Rostrum: Extraordinary General Meeting Edition!
Dear fellow outraged patriots,
Our once great nation finds itself in unprecedented peril.
Despite the government’s best efforts to get today’s generation of leaners, shifters and bludgers into jobs, today those fine people at the Australian Bureau of Statistics have revealed that unemployment is now at its highest levels in 12 years. That’s right TWELVE YEARS!
It’s clear that threats of cutting off welfare and forced work for the dole programs, are only forcing more employed people to give up gainful employment for the life of luxury that awaits them on Newstart. And it’s all at the expense of we well-educated and gainfully employed middle classes.
But fortunately, and with thanks to our nation’s wealthiest self-sacrificing entrepreneurs help is at hand.
Mining billionaire Twiggy Forrest has suggested that some sort of ration card system could work, which has been well-received by Liberal party voters and the wealthy alike. It just goes to show that innovation can come from anywhere. The proposal has been well-received by the Prime Minister who is also contemplating reducing the minimum wage to $2 an hour in accordance with global competitiveness comparison studies funded by Gina Rhinehart.
Meanwhile, the ever-affable Eric Abetz has announced that hospital waiting times could be dramatically reduced if Australian women simply stopped having abortions. However, it may have the unintended consequence of driving up the numbers of single mothers, but what good Catholic politician would oppose such a scheme. None that we could find, and rightly so.
Not only that, but we now find that our growing history will be kept for two years so that unemployed spinsters can peruse what sights you’ve been perving on at 2:00am in the morning for your own protection.
So we here at the Gutter Trash called together our team of international correspondents to hold an extraordinary emergency meeting of our Grand Council (pictured above), where a grand gets you a seat at the table.
Clearly we need real solutions, or a pamphlet, or a military operation, or something!