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Prince Andrew hails TV interview as “Great Success”

November 18, 2019


Universally regarded as a monumental car crash in “the rest of the world,” the Duke of York has told close confidantes that he feels completely vindicated as a result of his exclusive interview with Emily Maitlis on the BBC TV show ‘Newsnight.’

The Duke 59, is believed to be unaware of the worldwide outrage that erupted over his lack of sympathy for the victims of Jeffrey Epstein, his former friend and convicted sex offender who died in August awaiting trial for sex trafficking.

He was also ridiculed over his repeated denials of any sexual relationship with then 17-year-old Virginia Roberts, claiming that on the night she alleges she was sexually assaulted by the Duke after some sweaty dancing at the Tramp nightclub he was in fact busy having pizza with his family.


“I don’t sweat” claims the Duke

Bizarrely, the Duke insisted Roberts’ claim must be false as, at that time, he had a unique medical condition that prevented him from perspiring.

“I have a unique medical condition that means I can’t sweat,” said the Duke. Unfortunately the same medical condition has the side effect of making his eyes look totally fkn mollied but only after dark, apparently.

He also insisted that a photo showing the Duke with his arms around the alleged teenage victim must be ‘doctored,’ and that no one could prove otherwise.


The photo Prince Andrew claims is a fake.

“I am not one to, as it were, hug and public displays of affection are not something that I do,” he said.


Prince Andrew: “I don’t know why I’ve collected that title because I never have really partied,” he said.


Sadly, the royal’s pal said his aides do not “have the heart” to tell him how badly it has gone down.

“He’s told his friends and advisers he is delighted because he thought he acquitted himself well.”

“He seriously believes he’s pulled off a master triumph. It’s astonishing.”

“No one has the heart to tell him that he’s delusional — and this is the overall problem. He’s surrounded by people who tell him what he wants to hear.”

The Buckingham Palace grilling has sparked a furious backlash, with PR experts stunned he agreed to it.

David Cameron’s former spokesman Craig Oliver said:

“It will go down as one of the worst PR decisions ever — proof you really can make things a lot worse when you try to explain yourself.’’



The right to Protest and Boycott are basic tenets of our democracy

November 1, 2019

A photo of Victoria Police Officer taken yesterday, who has covered his bodycam with a sticker that reads “EAD (Eat a Dick) Hippy”

Not content with maligning unemployed people as drug addicts and pensioners as ‘welfare’ recipients, the Morrison government is determined to further subjugate Australians into submission with calls by the PM to ban the perfectly legitimate right for consumers to boycott businesses whose conduct goes against their personal ethics or principles.

Earlier today the PM called protesters “anarchists” and called for a radical crackdown on the right to protest saying ‘progressives’ are seeking to “deny the liberties of Australians”.

Morrison referred to the “worrying development” of environmental groups targeting businesses or firms involved in the mining sector with “secondary boycotts,” such as businesses involved in providing banking, insurance or consultancy services.

“They are targeting businesses of all sizes, including small businesses, like contracting businesses in regional Queensland,” he said.

“Let me assure you this is not something my government intends to allow to go unchecked.”

“Together with the attorney general, we are working to identify mechanisms that can successfully outlaw these indulgent and selfish practices that threaten the livelihoods of fellow Australians.”


The right to boycott is a basic principle of democratic liberalism. Only authoritarians would challenge the inherent right of business owners and consumers to withdraw custom from any business and to explain to that business and the community why it’s happening.

Why should we as consumers be compelled to support businesses that damage the environment and the health and wellbeing of future generations?

Not to be outdone, the avuncular Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton, announced that he wants protesters to be charged for the cost of police to attend demonstrations.

“Many of them they don’t even believe in democracy,” said Dutton

“This is not about free speech, it’s not about the ability to protest. These people are completely against our way of life,” he said.

Which is a bit of a stretch.

It seems this government won’t be satisfied until we’re all just bludgeoned into silent obedient taxpayers funding their police state.  The “quiet Australians” as Morrison would say. Fuck that.



