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Have a New Year (with my compliments)

January 19, 2015

Have a New Year!

If there’s one thing I hate more than people wishing each other Merry Christmas (and Carols by Candlelight rates a mention here too), it’s people wishing each other a Happy New Year.

The first few days back at work and all you hear is “did you have a good break?” and “happy new year” like anyone actually really gives a fuck.

How someone spent a few days off work for a while and then decided to come back is of little consequence to me personally. I imagine that in some circles it might be considered impolite to reply with “look, I couldn’t care less whether you lived or died,” but that sort of laconic honesty would no doubt see you meeting up with the HR manager for an impromptu conversation over “respect for the individual” or some other such American bullshit we’ve assimilated into our way of life.

Today’s modern office place has become a warzone albeit carried out beneath a thin veneer of feigned civility.  Although I haven’t actually watched it yet, had Game of Thrones been set in the 21st Century I imagine it would not be too dissimilar to the travesty that unfolds in our office on a daily basis.

The modern workplace fosters a highly competitive environment where people would practically slit each other’s throats for a promotion but on the surface it’s all “team work” and “people are our most important asset” bullshit.

Fortunately, in our office we have one particular middle aged woman in a lower management position who I suspect is on some type of anti-psychosis medication, you know, the sort that keeps mentally unstable people barely connected to the real world in order that they may function in sort of model interpretation of an “ordinary person.”

She can fool some people some of the time, but having been blessed with a fairly keen insight into people’s personalities and idiosyncrasies, I can tell at a glance that’s she’s barely keeping it together.   By all appearances, she manages to carry herself off as might a middle aged librarian that’s dabbled fairly liberally in hallucinogens in her youth and is now operating in an office environment with what limited brain function she has left.

It would be unfair to single her out for ridicule simply because I found her bashing a bag of apples in the kitchen one day, or repeatedly slamming the kitchen door while calling it a “fucken cunt of a thing,” as we have other people in the office each with their own distinctive peculiarities.

But perhaps I’ll save those stories for another day.   But suffice to say, I haven’t dubbed one of them “Glenn Close” for no valid reason.




18 Comments leave one →
  1. January 19, 2015 10:36 am

    Love it! Keep it up.Nothing like a bit of brute honesty to cut through the bull-shit that seems to be so necessary to prevent us killing everyone on sight.

  2. January 19, 2015 10:43 am

    Thank you for the encouragement Albert. 🙂

  3. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    January 19, 2015 11:33 am

    ”The first few days back at work and all you hear is “did you have a good break?” … like anyone actually really gives a fuck.”

    I was on the coast, so thanks for the interest.

  4. Tom R permalink
    January 19, 2015 12:11 pm

    Thanks for that reb, and it’s nice to see you posting here again (you mean you weren’t?)

    A thought on what might improve your workplace enjoyment, earphones. It always looks like you are busy working to music, when in reality, you are just blocking out reality 😉

    btw, did you have a good break?

  5. January 19, 2015 12:46 pm

    Thanks Tom, that’s a good suggestion about the headphones. I was contemplating a small A4 size sign that I could have on my desk that says “leave me the fuck alone” but there are always people that would interpret that as “not being a team player..”

    “”did you have a good break?”””

    very funny. 🙂

  6. January 19, 2015 12:55 pm

    This is why I am self employed… I fucking hated office politics.
    Some people think the office fridge is a vestibule for their amateur science experiments.

    I am In fact I am typing this in my underpants whilst editing… I have to go out later because i’m out of milk. Get so much done without people interrupting me, plus I can cook at the same time 🙂

  7. Tom R permalink
    January 19, 2015 12:59 pm

    very funny.

    What was so funny about your break?

  8. TB Queensland permalink
    January 19, 2015 4:17 pm

    I am In fact I am typing this in my underpants whilst editing… I have to go out later because i’m out of milk

    Friends with the local cops are you?

    “Attention all cars … man in underpants seen walking in vicinity of local shopping centre … carrying plastic bag of bricks* … he is armed and dangerous … ”

    “Car 54 we have him in sight … he’s a fkn ugly bastard too!”

    Just asking ….

  9. TB Queensland permalink
    January 19, 2015 4:18 pm

    … carrying plastic bag of bricks* … milk cartons can be deceiving …

  10. January 21, 2015 4:31 pm

    So today I had lunch with a psychologist friend of mine who was most grateful for the discreet can of capsicum spray I gave her as a gift.

    So what are your goals for this year? She asked.

    I stopped to think for a moment…. What do you mean “goals,” like goals as is things I want to achieve this year, things I might write down on a piece of paper like new year’s resolutions n’such?”

    Yeah, that sort of thing, she said.

    Oh hell, I don’t have any of those. Never have. I mean what’s the point, by February you’ve either forgotten about them or lost interest, and besides I don’t have much of an attention span.

    We chatted about something else for a while and then I came back to the subject of new year’s resolutions.

    You know what, I said. This year I’m going to give less of a fuck about things.

    Besides, it’s easier as you get older, and I think it’s something I will be able to carry off this year without too much effort or having to remind myself that I’ve made this commitment.

    We both agreed that this sounded like a good idea, and then we talked about her weird clients and we laughed and laughed and laughed…….

  11. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    January 21, 2015 4:40 pm

    … then I asked her about her weird clients I told her about the weird types on my blog and we laughed and laughed and laughed…….

  12. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    January 21, 2015 4:41 pm

    … then I asked her about her weird clients I told her about the weird types on my blog and we laughed and laughed and laughed…….

  13. Tom R permalink
    January 21, 2015 4:44 pm

    I thought you would have said about your goals “I can’t face them”

    One just wonders the hilarity that ensued once the likes of nIl and grodo were brought up. Now there’s a new years resolution to think about……

    Ignoring the fuck out of them 🙂

  14. January 21, 2015 5:01 pm

    Oh dog no. Her clients are far more interesting than the likes of Neil and Egg.

  15. January 22, 2015 12:56 pm

  16. January 27, 2015 2:19 pm

    So I was reconsidering my goals for 2015 last night, which if you recall, weren’t very many, when one suddenly came to mind.

    It struck me that over the past twenty years or so, my vocabulary has become a tad lazy (as highlighted in an earlier commitment above to give “less of a fuck about things.”).

    I was thinking about the events that transpired over the weekend, and in particular driving through Docklands on my way to Footscray on Sunday morning. Not that it affects me personally, but the thought did occur to me that “there’s fuck all parking in Docklands.”

    Upon reflection, I could have arrived at this observation with a little more eloquence. “The people who planned this area failed to accurately predict or cater for the likely increase in vehicular traffic that should have been easily foreseeable” for example.

  17. TB Queensland permalink
    January 27, 2015 2:53 pm

    That’s knighthood language – you old dog, you!

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