Sorry not sorry
“An apology would be nice” is how Neil of Sydney finished one of his characteristic posts the other day in response to something Splatterbottom said.
To his credit SB responded with an apology of sorts, which some may have perceived as what’s commonly called “taking the piss.”
It’s a remarkable coincidence given today’s apology was asked for, and received on International “sorry” and notable for the simple fact that apologies are seldom forthcoming at The Gutter Trash.
So given that it all looks like we could use a bit of practice, today we take a bloody good hard look at what an apology is worth, why we demand it and whether or not it actually does any good.
According to experts, in order to really apologize, you have to:
- Acknowledge that you did something wrong.
- State exactly what it is that you did to cause the problem so that the recipient knows that you understand what you did.
- Own and feel sorrow for the feelings you’ve hurt or the damage that you’ve done.
- Want to make amends in any way that you can.
- Expect nothing in return for your apology.
- Work to make resolution for your wrong until the debt is satisfied.
- Work as hard as you can to never make the same mistake again.
But where’s the fun in all of that?
The danger is that you could be seen as soft, or worse a Greens supporter. No the real art of an apology is to clearly convey that it’s the other person’s fault and the fact that you’re being compelled to apologise is both an inconvenience, imposition on your busy time, and a disgusting slur on your otherwise impeccable character.
Here are some tips for apologising that you can practice at home:
“I’m sorry, but what the fuck is wrong with you?”
“I’m sorry I got angry with you, but, you know, you kind of deserved it.”
“I’m sooooooo soooorrrrryyyyy!”
“Excuse me for living!”
“Get over it.”
“Don’t make me hit ya (again).”
“Look what you made me do now.”
“I’m sorry you took it the wrong way.”
“I’m sorry you’re not smart enough to understand.”
“I’m sorry, but I really wish you could see my side.”
“I’m sorry you caught me doing that.”
Or you could write a poem.
Poems are nice.