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Gladys Berejiklian: The Tractor. The iPad. The Cover Up!

October 14, 2020

GLADYS BEREJIKLIAN’S political career is almost certainly over as the sordid details of her love-struck relationship with dodgy and now disgraced former MP Daryl Maguire become clearer (or murkier) by the day.

Her former flame is fronting the Independent Commission Against Corruption (ICAC) to answer questions about whether his behaviour while in parliament could be considered corrupt.

Berejiklian claims she has “tried to be as frank as possible” about her relationship with Daryl Maguire, while not being frank at all.  Although entitled to some degree of privacy in theory, she’s desperately clinging to semantics for her political survival.

It’s already been revealed that she met with two publicans with criminal records at the behest of Maguire, while Maguire himself suffered an unfortunate mishap where his iPhone and iPad were destroyed in a freak tractor incident – destroying potentially incriminating evidence.

To be fair it’s happened to us all at some point. Tractor. iPad. iPhone. Just an accident waiting to happen, really…

Trump gets the Chinah Virus!

October 2, 2020

THE FINAL SEASON OF AMERICA has taken a remarkable plot twist with the President of the United States (played by colourful reality TV personality Donald Trump) and the late King of Pop Michael Jackson as his hilarious wife #FLOTUS succumbing to the much maligned “Chinah Virus.”

For those following along at home, Australia’s Chinah Virus expert Dr Norman Swan says that at the Donald Trump’s age of 74, the mortality rate is 5-12%.

But, he says, that obesity (the president is just over the line as obese in his last medical check) increases the risk by an extra 40%, increasing the risk of death to between about 7-18%.

Some of us were hoping for something a little higher.

Trump’s personal physician says that the president and first lady will “remain at home within the White House during their convalescence”.

Trump’s Physician Harold Bornstein

How long this convalescence lasts will depend on how ill the pair get. Even if Trump tests negative within the next 14 days, he will almost certainly be unable to attend rallies in three key states – Wisconsin, Florida and Arizona – as well as the next presidential debate, which is scheduled for 15 October.

Which is all really sad.

Weekend Gab Fest: Strange but True!

September 25, 2020

Hello and good afternoon.

So how about we try something completely different. I’ve read a couple of bizarre stories this week, one of which I’ve forgotten before I’ve had the opportunity to share with youse, the other is this story about how this guy dropped dead from a liquorice overdose.

There are many ways to die, especially in Australia where we have more than our fair share of deadly creatures, but I think this has to be the first time I’ve heard of someone dying from liquorice. And what made this particular story all the more interesting is that he had recently made the switch from those raspberry twirl sticks to the black variety, and I thought “I used to eat those!” Which is perhaps a lesson to all of us that you shouldn’t change a routine.

So let’s see if you have any other ‘strange but true’ type stories from the last week or so, and more-so see if we can keep it politics free..!

At the Movies with Kevin Rudd: The Return of the NBN

September 23, 2020

The Gutter Trash is pleased to present a special movie preview from guest contributor and former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd..

In the midst of the Covid pandemic, nostalgia seems to be the prevalent theme in both political circles and Hollywood alike with voters and viewers longing for a better time when the world wasn’t on the brink of some cataclysmic climate-change induced catastrophe that pretty much spells the end of civilisation as we know it.

Which brings us to the latest instalment from the satirical comedy franchise “the Scott Morrison Government” with “Back to the Future part five: The Return of the NBN.”

In this ultimately disappointing and unnecessary remake of the Rudd Government 2007 black and white original, modern day protagonist – played by relative newcomer Communications Minister Paul Fletcher – finds himself in the unenviable position of explaining why the present day government has decided to reintroduce the very same Labor initiated fibre-to-the-home broadband strategy it has spent years deriding to a bemused yet ultimately unsurprised public.

Despite his lack of experience, Fletcher is perfectly cast as the befuddled minister in a role that’s reminiscent of Stuart Robert’s performance in “Robodebt: The Musical,” or “Census and Sensibility.”

Angus Taylor also gets a look-in as the gaffe-prone butler ‘Gaston,’ but ultimately it’s Scott Morrison’s indifferent and lacklustre performance as “the man who wasn’t there” that makes this sorry tale completely forgettable.  

Josh Thomas of “Please Like Me” fame, also perfectly cast as Former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull, makes a welcome return to the silver screen in a cameo role as a disgruntled armchair critic, who spends much of his time criticising other performers while managing to overlook his own glaring intellectual incompetence. It’s a marvel to behold.

However, there’s a difference between a movie that touches our hearts and one that invites us to wallow in shit. And as much as I wanted to enjoy this movie, I couldn’t help but feeling that I’d seen it all before, or at least a foretaste of what could have been something so much better under the hands of a more experienced director.

Two and half stars.


Pauline Hanson’s StubbyGate!

