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AFL Grand Final Preview with Tom of Melbourne!

September 17, 2021

The inimitable Tom of Melbourne returns with his annual AFL Grand Final Footy Preview…!

It’s appropriate that plague-stricken Melbourne would assign one of its most significant cultural and sporting events to Australia’s most culturally deficient city, Perth.

It is a city populated by semi-literate (even semi-lingual) misfits.

Perth is the most isolated city in the world and the civilised parts of the country are happy with that.

Brisbane isn’t far behind Perth in per capita misfits and semi literacy, but they are within a 2 hours drive of civilisation, ie the NSW border.

And the game – it’s the Dogs vs Demons – represents the contest between workers and wankers, it’s the board room vs the boiler room, or the industrial west against Collins Street. 

The Melbourne Demons represent a privileged demographic, not a locality. They should be known at the Melbourne Club (Football Sub-branch).

The supporters of the club are tax-avoiding stockbrokers and wine tossers, who vacation in Aspen.

The Dogs represent Melbourne’s industrial heartland, people that have real jobs, those that drink beer and holiday in caravans.

It is the beach house in Portsea vs the caravan in Dromana, it’s Penfolds Bin 707 vs Vic Bitter, it’s lunch at Florintino’s on Bourke St vs takeaway from Jimmy Wong’s on Barkley Street, it’s a leased Range Rover vs a 2002 Camry, it’s Melbourne Grammar vs Footscray Tech.

This is a game between Toorak and Altona, between the ruling class and the working class.

Finally the ruling class are the losers and it’s the Dogs by 4 goals! 

Go Bulldogs!

14 Comments leave one →
  1. Tom R permalink
    September 17, 2021 3:46 pm

    The Dogs represent Melbourne’s industrial heartland

    People who, yomm forgot to mention, he spent the latter years of his career ripping off and making their workplaces more dangerous for

    So with that said, GO DOGGIES!

  2. September 17, 2021 4:00 pm

    “tax-avoiding stockbrokers and wine tossers, who vacation in Aspen”

    Why, that almost sounds like YoM…!! 😆

  3. Tom R permalink
    September 17, 2021 4:43 pm

    So with that said (again), GO DOGGIES! 🙂

  4. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    September 17, 2021 4:51 pm

    The difference is that I recognise that Melbourne is a vacuous club, without a community.
    Their club motto should be “raised in the tough end of Collins St”
    Or “yield to none… unless it’s a great offer”

  5. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    September 17, 2021 4:52 pm

    And…GO DOGGIES?

  6. Tony permalink
    September 17, 2021 6:10 pm

    tax-avoiding stockbrokers and wine tossers, who vacation in Aspen

    You say that like it’s a bad thing.

    Seriously though, not sure if anyone here realises but this game of tenants vs landlords isn’t on for another week!

    Plus, fuck Daniel Andrews for losing the grand final, and fuck that WA premier – just because he’s an insufferable cu*t!

  7. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    September 17, 2021 8:31 pm

    Yes but you need a week to think about the grand final

  8. Splatterbottom permalink
    September 18, 2021 9:18 am

    “Yes but you need a week to think about the grand final”

    What is there to think about? Who cares about a bunch of so-called adults fighting over a ball? Even more boring and inconsequential than the daily grandstanding at the Premiers’ Covid briefings.

  9. September 23, 2021 8:03 pm

    Dogs!

    Just for raping Portscum at the final hurdle and causing (another) ignominious capitulation!

    So much schadenfreude.

  10. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    September 23, 2021 9:03 pm

    The dogs!
    That’s why I know so much about failure!

  11. September 23, 2021 9:22 pm

    I reckon the Dogs are a good chance.

    UnderDOGS!

    Also, fuck Jake Lever and Melbourne.

    Woulda been happy to see either win, both had impressive year, if they weren’t playing each other.

    Richmond shoulda kept Houli, just sayin.

  12. September 25, 2021 10:34 am

    Controversial opinion:

    Up there Cazaly is a shit song and so are all the team “anthems”.

  13. Tom of Melbourne permalink
    September 25, 2021 10:57 am

    I hear we can have a picnic while watching it. With one other household (*conditions apply)
    In 8° temperature, and rain with possible hail.
    I can’t wait!

  14. torletKavidDoch permalink
    October 17, 2021 9:43 pm

    Fuck Port Adelaide with a sharp stick…miglo still lurking, seething about Famous Crows, aligning with Crapperville Mayors or harvesting emails for quirky echochambers?

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