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Misfortune Cookies: A Gutter Trash Investment Opportunity!

July 6, 2015

fortune-cookie_shutterstock_1875059

My partner has recently taken to eating “fortune cookies” as a pre-dinner snack which both confounds and disturbs me.

Firstly, as someone who is quite careful about what he eats, it amazes me that he would actually eat such garbage, but secondly he takes some joy in conveying the “secret” message that’s contained within.

It’s like he honestly believes that little not-so-cryptic message was placed there deliberately and exclusively for him and that he alone should derive some profound insight from its wisdom.

Earlier this evening, I had just arrived home from work when he presented with the first of this evening’s messages – “someone you respect greatly will honour you.”

What does that even mean, I asked.  But such trivialities were immediately dismissed, as he retreated cheerfully to the kitchen as if blessed with some new sense of wisdom.

Some 15 minutes later he presented another message while chomping on the remnants of another biscuit – “Something wonderful is about to happen to you…”

Now it might just be me, but I’m a bit sceptical about these so-called “fortunes” and don’t believe there’s really that much weight to them.  But my partner remains convinced.

Which naturally got me thinking about the sort of fortune messages I would write and implant in these so-called “fortune cookies,” which you. know, if it were me writing them (which perhaps thankfully it isn’t)..

Anyhoo, I came up with the following which I share with youse noo…

“You have lived a sad and tragic life and you’re going to die alone..”

“You’re a worthless individual and everyone hates you, even the people who you think don’t..”

“You’re reading message embedded in a biscuit. How sad is that?”

“You’re still here? Do yourself and everyone else a favour and end it all.”

“Oh, just kill yourself.”

“If I looked like you, I’d kill myself too…”

I think there could be some merit in  this…

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43 Comments leave one →
  1. public toilet permalink
    July 7, 2015 2:33 am

    There’d be a definite market for hollow, cross shaped biscuits containing torn out bible pages.

    Food.

    Moral platitudes.

    Toilet paper.

  2. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 7, 2015 7:43 am

    “You will spend much of your leisure and work time endlessly redebating political issues with people incapable of understanding the sense of you opinions.”

  3. Tom R permalink
    July 7, 2015 7:54 am

    Have you considered writing for murdoch reb? If akerman ever snorts Ajax by mistake, there might be an opening for ya 😉

  4. TB Queensland permalink
    July 7, 2015 11:07 am

    “You are living each day closer to death”

    “You cannot avoid the pain you will feel”

    “You will soon find out that your doctor is not qualified”

    “Money is the root of all evil, evil roots need money”

    “A scribble in time can be as dim as a mine”

    WTF … I could get to like this … when do we fire up the ovens?

  5. July 7, 2015 11:39 am

    “You cannot avoid the pain you will feel”

    Gee, that’s a real rosey one.

  6. TB Queensland permalink
    July 7, 2015 2:36 pm

    In Bunnings a coupla hours ago, nice lady, told The Minister … “he looks like a very nice, man” … so, The bloody Minister, says, looks can be deceiving … with a wicked smile I might add …

    Still a rare compliment from a complete stranger is nice …

    You only “liked” one!

  7. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 7, 2015 2:49 pm

    … “he looks like a very nice, man” …for Queensland…

  8. July 7, 2015 2:59 pm

    …for Queensland…

    😆

  9. July 7, 2015 3:00 pm
  10. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 12, 2015 11:19 am

    Yep, the Greek government is right on top of the problems facing its country!

    The current status represents vindication for those lefties that said austerity was over, that debt isn’t a problem and a “NO” vote would put the Germans under pressure.

    http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jul/11/greece-euro-exit-bailout-alexis-tsipras

    Greece’s final attempt to avoid being kicked out of the euro by securing a new three-year bailout worth up to €80bn ran into a wall of resistance from the eurozone’s fiscal hawks on Saturday.
    Finland rejected any more funding for the country and Germany called for Greece to be turfed out of the currency bloc for at least five years.

  11. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 13, 2015 8:56 am

    Greece is going so well!

    Inexperienced, self important populists promote NO! vote to austerity. Then finish up begging for a bailout under even more austere conditions, when the sentiment against their self aggrandisement has turned.

    The lessons-
    • Running up HUGE debt is no problem
    • Self important politicians and grandstanding isn’t a problem
    • Experienced international leaders can easily be bluffed

  12. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 14, 2015 4:33 pm

    That left wing Greek government is going really well!