September 10, 2020

She slammed them as alcoholics and drug addicts, but controversial Queensland Senator Pauline Hanson is this week embroiled in a political scandal that stretches all the way from Melbourne’s most disadvantaged public housing estates to the most senior ranking officials at Australia Post.

It began as just your typical run-of-the-mill toxic race-based attack Pauline Hanson’s renowned for, when she appeared Channel Seven’s Summer of Nazis show ‘Sunrise’ to complain about the “derro’s” and junkies living in two separate estates in Flemington and North Melbourne in the city’s inner north-west.

The perpetually outraged Hanson, claimed that the residents of the towers were “from war-torn countries” and said “probably English is their second language” and that they had not “adhered to the rules of social distancing”.

But this week it’s been reported attempted that Pauline, in a rare moment of introspection, decided to make amends for denigrating these unfortunate souls on national television for her own political purposes by sending a small token of her appreciation via Australia Post.

And what better gift for those you have just slammed as alcoholics and drug addicts than a Pauline Hanson stubbie holder emblazoned with her mugshot and the slogan “I’ve got the guts to say what you’re thinking.”

It was accompanied with a hand-written note that read: “No hard feelings”.

You will be Vaccinated!

August 19, 2020
Anti-vaxxer Karen protests against Scott Morrison’s proposed mandatory COVID-19 vaccination

Fresh from doing absolutely nothing other than absolving himself from any responsibility for the atrocious state of Australia’s Aged Care system, Prime Minister Morrison has today announced that a COVID-19 vaccine will be compulsory for all Australians with some possible exceptions allowed on “medical grounds.”

Maintaining his stellar track record for announcing things that don’t necessarily correlate to events occurring in ‘the real world,’ the PM said that the vaccine will be free of charge.*

*Spoiler alert: There is currently no vaccine.

It follows on from that other hugely successful initiative, the Federal Government’s HomeBuilder package, launched three months ago as a lifeline to the construction industry as it risks collapse under the impact of the Coronavirus.

The scheme, worth some $680million in available grants, has only attracted 247 applications. 

But wait, there’s more.

Last week the Treasury department revealed that even with these low numbers, no payments have actually been paid.

“As of 7 August, South Australia had received 157 applications, Tasmania had received, by the 4 August, 90 applications, and those are [all] the applications that have been received to date,” Jenny Wilkinson, Treasury’s fiscal group deputy secretary, told The Gutter Trash.

“To date, no payments have been made…because the criteria for payment hasn’t occurred, she said.”

Even if all 247 applications do eventually receive their grants, it will amount to less than 1% of the original number expected to roll in.

Is there any success story this government can’t turn its hand to?

Hotel Guards hired through ‘WhatsApp’ !

July 22, 2020


In an astounding turn of events, it’s been revealed that the Hotel Security Guards responsible for maintaining COVID-19 quarantine protocols at some of Melbourne’s exclusive hotels were recruited via popular messaging app ‘WhatsApp,’ given no training and asked to ‘bring their own masks’.

In a process that’s been slammed as incredibly murky, some job applicants didn’t even know who they were actually working for.

Shayla Shakshi was one of the guards who received a WhatsApp message offering her work as a quarantine security guard in a Melbourne hotel.

“They actually contacted me and they’re like, ‘Would you like to work at this place?” she told The Gutter Trash.

“And I’m like, I don’t know who you guys are, what company, nothing.

“I just got told that you need to be here at a certain time and you’re going to dress in a certain way and this is your pay rate. That’s it.”

Towards the end of march and without any tender process, the Victorian Government contracted a number of private security operators to guard hotel quarantine guests.

The Gutter Trash has obtained a series of WhatsApp messages which reveal how some security guards were recruited to work in these Melbourne quarantine hotels.


On May 30, three days after the first hotel coronavirus outbreak at Rydges on Swanston, there was a call out for “40 guards” to do quarantine work at the hotel.

When someone in the group asked about the rate of pay, the organiser responded, “25 dollars, ABN” — signifying the guards weren’t expected to be directly employed by the company, but act as independent contractors and supply an Australian Business Number.

Ms Shakshi also claimed there were no infection-control protocols at the Stamford Plaza when she worked there in May.

“We didn’t get any training when I got there,” she said.

“They just didn’t tell us what training we had to do, we just had to put a mask on, put gloves on, and that’s it.

“They had no training of how to use PPE (personal protective equipment), how to sanitise hands, nothing. No training at all.

“Then some levels didn’t have sanitisers, so it was really tricky.

“You just didn’t want to touch anything.”

At the end of her first day on the job, Ms Shakshi said her supervisors told her to bring her own personal protective equipment to wear the next day.

“Bring your own masks from tomorrow, bring your own gloves, your own sanitisers, because we might run out because we have so many guards on site,” she said.

She was so appalled she decided it wasn’t worth coming back.

“I was like, no, I don’t want to work at a place which is so unsafe.

