Misfortune Cookies: A Gutter Trash Investment Opportunity!
My partner has recently taken to eating “fortune cookies” as a pre-dinner snack which both confounds and disturbs me.
Firstly, as someone who is quite careful about what he eats, it amazes me that he would actually eat such garbage, but secondly he takes some joy in conveying the “secret” message that’s contained within.
It’s like he honestly believes that little not-so-cryptic message was placed there deliberately and exclusively for him and that he alone should derive some profound insight from its wisdom.
Earlier this evening, I had just arrived home from work when he presented with the first of this evening’s messages – “someone you respect greatly will honour you.”
What does that even mean, I asked. But such trivialities were immediately dismissed, as he retreated cheerfully to the kitchen as if blessed with some new sense of wisdom.
Some 15 minutes later he presented another message while chomping on the remnants of another biscuit – “Something wonderful is about to happen to you…”
Now it might just be me, but I’m a bit sceptical about these so-called “fortunes” and don’t believe there’s really that much weight to them. But my partner remains convinced.
Which naturally got me thinking about the sort of fortune messages I would write and implant in these so-called “fortune cookies,” which you. know, if it were me writing them (which perhaps thankfully it isn’t)..
Anyhoo, I came up with the following which I share with youse noo…
“You have lived a sad and tragic life and you’re going to die alone..”
“You’re a worthless individual and everyone hates you, even the people who you think don’t..”
“You’re reading message embedded in a biscuit. How sad is that?”
“You’re still here? Do yourself and everyone else a favour and end it all.”
“Oh, just kill yourself.”
“If I looked like you, I’d kill myself too…”
I think there could be some merit in this…