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AFL Grand Final Preview!

September 24, 2018

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From the mahogany desk of Tom of Melbourne comes this year’s AFL Grand Final Preview..!

The Eagles are the most loathsome team in the AFL – and not simply because of their history of drug taking or their association with gangsters.  That’s just how everyone behaves in Perth – really, there would never have been a mining boom without gangster types!

The Eagles are loathed because of their supporters. While those who barrack for Collingwood are toothless** bogans and equally biased, they can be excused, in part. It isn’t their fault that –

  • They’re illiterate dole bludgers
  • Their parents were also illiterate dole bludgers
  • Their parole officer was a Collingwood supporter and so was the arresting police office

Collingwood supporters didn’t have a choice, it’s generational, socio-economic and everyone in the housing commission block barracked for them.

On the other hand, Eagles supporters had a choice – the team is only about a generation old, the traditions of the club have as much depth as the Perth cultural and arts community.

And the fans are so unsporting! The crowd is full of middle class fanatics – sharing their insulting spittle with other outraged family groups whenever a free kick is paid to the opposition. There’s dad teaching his 8 year old son how to burst a blood vessel while screaming at the umpire because… well, who knows why, but everyone is doing it!

It is painful to recommend support for the Magpies – but good taste requires a Collingwood win.

**Please note – that’s an exaggeration, most Collingwood supporters have at least 4 teeth.

 

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32 Comments leave one →
  1. shaneinqld permalink
    September 24, 2018 12:04 pm

    ToM

    Come on tell us what you really think 🙂

  2. September 24, 2018 1:11 pm

    “”It is painful to recommend support for the Magpies – but good taste requires a Collingwood win.””

    Whoever wins, we lose.

  3. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    September 24, 2018 1:31 pm

    But now everyone in Victoria gets a day off on Friday!

    We win!! Go AFL and footy bogans!

  4. September 24, 2018 2:06 pm

    Well that’s true…! 🙂

  5. shaneinqld permalink
    September 24, 2018 2:39 pm

    So now we see the reality, Victorians are a mob of day off bogans and leaners not lifters at all.

  6. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    September 24, 2018 3:12 pm

    Public holidays for a football game and another one for a horse race – welcome to Melbourne!

    Typically, in Sydney there’s a public holiday called “bank Public Holiday” – Melbourne celebrates events that are popular, that people go to… while Sydney celebrates banks!

    That’s an example of the cultural divide.

    I’m not sure of the equivalent one in Queensland – it is probably called “a sickie”

  7. September 24, 2018 5:13 pm

    Fuck Collingwood with a clawhammer.

    That is all.

    * great nostalgia over YomM’s Footy Previewing though.

  8. September 24, 2018 5:16 pm

    Soft draw. Eddie as Prseident. Crowds of Australians chanting USA-USA-USA…

    No reason to want Collingwood (my polite name for them) to win a fucking chook raffle.

    Go Eagles. If they play like they did on Saturday, they will crush Collingwood under their jackboots.

  9. September 24, 2018 5:16 pm

    *President

  10. September 24, 2018 5:18 pm

    Also, I work with an interminable number of the arsehats.

    After all of the crap I suffered through when Adelaide got shafted in the Grand Final, last year, I long to revisit the spiteful schadenfreude; from a great height.

  11. September 24, 2018 5:52 pm

    it is probably called “a sickie”

    😆 😆

  12. TB Queensland permalink
    September 24, 2018 6:56 pm

    What’s an AFL? Aussie Fucking Looney? Sounds like a bird or sumfink?

  13. P.A`Magpies`Teabag permalink
    September 24, 2018 8:10 pm

    lt is a shame tinfoil`osys tiger train derailed last week. So..

    crush Collingwood under their jackboots ” @fcuk.eddieMc

  14. Kerry Marcon permalink
    September 24, 2018 9:25 pm

    Oh my goodness, you definitely need a good spanking. I’m from Perth and yes i agree the place was founded on speculators, spivs and gangsters from the starters gun in 1829 and not much has changed. However, not all of us are apples from the same tree and not all of us follow wet toast or the (w)anchors or Twiggy Forrest or the wicked witch of the west – asbestos julie. i fell in love with Hawthorne in the early 70s after watching The Winners – we were starved of good footy because so many of our local players went east to improve the blood stock of Vic teams. It was number 3 Lee Mathews who stole my heart and i have loved the Hawks ever since. Back in the early seventies i wasn’t aware of the suburbs in Melb or the social structures. I visit regularly now as my daughter lives in Pascoe Vale – i love the place and could easily live there with one exception – your weather sucks.