John Setka shafted by Labor!

October 23, 2019

John Setka strolling the streets of Melbourne with what appears to be an inflatable marital aid.

John Setka, “colourful” secretary of Victoria’s Construction Forestry Maritime Mining and Energy Union (CFMMEU), has been formally booted from the Labor party.

The move came after Setka withdrew his legal challenge against the Labor Party’s decision to expel him.

Back at the end of August, Victoria’s Supreme Court denied Mr Setka’s request for an injunction to stop the expulsion.

Speaking in Canberra earlier today, Opposition leader Anthony ‘Albo’ Albanese announced the union boss had dropped any further legal action, which paved the way for the party to give him the heave.

“Today John Setka has withdrawn his appeal to that decision and John Setka has now been removed as a member of the Australian Labor Party,” the Opposition Leader said.

Until now, Setka had defied calls for him to stand down from the Union, arguing only his members could remove him from the post.

His case has split the labour movement, with many unions backing him while others called him a…



Kerri-Anne Says Climate Protesters Should Be Used As ‘Speed Bumps’

October 9, 2019


Australiana “icon” and banal self-entitled daytime chat show host Kerri-Anne Kennerley (aka KAK) has slammed Extinction Rebellion activists for blocking cities nationwide, saying ‘moron’ protesters should be jailed and ‘forget to feed them’.

On Wednesday, the discussion between the so-called “Studio 10 panel” consisting of an amalgam of rich white people, turned their bitter entitled pursed lips to the Extinction Rebellion protests currently taking place across the nation.

Around 100 people were arrested this week during protests staged in Australian main capital centres.

In Queensland, protesters could face jail time under the new laws floated by the State Labor government.

When asked by Channel 10 host Sarah Harris if the measures were “too extreme”, Kennerley said she felt this wouldn’t be enough.

“Personally, I would leave them all super glued to wherever they do it, like forever … the guy hanging from the Storey Bridge. Why send emergency services to look after, or get a moron down? Leave him there until he gets himself out,” she said.

“No emergency services should help them, nobody should do anything, leave them there, and you just put little witches hats around them, or use them as a speed bump.”

Harris put her head in her hands, saying “you’re going to get us into trouble!”

“Is that wrong?” Kennerley said, down the barrel of the camera.

At the end of the show, the hosts addressed the comments, with Harris saying “you were obviously not inciting violence, it was a joke.”

“Heavens no,” Kennerley replied.

Harris continued to say “you were speaking in hyperbole.”

“I was speaking like you said,” Kennerley said.

Network 10 said in a statement that Kennerley’s words were “said in jest”.

“Kerri-Anne confirmed that she was indeed speaking in hyperbole and her words were clearly a joke. There was no intent to cause offence.

Over the past few days, Studio 10 has extensively addressed a range of opinions on this subject,” a spokesperson said.

When host Joe Hildebrand suggested that activists should “come up with a protest that lasts longer than this show,” Kennerley jumped in again.

“Why don’t all you extremists go to China or Saudi Arabia and do it?”

“That’s my idea,” she said.

“If we stop doing anything to harm the environment in Australia, makes no difference. Do it where it is going to count, which is number one China, number two India, number three America. Go and do it over there.”

She’s really just a bit of a fucking mole isn’t she.


AFL Grand Final Footy Preview with ToM

September 26, 2019


Here is our annual tradition – a Grand Final Footy Preview from ToM!

It’s that time of year again!

The  relentlessly unrelenting competition, the pressure to perform and the fierce criticism of… the armchair critics.

Yes, the Brownlow Medal was on Monday night.

As a spectacle, it didn’t live up to expectations.

It seems that Donald Trump has set a new standard in the most alluring shade of fake tan and carefully coiffed hair. The skin tone of the WAGS appeared pale in comparison to Trump, and his orange skin is even brighter than the colour used on the Giant’s jersey.

WAGS need to remember that there is no such thing as too much fake orange/bronze tanning lotion.

But my main complaint about the Brownlow is that there were no diamonte encrusted g-strings, no frocks held together with safety pins, and no visible flabby backs.

