm

    Ahh fk it dinner calls … because lions who had starved for three years would be …. DEAD!

  20. Tom R permalink
    May 24, 2014 7:01 pm

    Because, aww, you beat me to it TB 😉

  21. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    May 24, 2014 7:06 pm

    Yep, dead lions!

  22. Tom R permalink
    May 24, 2014 7:09 pm

    Yep, dead lions!

    On the up side, they now qualify to receive their pensions

  23. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    May 24, 2014 7:13 pm

    “No alcohol could be served 24 hours before the election!”

    If that was implemented here, the sober reflection would cause Palmer’s vote to plummet.

  24. TB Queensland permalink
    May 24, 2014 7:45 pm

    As usual, TR … not!

    On the up side, they now qualify to receive their pensions

    LOL!

  25. Tom R permalink
    May 24, 2014 7:57 pm

    For the dead Lions. Up The (L)Irons!

  26. TB Queensland permalink
    May 24, 2014 8:03 pm

    Second riddle …

    2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over

    5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out

    together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

  27. public toilet permalink
    May 24, 2014 8:16 pm

    Her husband is a polyester suit, which she took a photo of then washed in a blocked latrine before hanging to dry over the back of a fold up chair?

  28. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    May 24, 2014 8:23 pm

    Shoots a photograph, develops it with water, hangs it to dry!
    =======
    Now I’ll be out for the evening, consuming plenty of red!

  29. TB Queensland permalink
    May 24, 2014 8:33 pm

    Well done, ToM!

    Third riddle ..

    3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you

    throw it away ?

  30. public toilet permalink
    May 24, 2014 8:59 pm

    Clement Acorn?

  31. May 24, 2014 9:00 pm

    A Charcoal heat bead?

  32. TB Queensland permalink
    May 24, 2014 10:17 pm

    One for RP! 🙂

  33. May 24, 2014 10:43 pm

    Here’s my mate Tug.. one of the most talented and intellectually brilliant people I have ever met… been workin with Tug for a while, cant figure out why he’s not a superstar…

  34. Meta permalink
    May 25, 2014 12:27 am

    What dead lions?

    What three doors?

  35. egg permalink
    May 25, 2014 8:51 am

    Ricky I caught up with Real Humans and find the genre fascinating.

  36. May 25, 2014 9:58 am

    Meta have you seen the Source video for the Veldt? Awesome…

  37. TB Queensland permalink
    May 25, 2014 10:06 am

    Fourth riddle …

    4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words

    Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?

  38. May 25, 2014 10:52 am

    Yesterday, today, tomorrow… 😉

  39. Tom R permalink
    May 25, 2014 11:25 am

    Today was tomorrow yesterday. It’s funny how time can slip away.

  40. Right Wing Nutjob permalink
    May 25, 2014 11:52 am

    It’s a lovely day tomorrow,
    Tomorrow is a lovely day,
    Come and feast your tear-dimmed eyes
    On tomorrow’s clear blue skies,
    If today your heart is weary,
    If every little thing looks gray,
    Just forget your troubles and learn to say,
    Tomorrow is a lovely day.

    ~ Irving Berlin

  41. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    May 25, 2014 12:11 pm

    Monday, Tuesday and the day after Tuesday, or 1st, 2nd and 3rd days of the week.

  42. TB Queensland permalink
    May 25, 2014 12:12 pm

    Yep … too easy! Toillette and TR!

    Last one …

    5. This is an unusual paragraph. I’m curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about
    it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!

  43. Tom R permalink
    May 25, 2014 12:58 pm

    No to

    e-bay
    e-mail
    e-commerce
    e-tax (?)

    😉

  44. TB Queensland permalink
    May 25, 2014 1:02 pm

    🙂

  45. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    May 25, 2014 1:20 pm

    what is so unusual about it

    What is so unusual about it (information technology)? Plenty, if you know people who work in that discipline!

  46. egg permalink
    May 25, 2014 4:43 pm

    UKiP did well in recent elections, forcing Cameron to introduce a ‘wealth test’ to stop poor east Europeans flooding into Britain.