“That was the first shift I did …first and last shift.

“I just didn’t want to go back there.”

Within weeks of Ms Shakshi cancelling the rest of her shifts, an outbreak linked to security guards at the hotel was confirmed.

“I just knew something would happen,” Ms Shakshi said.

“Guards were hitting each other. They’re hugging each other. They were touching each other.

“They weren’t actually serious about how serious this COVID is.

“They were taking it as a joke, like, oh, it’s just some virus that anyone can get. You know, we’re not going to get it.”

Ms Shakshi watched, horrified, as that initial COVID-19 outbreak spread.

And she is just glad she didn’t stay.

“It was just really scary working there because they didn’t care,” she said.

“It was really horrible.”



Australians ‘totally smashed’ at home during COVID-19

July 2, 2020


COVID-19 is driving us to drink. Literally.

Isolation, boredom and anxiety have affected people’s drinking habits and some may struggle to return to pre-coronavirus levels of alcohol consumption, health experts warn.

“Drinking more is a bit like a ratchet, it can go up quite easily but can very hard to get it back down” says Richard Piper, the chief executive of Alcohol Change UK.

“And if home is a place you now associate with drinking, and you’re in it all day everyday, that has a risk.”

The clinical director of Sydney’s drug and alcohol centre Turning Point, Dr Matthew Frei, says getting used to drinking alone at home can become the “wedge of problem drinking”.

“It’s easy to drink at home, you don’t have to worry about driving, it’s a place of safety and comfort,” he says.

“There’s no one monitoring you, and, especially if you’re not working, there’s less barriers to start drinking earlier in the day.”

Frei says it’s not just the increased amount of alcohol being consumed that’s an issue.

“People are saying they are drinking out of boredom or anxiety,” he says.

“But when the social restrictions from the pandemic are lifted, the feelings of hopelessness or sadness, especially in people who might have lost their jobs, won’t just disappear.

“So there’s a possibility we may have a significant public health issue on our hands, with more people using alcohol to self-medicate.”

National polling by YouGov Galaxy, commissioned by the Foundation for Alcohol Research and Education (FARE) found that since the pandemic hit, 20 per cent of Australians say they are purchasing more alcohol.

Within this group, 70 per cent said they were consuming more alcohol than they used to, with one third drinking on a daily basis.

FARE CEO Caterina Giorgi said that 32 per cent of those who reported buying more alcohol admitted they were concerned about either their own increased level of drinking or someone else’s in the household.

Almost the same number of people said they were drinking more to cope with anxiety and stress.

“Alcohol sales are up over the past month and while the alcohol industry wants you to believe that people aren’t actually drinking that alcohol, this research reveals the truth,” she said.



June 19, 2020


IN THE WAKE of the Census debacle, the Robodebt fiasco and assurances that your personal data is 100% secure in the failed Covid App experiment, the Morrison government has just admitted that “all levels of government” have been hacked by a mysterious major foreign power (ie ‘Chinah’).

The timing is remarkable. Just as Scott Morrison and his side-kick are left humiliated over the bungled Jobseeker and Jobkeeper programs, along comes another travesty that conveniently allows Morrison & Co to align themselves with their role-model-in-chief, the tangerine buffoon.

President Trump, desperate to restart ‘campaigning’ amidst sliding polls, record unemployment numbers, BLM protests, and a Coronavirus death toll that’s spiralling out of control, is similarly keen to deflect away from his own domestic woes.


The Govt’s Homebuilder scheme is a crock of shit. Here’s why.

June 5, 2020

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The Govt’s Homebuilder scheme is a crock of shit. Here’s why:

To qualify for the government’s “homebuilder” grant of $25,000 you must be either  earning $125,000 or less (before tax) or $200k for families.

Grants must be spent to:

  • Build a new home as a principal place of residence valued at up to $750,000 (including land); or
  • Substantially renovate an existing home as a principal place of residence, with renovations valued at between $150,000 and $750,000 and the dwelling not valued at more than $1.5m before the renovation.

By way of context, a single person earning $125,000 is in the top income decile, meaning they earn more than 90% of other Australians.

Even the cheapest renovation eligible for the scheme ($150,000) would require a grant recipient to spend at least $125,000 of their own money – meaning the scheme is most likely to be accessed by those with substantial savings or a willingness to borrow.

Only the LNP could have dreamt up a scheme in a global recession which involves giving people with access to over $150,000 in cash and additional cash handout of $25,000 funded by the taxpayer.

Scott Morrison is calling this a “trade led” recovery, because, let’s face it, builder, developers and tradies have been struggling to get by on sub-optimal incomes for generations (sarcasm alert).

When your ‘friends’ at The Australian aren’t even buying it, you know it stinks!

“Forcing taxpayers to renovate other people’s homes to aid some tradie, who probably earns more than the average taxpayer, is economic and political stupidity”

~ Adam Creighton 

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