    *Promote “NO” to austerity
    *Then, a week later, agree under pressure to even more severe austerity

    Left wing student politics at its best

  13. Splatterbottom permalink
    July 14, 2015 6:02 pm

    The Greek economy has shrunk 25%. Enough with the austerity. The Greek economy needs some major stimulus. Better send in Wayne Swan!

  14. Splatterbottom permalink
    July 14, 2015 6:16 pm

  15. Eat Me permalink
    July 14, 2015 8:15 pm

    “In other words, the IMF was too optimistic about the impact of austerity measures upon GDP, and did not expect the effect upon unemployment would be so severe.”

  16. Neil of Sydney permalink
    July 14, 2015 8:24 pm

    the IMF was too optimistic about the impact of austerity measures upon GDP

    So what is your solution? More reckless spending that caused the trouble in the first place?

  17. Tom R permalink
    July 14, 2015 9:57 pm

    More reckless spending that caused the trouble in the first place?

    I note “austerity” doesn’t include cutting back on defense spending. Much of which seems to go to Germany interestingly.

    Having a tax system built for rorting doesn’t equate to ” reckless spending”. It equates to a system built for rorting. I’d hazard a guess that those being hit the hardest by “austerity” would be those least able to get in on the rorts in the first place.

  18. Eat Me permalink
    July 15, 2015 10:36 am

    So what is your solution?

    Dunno. But while we’re riffing on the subject, have the Powers-That-Be ever considered actually getting more than their monies’ worth?

  19. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 15, 2015 10:56 am

    I note “austerity” doesn’t include cutting back on defense spending

    Greece has some history with Turkey, and there are instances of Turkey’s territorial aggression, as you may be aware, the country has never been able to rely on neighbours for support, and defence has been a longstanding national priority.

    Perhaps it is now timely to reduce the military spending, but Greece probably more than many other European countries had an historical reason to have a higher level of military expenditure.

  20. Tom R permalink
    July 15, 2015 11:02 am

    and there are instances of Turkey’s territorial aggression,

    Does that include when they attacked Gallipolli? 😉

    Perhaps it is now timely to reduce the military spending

    Good for the Goose.

    But what needs to change is their multiple layers of rorts that seem (from the out looking in) to heavily favor one end of town.

    Much like in the way our tax base is beginning to lean, particularly in the past two budgets. We wouldn’t want to end up like Greece now, would we 😉

  21. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 15, 2015 11:08 am

    I think you would be wise to look at the history of Greek/Turkish relations.

  22. Tom R permalink
    July 15, 2015 11:16 am

    I think you would be wise to look at the history of Greek/Turkish relations.

    I think you would be wise to look at and economy as a whole. And the source of the “expenditure”

  23. Splatterbottom permalink
    July 15, 2015 11:25 am

    The leftist answer always is more tax, never less spending.

    The fact is that through the 80s debt went from 30% of GDP to almost 100% mainly because welfare exploded, mainly under that leftist nutjob Papandreou.

    Gillard tried the same bullshit on us. Promising massive education and DSP expenditure with the main costs kicking in beyond the forward estimates precisely because she had nary a clue how to pay for it.

  24. Tom R permalink
    July 15, 2015 11:36 am

    The fact is

    The “facts” seem to sway wildly at the moment.

    Do you disagree that Greece has a problem gathering the taxes it should be gathering now?

  25. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 15, 2015 11:41 am

    Yep.

    I recall ALP barrackers saying things like – “the federal government deficit this year is only about 2% of GDP, that’s not much to worry about”

    So do that for a generation and you’ll finish up about where Greece is.

  26. Tom R permalink
    July 15, 2015 12:02 pm

    So do that for a generation and you’ll finish up about where Greece is.

    What, keep deficits at 2% of GDP? Really, that shouldn’t be a problem. Look to Americas debt to GDP.

    The problem is, if you have a tax system that seems set up to rort. That is where we are heading. Greece here we come 😉

  27. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 15, 2015 3:33 pm

    Greece’s fundamental problem is that expenditure did not match revenue.

    That’s the starting point. Running up deficits of 2% or 3% of GDP each year and avoiding addressing either expenditure or revenue will result elimination of all options, as the Greeks have found.

  28. Neil of Sydney permalink
    July 15, 2015 3:43 pm

    Look to Americas debt to GDP.

    Most of USA’s debt is local. Most of our debt is foreign.