  47. TB Queensland permalink
    May 25, 2014 4:57 pm

    Fuck off, egg .. read the thread header …

    Tell a joke, sing a song, or drop yer knickers!

  48. F35 Brain Scientist permalink
    May 25, 2014 5:27 pm

    Rostrum is traditionally an open thread. But, hey, it’s Reb’s sandpit.

  49. TB Queensland permalink
    May 25, 2014 5:54 pm

    Rostrum is traditionally an open thread. But, hey, it’s Reb’s sandpit.

    I suspect you (and a few others here) would love me to fuck off – literally … but it is sreb’s, sandpit … luckily …

    And it is traditionally an open thread … well, the fkn title will tell you that … if you actually know what a “rostrum” is … and its history …

    Written words can confuse, ToSY, ’cause you get little or no NVCs … if you read what I wrote and place a different emphasis on “fuck off” … rather than your chosen 7th Cavalry charge to, egg’s rescue … you might read it differently* … to the way you want to see it …

    *Have I ever advocated that anyone fk off from here either forced or not …

    Maybe I don’t emanate from the refined and delicate background of your good self … but I’m sure people here that disagree with me don’t really need your help to “overcome” the trauma …

    BTW …

    During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether
    or not an older person should be put in an old age home?”
    “Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup
    and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub.”
    “Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because
    it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
    “No” he said. “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed
    near the window?”

    Your turn … tell a joke, sing a song, or drop yer knickers!

  50. egg permalink
    May 25, 2014 6:06 pm

    I’m not funny, its a shame.

  51. Tom R permalink
    May 25, 2014 6:26 pm

    or drop yer knickers!

    In eggs defense TB, each of his posts is a little like that anyway.

    Just Sayin’

    How many liberals does it take to replace a light-globe

    NONE, they prefer to remain in the dark!

    😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

    (I larf alone!)

  52. TB Queensland permalink
    May 25, 2014 6:48 pm

    LOL! TR …

    And I know what egg’s post’s are like, TR (mostly stuff everyone has already read and designed to shift people right off topic) … my reply was aimed squarely at ToSY …

    My issue is with the bloke who races to the defence of anyone who plays silly bugger for the Abbott debacle he calls a government …

    In fact it wasn’t so long ago that ToSY told me I shouldn’t get involved in other people’s discussions here … hypocrisy much?

  53. TB Queensland permalink
    May 25, 2014 6:49 pm

    (I larf alone!)

    nah! 🙂 …

  54. Tom R permalink
    May 25, 2014 7:03 pm

    I shouldn’t get involved in other people’s discussions here

    I blog alone ❓ 😉

  55. TB Queensland permalink
    May 25, 2014 7:39 pm

    I blog alone

    Chuckle … nah … some folk wanna tho’ …

    … the born to rule don’t get that some places (many thanks, sreb!) don’t really have ’em!

  56. egg permalink
    May 26, 2014 3:22 pm

    ‘And I know what egg’s post’s are like, TR (mostly stuff everyone has already read and designed to shift people right off topic)’

    http://www.sci-news.com/astronomy/science-universe-not-expanding-01940.html

  57. TB Queensland permalink
    May 26, 2014 6:06 pm

    In case you didn’t understand, TR’s, answer … (clever BTW, TR)

    The answer to the last riddle …

    5. The letter “e” which is the most common letter used in the English

    language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.

  58. May 26, 2014 7:05 pm

    My better half has just said I’m pretty much like this when it comes to diplomacy…

  59. TB Queensland permalink
    May 26, 2014 7:09 pm

    Speshul treet, sreb … 🙂

  60. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    May 27, 2014 5:54 pm

    SURFERS Paradise resident Bianca Freeman is claiming to have been attacked by a shark in the Nerang River, near the bridge to Chevron Island.
    Ms Freeman said the incident happened after she had been playfighting with friends and ended up in the water.
    … The last known shark attack to have occurred in Surfers Paradise is believed to have been on November 22, 1959

    55 years since a shark attack in Surfers!! It’s time to implement some protective measures.

    http://www.news.com.au/national/woman-survives-surfers-paradise-shark-attack/story-e6frfkp9-1226933286281

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