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It’s not too late to change the name of the Royal Baby!

May 5, 2015

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Britain’s Prince William and the so-called “Duchess of Cambridge” have dubbed their latest offspring Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana.

But it’s not too late.  Here at The Gutter Trash, we don’t take these things lightly, and while some people might think it’s fine to give their child three first names it would be easy to conclude that William and Kate have let the team, or should that be “the family” down.

Prince Harry has described the new baby as “beautiful” (has anyone ever called someone else’s baby butt ugly?), but admits he’s yet to see it.

Royal watchers are delighted of course, which is all well and good, but I can’t help but thinking that a simpler, more down to earth type of name might’ve been more grounding for the young one.

Something along the lines of Morag, or Fanny perhaps.

Do we have any other suggestions?

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25 Comments leave one →
  1. Tom R permalink
    May 5, 2015 10:34 am

    North?

  2. May 5, 2015 10:35 am

    do l fcuking care #no

  3. May 5, 2015 10:50 am

    That’s not very nice #bagz.

    I’m not sure about North Tom.

    Princess North just doesn’t seem to have a nice ring to it.

    How about Rich Bitch?

  4. TB Queensland permalink
    May 5, 2015 11:32 am

    Dollar? (Technically – Pound I suppose)

    Princess Pound? Mmmmm … many connotations there …

  5. TB Queensland permalink
    May 5, 2015 11:33 am

    OT but far more important …

    http://www.news.com.au/video/id-VveXJ2dDr5iCntFrC6SWzCY63-4XWxAf/Man-pushed-onto-tracks

  6. May 5, 2015 11:40 am

    That’s why I carry a small can of capsiscum spray with me TB.

  7. Tom R permalink
    May 5, 2015 11:43 am

    That’s why I carry a small can of capsiscum spray

    They can’t smoke that.

    Actually, looking at the guy doing the pushing. Perhaps he could?

  8. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    May 5, 2015 11:44 am

    I believe this is a list of popular baby names from Brisbane-

    1. Caprice – French for “impulsive change of mind”, Caprice recalls a shiny Holden sedan and a clear-stilettoed stripper all at once. Not the classiest associations to be made with your daughter, but each to their own.
    2. Cheyenne – Meaning “people of a different language” in Sioux, this somehow comes off as more trailer-park chic than elegantly exotic when it’s carried by a bleached blonde who says “youse”.
    3. Jorja- At first glance, this looks like a sexy Spanish name – until you realise it’s just a misspelt version of Georgia. El sigh.
    4. Mercedes- It’s heaps popular to name your kid after stuff you’ll never be able to afford, such as Mercedes, Chanel and Dior. You probably won’t ever see rich kids with these names. Just sayin’.
    5. Nevaeh – Heaven spelt backwards. Need I say more?
    6. Princ’ess- As if naming your daughter Princess isn’t bad enough, you also feel the need to insert a completely random apostrophe in the middle of it? Similar specimens include D’Lilah and Al’xandra, but at least the apostrophe actually replaces a letter in these cases. (NB: that’s what apostrophes do).
    7. Rybekkah- I’ll overlook the gross misspelling of this one and zero in on the use of the double consonant. Why? Are two K’s really better than one? Apparently yes, and two X’s can be too. Just ask Foxx’s parents.
    8. Shiraz- Unless you’re Persian, in which case this is a totally legit first name, you’re just begging to have your daughter labelled Queen of the Bogans. And please don’t even consider naming her sister Chardonnay.
    9. Skylah -Spelling, schmelling, why don’t we just write words like we say ‘em? That simplistic philosophy is behind the wave of names like Skylah, Summah and Tayla.
    10. Vegas- While it’s been a tight race down this list, I do believe that naming your baby girl after the cheapest, tawdriest, most debaucherous city in the world takes the bogan cake.

  9. May 5, 2015 1:59 pm

    Princess Clitorissa.

  10. TB Queensland permalink
    May 5, 2015 2:07 pm

    I believe this is a list of popular baby names from Brisbane

    You obviously spend most of your time in South Brisbane, ToM … or as usual just making shit up … 😉

    Noice one sreb!

  11. TB Queensland permalink
    May 5, 2015 2:08 pm

    BTW wouldn’t you attract bogans with capsicum spray?

  12. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    May 5, 2015 3:26 pm

    They could try Lulu… or Fifi

  13. Tom R permalink
    May 5, 2015 3:53 pm

    They could try Lulu… or Fifi

    I hope you mean as names?

  14. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    May 5, 2015 3:58 pm

    Very amusing.

  15. May 5, 2015 4:04 pm

    Princess Shagmuffin

  16. TB Queensland permalink
    May 5, 2015 4:06 pm

    ToM, please tell Lulu I don’t wear lipstick (anymore) so stop sending the emails … thanks …

  17. TB Queensland permalink
    May 5, 2015 4:07 pm

    https://www.luluandlipstick.com/

  18. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    May 5, 2015 5:04 pm

    So TB it’s you that has been smudging Lulu’s lipstick!

  19. Tom R permalink
    May 6, 2015 12:47 pm

    Christine Milne!

  20. May 6, 2015 1:33 pm

    Tiffany Ring.

  21. TB Queensland permalink
    May 6, 2015 5:04 pm

    So TB it’s you that has been smudging Lulu’s lipstick!

    Depends on when and where she wore it … 😉

  22. TB Queensland permalink
    May 6, 2015 5:05 pm

    Pussy Galore.

  23. May 8, 2015 7:32 am

    They could have gone with an lndian flavor, in memory of `empire` of old,

    Twobadyaknotbawnphirst-Hahaspare

  24. Tom R permalink
    May 8, 2015 8:02 am

    Can you imagine if they went with a name like this!

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