    Furthermore the USA has huge overseas assets eg GM, Ford. We have none.

    Of the $1B interest we are paying every month thanks to your vote in 2007, $700M of that goes to overseas investors never to return.

  29. Splatterbottom permalink
    July 15, 2015 4:40 pm

    “Greece here we come “

    Truer than you think Tom R.

    The failure of the Greek economy is a symptom not a cause.

    The leftist project has been about expanding the welfare state which it has pursued consistently and unremittingly for over a century now. It is a good strategy for them. The more people who become addicted to welfare or dependent on the state the greater the vote of the leftist parties. Whether government largesse goes to a crackhead bogan or Gillian Triggs the chances are they will vote Labor or Green.

    The moral debasement of the citizen by creeping socialism has hit the Greeks hardest, but it is a danger to all societies.

    You won’t see traditional values such as hard work, thrift, self-reliance, personal responsibility and respect for the rule of law given any prominence in any leftist talking points. You certainly won’t hear them from Shifty Shorten. Yet those are the values that underpin a functioning economy.

    However, they are anathema to most leftists who see the state as the source of all power and citizens as docile mendicants, to be kept in a position of learned helplessness, allowed to think only politically correct thoughts and to mouth pious platitudes about the victim group du jour.

    The left, having destroyed hard work, personal responsibility and the rest, have ensured that it is only a matter of time before we also become Greece – probably when the natural resources run out. Actually, the left would prefer to accelerate the process, leave the resources in the ground and bring on the impoverishment of our country ASAP, since it is already, according to them, over populated.

  30. TB Queensland permalink
    July 15, 2015 5:21 pm

    The left, having destroyed hard work, personal responsibility and the rest, have ensured that it is only a matter of time before we also become Greece – probably when the natural resources run out. Actually, the left would prefer to accelerate the process, leave the resources in the ground and bring on the impoverishment of our country ASAP, since it is already, according to them, over populated.

    Hard work etc (whatever “the rest” means)? If you believe that then you don’t know what hard work is.

    Greece’s problem was people not paying taxes (as told by Greeks while I was there!) … Goldman Sachs should be destroyed for what they did to Greece …

    “When the resources run out”? Services are our biggest earner and were during the mining boom from memory mining was just 7% …

    We’re so overpopulated that we actually need more immigrants not less … the globe is overpopulated … and resources are extremely mismanaged and unevenly distributed …

    Why on earth would anyone want to accelerate the process to poverty?

    What a load of tory codswallop … if you are so worried … as thrice a millionaire, Jim Rohn, said … “move, yer not a tree” …

    And he would certainly laugh at your negativism … he influenced me early in my career (I initially went to a couple of his seminars) … but I realised later that not everyone has opportunities given to them like the privileged few and those of us that actually make those opportunities from nothing have an advantage that we can share with others and I have …

    … those who have opportunities given (silver spoons up their arses) rarely if ever share … selfishness is a stock in trade for Robber Barons and their wannabe grovelers … as is their belief hey have the right to take whatever they like from the weak … and infirm …

    This government is one step away from fascism … another term and I’d be very careful about commenting here, I reckon … but that seems to be the master plan … hey?

  31. Walrus permalink
    July 15, 2015 5:50 pm

    “Goldman Sachs should be destroyed for what they did to Greece … ”

    So I take it that your Bank has never called you in the past and asked if you’d like an increase on your credit card and you have never told them to “Fuck Off”

    The Greeks lied their way into the EU.

    They are best off to leave it as are quite a few others.

  32. TB Queensland permalink
    July 15, 2015 6:19 pm

    So I take it that your Bank has never called you in the past and asked if you’d like an increase on your credit card and you have never told them to “Fuck Off”

    As a matter of fact more than once … although my language is not as abusive as yours.

    We determine how much we need on a credit card (in fact we add our own onto it) and if we need it … we have never paid interest on one either …

    As for Goldman Sachs … your analogy is not only simplistic but wrong …

    Goldman Sachs faces the prospect of potential legal action from Greece over the complex financial deals in 2001 that many blame for its subsequent debt crisis.

    A leading adviser to debt-riven countries has offered to help Athens recover some of the vast profits made by the investment bank.

    The Independent has learnt that a former Goldman banker, who has advised indebted governments on recovering losses made from complex transactions with banks, has written to the Greek government to advise that it has a chance of clawing back some of the hundreds of millions of dollars it paid Goldman to secure its position in the single currency.