  15. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    September 24, 2018 9:41 pm

    you definitely need a good spanking

    That sound like a good idea! Could you pop over in 45 minutes?

  16. TB Queensland permalink
    September 24, 2018 9:44 pm

    KM … ToM really like handcuffs and whips … oh, and the more rubber the better – black of course …

    Just anticipatin’ … 🙂

  17. Kerry Marcon permalink
    September 24, 2018 9:58 pm

    Pop over in 45 mins ha ha, you’re hilarious and TB what’s with the hardware, i would’ve thought more along the lines of custard and stale sponge cake jeez. I can see my work will be cut out for me on my next visit.

  18. TB Queensland permalink
    September 25, 2018 9:09 am

    KM … just a reminder that the Blogmeister – reb – likes a drop of shiraz … the custard sounds awful WTF do you do wi … er don’t bother …

    +++++++++++++

    KM seems noice … all the way from Perf too!

  19. Tom R permalink
    September 25, 2018 9:23 am

    I’m not sure of the equivalent one in Queensland

    We have on in Adelaide

    We call it Sunday 😦

  20. TB Queensland permalink
    September 25, 2018 1:52 pm

    We call it Sunday

    oh I missed that little gem from ToM …

    Melbourne celebrate the Queens’ Birthdays don’t they?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    As an aside:

    I always pushed the idea that the Queen’s Birthday should be dropped and people simply enjoy their own birthday as a day off … business wouldn’t come to a grinding halt then … and when we finally become a Republic … 🙂

    (Even the Pom’s don’t have a day off for the QB!)

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    I’m not sure of the equivalent one in Queensland – it is probably called “a sickie”

    At least there’s a few good reasons to chuck a sickie in Queensland!

    http://www.qldbeaches.com/

    As for Victoria …

    https://www.tripadvisor.com.au/Attractions-g255098-Activities-c61-t52-Victoria.html

    And a fkn horse race …

    https://www.google.com.au/search?newwindow=1&source=hp&ei=9bCpW-qjMZPu-Qa2rojoDQ&q=melbourne+cup+drunk+woman&oq=Melbourne+cup+drunk&gs_l=psy-ab.1.1.0l4j0i22i30k1l6.1719.11446.0.13310.20.12.0.7.7.0.265.2809.2-12.12.0….0…1c.1.64.psy-ab..1.19.3099.0..0i131k1.0.XWya3vcoMfk

    LOL!

  21. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    September 25, 2018 2:19 pm

    Kerry seems nice, particularly offering a little remedial discipline

  22. TB Queensland permalink
    September 25, 2018 4:43 pm

    Kerry seems nice, particularly offering a little remedial discipline

    I wonder if he (he?!!!) warms the custard up before use?

  23. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    September 29, 2018 12:24 pm

    Go Magpies!!

  24. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    September 30, 2018 12:06 pm

    BOOOO!!!!

  25. TB Queensland permalink
    September 30, 2018 5:54 pm

    I’m ba-a-ack … great long weegend on Straddie … beautiful Queensland storms over the ocean …

    …………………………………..

    Aw! Fk! I should have remembered!

    Is ToM booing himself?

  26. October 1, 2018 12:44 am

    “I always pushed the idea that the Queen’s Birthday should be dropped and people simply enjoy their own birthday as a day off … business wouldn’t come to a grinding halt then … and when we finally become a Republic …”

    I love this idea…and strongly endorse it!

  27. October 1, 2018 12:48 am

    Magnificent West Coast victory over the Victorians!

    I like how they thought they were in it, right til the end, then got a dagger in their toothless hearts!

  28. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    October 1, 2018 9:05 am

    Watching those Eagles supporters celebrate made me feel ill.

  29. October 2, 2018 12:31 am

    Fuck Sookingwood, with a clawhammer!

  30. October 2, 2018 12:32 am

    #anyonebutvictoria #&port #victoriaoverportalldayeveryday

  31. TB Queensland permalink
    October 2, 2018 9:22 am

    Watching those Eagles supporters celebrate made me feel ill.

    You must have such a difficult life with all these heartaches, ToM … delicate simply doesn’t come near to describing it … 🙂

  32. TB Queensland permalink
    October 2, 2018 9:24 am

    Has AFL got to this level yet?

    https://www.news.com.au/sport/nrl/roosters-confess-to-hundreds-of-lies-in-grand-final-shame/news-story/98f029488a287750e2f59fc255acd2b6

    Ah, yes, the Honourable Mr Cousins … of course … still “supported” by his “old team” I read somewhere.

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