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Should we kill Johnny Depps’ Dogs?

May 15, 2015

Johnny-Depp-2013

Nationals MP Barnaby Joyce has lashed out at controversial shock jock Kyle Sandilands calling him a “savage little man” after Sandilands called Joyce a “wanker” for his handling of Johnny Depp’s dogs.   Depp is accused of secretly smuggling his dogs into the country, which is against the proper process.

The drama unfolded earlier today on Sandilands’ so-called “Kyle & Jackie O Show,” when the Immigration Minister was attempting to explain why he was threatening to have Depp’s dogs euthanised.

AUSTRALIA – A BUNCH OF HILLBILLY REDNECKS

Sandilands was furious that Johnny’s pet pooches have been placed on Death row, telling the agriculture minister he has had made Australia look like “a bunch of hillbilly rednecks.”

“I’m not saying that he shouldn’t be fined or the dogs shouldn’t be quarantined,” Sandilands replied.

BUGGER OFF BACK TO HOLLYWOOD

“What I’m saying is, you sound like an absolute clown telling the guy to bugger off back to Hollywood or we’ll kill his dogs.

“You sound like an idiot. You should have re-worded your statement.

“You’re a government minister – have some decency.”

“Jeeze Kyle, that seems interesting coming from you,” Joyce shot back.

This only infuriated Sandilands further prompted this heated exchange:

Sandilands: “Oh shut up, Barnaby. You’re an absolute joke, Barnaby!”

Joyce: “Keep going mate. Keep going mate. Good on you.”

Sandilands: “I’m going off because you sound like an insensitive wanker.”

Joyce: “You’re a savage little man aren’t you?”

Sandilands: “I’m not even a little man, I’m six-foot-one.”

Depp is in Australia to film the latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie and avoided Australia’s obligatory quarantine measures when he flew his Yorhsire Terriers “Boo” and “Pistol” by private jet to the Gold Coast.

Although, the Department of Agriculture won’t comment on specific cases, a spokesperson told The Gutter Trash that all animals entering Australia must follow proper processes.

“All animals entering Australia must have an import permit, which is only issued after confirmation that all import requirements have been met.

“These import requirements, which include rigorous health and biosecurity checks, are essential to ensure pests and diseases from overseas are not brought here.

“Any animal which is imported without meeting Australia’s import conditions will be ordered into quarantine and will either be exported or euthanised.”

The Agriculture Minister said the fact the two dogs were not declared to Customs is a “concern” for Australia “because Pistol and Boo come from a country that has rabies”, and added “Pistol and Boo have had their lives threatened by the actions of Mr Depp” as a consequence.

Mr Joyce spoke to The Gutter Trash this morning with the latest update about Depp’s two dogs.

“I’m informed that Pistol and Boo are preparing to fly on a private jet back to the United States which is the best news that I’ve got,” Mr Joyce said.

The Gutter Trash understands that there is a countdown clock preparing for the dogs’ impending executions.

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24 Comments leave one →
  1. May 15, 2015 11:15 am
  2. armchair opinionator permalink
    May 15, 2015 12:21 pm

    Unlike australia, the US go to great lengths to protect their citizens abroad, they’ve ensured we are made responsible for the outcome of barnyard’s beet faced, attention seeking, death threats.

    Let’s see agriculture minister, barnyard push the life-ending syringe into the dogs! Go australia, do it!

  3. armchair opinionator permalink
    May 15, 2015 12:29 pm

    As if depp’s pampered pooches would have been anywhere near rabies or other grave agricultural threats posed by bananaby, unless cocaine or heroine has become infectious. They would be lucky to ever leave his house.

    G’arn, push the syringe minister, I dare ya!

  4. TB Queensland permalink
    May 15, 2015 1:40 pm

    Barnaby is dickwit

    Depp is a fuckwit

    Classic case of wannabe robber baron thinking the rules don’t apply to him

    The innocents in all this are the dogs.

    Quarantine or return how hard is it … Ffs?

    WiFi is Melanesian time … Slow as!

  5. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    May 15, 2015 3:22 pm

    They’d look nice as a collar for Fifi’s coat.