    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/greek-debt-crisis-goldman-sachs-could-be-sued-for-helping-country-hide-debts-when-it-joined-euro-10381926.html

  33. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 15, 2015 6:44 pm

    Greece’s problem was people not paying taxes (as told by Greeks while I was there!) …

    Let’s not bother with a competition about who has spoken to more Greeks.

    But you miss the point. Fundamentally no country can keep endlessly spending more than they collect. If the government of a country chooses not to maximise tax collection, it is necessary that it moderate its expenditure.

    Greece chose not to collect the tax revenue that it could have, but decided to keep spending anyway.

    It’s stupid to focus only on revenue.

  34. Splatterbottom permalink
    July 15, 2015 6:59 pm

    “It’s stupid to focus only on revenue.”

    And it is stupid to blame anyone but the Greek governments (especially PASOC in the eighties) and the Greek people who elected them.

    When the main occupation becomes gaming the state the country is fucked. The hard-working Greeks left and moved to Melbourne years ago. The losers stayed behind and erected a gold-plated welfare state without bothering to work out how to pay for it. And now the cry-babies want to blame the Germans, the EU and Goldman Sachs, in fact anyone but themselves.

    And that is precisely what Labor has planned for Australia – they made pretty promises about Gonski and the DSP but they don’t have a clue about how to pay for them. And according to Labor and their idiot followers, the Intergenerational Report is just Tory propaganda.

  35. Splatterbottom permalink
    July 16, 2015 10:49 am

    Winston Churchill on the Iran deal:

    We have sustained a total and unmitigated defeat, and France has the Gulf States have suffered even more than we have.

    The utmost he Obama has been able to gain in the matters which were in dispute has been that the German Iranian dictator, instead of snatching the victuals from the table, has been content to have them served to him course by course.

  36. Walrus permalink
    July 16, 2015 10:53 am

    “………on the Iran deal:”

    Yep

    It’s a fucking joke

  37. Splatterbottom permalink
    July 16, 2015 11:05 am

    It is worse than that. The only rational thing for the Saudis to do is to demand the Pakistanis supply them with the nuclear technology the Saudis bank-rolled in the first place. There will be (at least) two nuclear armed totalitarian Islamic theocracies who have been at war for 1500 years facing off. What could possibly go wrong?

  38. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 16, 2015 11:31 am

    Greek lawmakers have passed a bailout agreement that keeps the country in the euro for now, shifting attention to the European Central Bank as it weighs whether to pump more money into the country’s hobbled financial system.
    With voting ongoing in the early hours of Thursday, a majority of members of the 300-seat parliament in Athens approved new austerity measures that are a precondition of as much as €86 billion ($128 billion) in aid.

    So what exactly was the reason for the referendum and Tsipras’s support for the “NO” vote.

    It seems to be another example of personal indulgence and grandstanding by a lefty politician, which leaves the country even worse off.

    Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/business/world-business/greece-debt-crisis-parliament-approves-austerity-package-20150716-gidd97.html#ixzz3g0uMUyHv

  39. Walrus permalink
    July 16, 2015 11:55 am

    “……..a lefty politician, which leaves the country even worse off.”

    The Greek “Left”………………….absolute fucking amateurs in Finance

  40. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 17, 2015 9:07 am

    Remember when my personal troll/sock puppet used to say –
    • Don’t blame the people that fired the missile for shooting down MH17
    • And anyway they didn’t shoot the missile
    • Freedom fighters
    • Putin is misunderstood and is really quite nice

    http://www.news.com.au/travel/travel-updates/never-before-seen-footage-reveals-russian-backed-rebels-arriving-at-the-wreckage-of-mh17/story-fnizu68q-1227444676268

    Now we have the Russian backed rebels rummaging through the wreckage. This isn’t the type of thing nice freedom fighters do.

  41. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    July 17, 2015 2:15 pm

    That extreme left wing government in Greece just capitulated.

    They didn’t have any alternative plan despite them having the reigns of government all year. They didn’t use this time to figure out how to have an orderly exit from the euro, they relied on bluster only.

    They raised expectations of the public in the most cynical manner through the referendum, and then surrendered more severe/onerous conditions than had previously been available.

    Long term planning for left wingers – about 4 days.

  42. Eat Me permalink
    July 18, 2015 4:14 am

    What could possibly go wrong?

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