Turnbull’s Coalition in death spiral as Labor opens up 10 point lead

The “disunity is death” party is enjoying a remarkable trajectory in the polls with the latest research confirming that Labor has opened up a 10 point lead over the Coalition on the crucial election-deciding two-party preferred stakes.

Malcolm Turnbull also continues his stellar career and is now deemed more loathsome than his predecessor Tony Abbott, who had his tenure as Prime Minister unceremoniously cut short when he was usurped by Turnbull a little over 12 months ago.

By all accounts, Malcolm has been a resounding success, clinging on to power at the last election by a landslide victory of one seat.

It’s hard to see where he can go from here, what heights remain to be claimed, what far off victories await?

But it would be hard to give Malcolm all the credit for the achievements of this “fine government.”

For one, he has his loyal backbenchers to thank, the likes of Eric “I can’t believe he’s not Hitler” Abetz, George “biscuits” Christensen, Cory Bernardi, and of course loyal stalwart Tony Abbott, without whom, Malcolm simply wouldn’t be the man he isn’t today.

While cynics may find fault in the type of loyalty that only Tony Abbott has to offer, the rest of us can rest in easy in the knowledge that they’re “best friends” according to Chris “the fixer” Pyne.

Apparently, Mr Abbott isn’t vying for another tilt at the top job, despite appearances to the contrary, with Turnbull himself describing his friendship with the former leader as “cordial,” presumably referring to the insipid, artificial liquid kind.

And contrary to popular belief, we’ve apparently  “never had it so good,” with housing unaffordability at record levels, record levels of national debt, growing unemployment, and a government that’s too busy waging war with itself to be bothered doing anything about it.

Where did it all go so horribly wrong?