It didn’t live up to the rich traditions of the night. Don’t these WAGS want to be on a reality or home renovation TV show? Don’t they know how to become famous?

There is also a football game on Saturday.

Previously, I have tipped on the basis of good taste, and therefore picking a winner is a serious conundrum this time.

Bogans or thugs? A fake and transplanted creation of the AFL, or a club that has plundered the talent of the fake creations?

The Giant’s Toby Green and Shane Mumford set a great example for the young, Green with the way he applies eye treatment to his opponents and Mumford – filmed, apparently putting icing sugar up his nose.

That’s how they prefer their role models in western Sydney.

On balance, Richmond has a proud history of sound corporate governance, stretching back to the time Alan Bond was President, and that should get them over the line.

Go tigers!



‘Robodebt’ Class Action Lawsuit could bring down the Coalition Government!

September 17, 2019


The Coalition government has is in full-blown panic mode following the shock announcement that Melbourne based law firm Gordon Legal is launching a class action lawsuit against the Federal Government over its so-called “robodebt” scheme.


Peter Gordon, a senior partner at the law firm, said the collection of money based solely on a computer algorithm was unlawful.

“We’ll allege that to simply collect money from hundreds of thousands of people by the simplistic application of an imperfect computer algorithm is wrong.”

“We think that before the Government docked the pensions or took the tax refunds of widows and carers and aged pensioners it needed to have better evidence, it needed to consider each case individually.”

Mr Gordon said he expected up to 160,000 people could fall under the class action, and the action would seek both repayment of falsely claimed debts and compensation for affected people.

He said the system had unlawfully taken tens of millions of dollars from Australians, and he was “comfortably satisfied” the suit met the requirements of a class action.

“Not every case needs to be exactly the same. They only have to be roughly similar,” he said.

The Federal Government Minister responsible for the scheme Stuart Robert is so far ‘missing in action’ but is no stranger to controversy.

Last year, the former Assistant Treasurer was forced to repay $37,975 in ‘residential internet fees’ he had claimed as ministerial expenses.

At the time, Robert claimed that he had “connectivity” issues despite his semi-rural home being located approximately 15km from the heart of Surfers Paradise.

He claimed a total of $62,814.52 for his residential internet costs, and while these costs were consistently high, there was a noticeable and significant spike in Robert’s residential internet expenses in 2016.

This spike prompted speculation about the reason for his high residential internet costs. Around the same time, coincidentally, the church where Robert and his family worship, METRO Pentecostal Church on the Gold Coast, launched their Christian TV streaming service.

In 2012, Robert delivered a speech to Parliament that had sections of it written by a lobbyist for Gold Coast property developer Sunland.

The following year, he and his wife were gifted gold Rolex watches, valued at $50,000 each from a Chinese billionaire businessman.



Australia’s highest-ranking Catholic condemned to prison as a sex offender

August 21, 2019


George Pell will remain behind bars after his appeal against a conviction for sexually abusing two choirboys was dismissed by the Victorian Court of Appeal.

  • Pell slumped in his chair and blankly looked into space on hearing the ruling
  • Pell’s haters could be heard cheering outside the court house amid celebrations
  • The disgraced Cardinal had previously compared himself to Jesus suffering persecution through the trial
  • Pell’s actions in the prison dock showed a defeated man contemplating his fate behind bars

The court in a two-to-one decision on Wednesday upheld the original conviction, meaning Australia’s most senior Catholic official must serve out his six-year sentence with a non-parole period of three years and eight months.

On hearing the decision after the 15 second delay, a loud cheer could be heard from outside the Supreme Court where Pell’s detractors had congregated.

After the judgement was read out, Pell – wearing his priestly robes for likely the last ever time – was escorted to a prisoner transport van and taken back to jail.

He had waited for this moment for nine long weeks.

In legal circles, such a wait usually indicates the kiss of death.

Innocent men are not made to wait in jail for such lengthy periods while judges make their decisions on their fate.

And at the end of the day, the cunt lost.



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