  6. May 15, 2015 3:35 pm
  7. May 15, 2015 4:03 pm

    Pistol and boo-depp are okay in my book. Anything that gets banansby foaming like a rabid teabumpkin is fine with me. Dill-depp should have put pistol and boo thru quarantine tho. Maybe it`s not too late and he can have quarantine inspect pistol and boo for rabies. While he`s at it, he can take bananasby too. #teabumpkin.panic

  8. Tom R permalink
    May 15, 2015 4:06 pm

    Barnaby is dickwit

    Depp is a fuckwit

    I AGREE!

    Butt do the dogs?

  9. Walrus permalink
    May 15, 2015 4:08 pm

    “”Channel 9 HAVE HELICOPTER FOOTAGE OF………………””

    Oh goodie !

    Our version of the OJ Simpson motorway pursuit.

    Barnaby in his hay truck pursuing Pistol and Boo in a 4 wheeled kennel all the way out to Eagle Farm.

  10. Walrus permalink
    May 15, 2015 4:11 pm

    “As if depp’s pampered pooches would have been anywhere near rabies or other grave agricultural threats posed by bananaby”

    Perhaps that might be so. But what if Depp had flown in via Bali etc ?

    Those joints are full of rabies

  11. captain51 permalink
    May 15, 2015 4:14 pm

    Intetesting that Bananaby accepts the science here

  12. Tom R permalink
    May 15, 2015 4:25 pm

    Intetesting that Bananaby accepts the science here

    😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

  13. May 15, 2015 4:25 pm

    Radio consumers were treated to a real dumb-verses-dumber episode between vyle and bananasby huh. A real battle of wits.

  14. Walrus permalink
    May 15, 2015 5:04 pm

    “Intetesting that Bananaby accepts the science here”

    Probably because rabies is actually proven and devoid of the usual witchcraft, bed wetting, pants soiling crap we expect from the Left.

    Have you all changed your nappies lately ????????????

  15. May 15, 2015 5:40 pm

    blubbering”””””””’devoid of the usual witchcraft, bed wetting, pants soiling crap we””’

    #continually get from limited-news trolls and their limited-intelligence readership. #nappy.time

  16. Tom R permalink
    May 15, 2015 6:24 pm

    devoid of the usual witchcraft, bed wetting, pants soiling crap we expect from the Left.

    Or as the rest of the world not adhered to flat earth paranoia calls it, science 😉

  17. May 15, 2015 6:34 pm

    I doubt the dogs are any genuine threat…but biosecurity is quite a serious matter; especially given we don’t share land borders with the rest of the planet.

    Also, I don’t think those from the Cult of Media-manufactured Personality & ‘Fame’ (like Depp) should be immune from our laws; any more than the rest of us.

    Obviously, Joyce is a moron, regularly, but he’s actually correct on this.

  18. Tom R permalink
    May 15, 2015 7:02 pm

    I doubt the dogs are any genuine threat

    But how do we know just how much they have been radicalized.

    Better safe than dog meat I say!

  19. May 15, 2015 7:12 pm

    So, the canoe-state fruit-fly can`t see the hysteric teabumpkin foaming on (now-international) teabag-media was some-what of an over-kill. Shouldn`t bananasby just enquired/notified customs/quarantine and have the proper process be followed, instead of threatening to destroy the depp mutts.

  20. May 15, 2015 7:36 pm

    Fair to say that if they weren’t Depp (or…insert vacuous US Hollywood personality here) dogs, they wouldn’t have rated a mention.

    That’s more an indictment of populist media infatuation with the minutiae of celebrity than anything. And, presumably, the media feed that because of the ridiculous, demeaning obsession vast swathes of the population have with the minutiae of celebrity.

    Also, Depp should have just done the right (legal, obligatory) thing in the first instance.

  21. May 15, 2015 7:54 pm

    Do Depp’s dog’s deserve death? Dunno. Doubtful.

  22. May 15, 2015 9:52 pm

    Doubtful they were ever going to be euthanised, is what you mean.

    But it was a great example of celebrity centric news cycle frottage.

  23. May 15, 2015 10:10 pm

    “But it was a great example of celebrity centric news cycle frottage.”

    A great example of alliteration, you mean. 😯

  24. May 15, 2015 10:29 pm

    Let’s Euthanase Kyle Sanderlands and Barnaby with Depps dogs on struggle Street . Now that’s a pay for view gold logie cert

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