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Grand Final Footy Preview with ToM!

September 26, 2016
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It has been a big year in football! And there isn’t much to dislike about this season, the highlights include:
  • Collingwood, Essendon, Richmond, Port Adelaide, St Kilda, Fremantle didn’t make it into the finals
  • Essendon, proven drug cheats, finished last and appointed a pharmacist as their coach
  • Eagles put out of the finals in front of their bogan home crowd of former mining managers and unemployed drunks and dope smokers
  • The club of property developers, shady lawyers, and repulsive former Liberal Premiers (that’s Hawthorn) beaten twice in the finals
It now comes down to the last game – and what an amazing contrast!

 

  • A battling club from Melbourne’s working class west versus rich nobs (who know nothing about football) representing Clovelly, Gordon’s Bay and the nicer part of Bronte, in Sydney’s wealthy east
  • A club the AFL tried to close versus the one the AFL spends millions propping up
  • A club of people versus a cartel of corporate sponsors

 

Yes, it’s beer drinkers versus –

“Darling, is that bottle of Pinot Grigio, chilled yet darling?”

“Could you pour me a glass darling…?”

The only people supporting the Swans are deluded types that somehow believe the club has an association with South Melbourne, and loathsome Hawthorn tossers who are repulsed by the thought of working people winning anything!

In the battle of GOOD vs EVIL, I’m tipping the good guys by 12 points.

GO BULLDOGS!

Casual Racism, it’s back!

September 20, 2016
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The following article is by Alex McKinnon and first appeared at SBS…

If you have trouble understanding why British Colonial Co is offensive, remember the response when a tragic moment of white history was commodified.

Much like a cold sore, Australia’s long-running tendency to treat other people’s cultures like bin liners is acting up again.

Yesterday the internet cottoned on to the existence of British Colonial Co., a Brisbane bar and restaurant taking the heyday of the British Empire as its thematic cue. Inspired by “the stylish days of the empirical (sic) push into the developing cultures of the world”, on its website British Colonial Co. promises “a refined and modern dining experience with the adventure of east meets west in a plantation style, club setting”.

For those not up on the finer points of Britain’s imperial history, looking back with fondness at the ‘glory’ days of Empire is about on par with having nostalgic pangs for the pre-Civil War South, or sighing wistfully for the bygone times when you could chase Aboriginal people over cliffs or give them food laced with strychnine for fun and get away with it.

Exactly what’s meant by a “plantation style setting” is unclear, but presumably getting a coffee at the bar doesn’t involve press-ganging countless thousands of Sri Lankan, Indian and Burmese people into slavery to grow the beans.

Eating establishments and parties with racially questionable themes have become a domestic genre lately. In February, Melbourne eatery FAT Fried and Tasty came under fire from comedian Aamer Rahman for its murals incorporating racist iconography of black people, including one depicting rap icon Biggie Smalls holding a drumstick of fried chicken.

In 2012, the University of Sydney’s St Paul’s College threw a shindig themed around the British Raj (the Empire’s regime in India that subjugated the local population for almost 100 years), complete with “largely sub-continental wait staff” serving the mostly white, overwhelmingly wealthy crowd of revellers.

Every time one of these controversies raises its head, a counter-argument immediately springs up that goes something like this: no one meant anything malicious or mean-spirited by it, people are too sensitive about what’s clearly just meant to be a bit of harmless fun, and it’s yet another sign that political correctness is devouring our rights to free speech and expression.

People take sides, furiously agree with each other, belittle anyone who says anything different, and quietly seethe until something similar inevitably happens again.

But instead of going round in circles like these debates usually do, it’s worth using this latest debate to try and see things from a different perspective.

Happily, we can do that pretty easily: by looking at times where a tragic piece of white Australian history was commodified, seeing how society at large reacted, and asking ourselves why.

Last year, Woolworths tried to piggyback off the 100th anniversary of the ANZAC landings at Gallipoli with the toweringly misguided ‘Fresh in our Memories’ campaign.

WOOLWORTHS ANZAC COMMEMORATION WEBSITE

Understandably, people were rather upset at seeing the Woolies logo slapped over photos of dead soldiers, but the usual claims of hyper-sensitivity and political correctness gone mad were nowhere to be heard.

The same thing happened back in 2002, when a proposal to christen the Australian national athletics squad the ‘Diggers’ prompted a public outcry and the idea’s swift booting.

A governmental report released shortly after noted that “the use of the word Diggers in relation to a sports team was not accepted by the Australian community because the use of the word, in association with sport, served to dilute or trivialise the horrendous sacrifice and loss suffered by Australian and New Zealand Defence Force personnel in the first and second world wars”.

That consideration is largely why terms like ‘ANZAC’ are prohibited by law for commercial use — and yet that ban attracts no criticism as an example of political correctness run amok.

The reasons Australians get so het up about the ANZAC legacy being misused are largely the same reasons people are angry at British Colonial Co., and why things like wearing blackface to a party or climbing Uluru evoke extremely passionate responses — because trivialising suffering for frivolous reasons like making money or having a laugh is a fairly awful thing to do.

The only difference between the former example and the latter ones is that most white Australians don’t have to think about the horrific legacy of racism very much, because we are overwhelmingly beneficiaries of it.

That’s why a bar evoking British colonialism means very different things to different people. For white Australians, it means fancy clothes, funny accents and elegant cocktails.

It’s fairly unlikely that the millions of African, Asian, native American and Middle Eastern people that suffered under British occupation would have such rosy memories of the Empire’s “push into developing cultures” — or that the tens of thousands of Aboriginal and Pacific Islander people who were coerced into unpaid labour in Queensland’s immense sugar cane plantations throughout the 1800s would be overjoyed that a place making light of their enslavement is doing trade in downtown Brisbane.

For their part, British Colonial Co. have released a statement saying they are “upset and saddened by today’s media reports that our brand is causing offence and distress to some members of the community. This certainly was not our intention.”

Good to know. If they’re serious about that, though, they might want to consider a rebrand.

Alex McKinnon is a journalist based in Sydney. Most recently he served as political and opinion editor of pop-culture website Junkee and editor of the Star Observer, Australia’s longest-running LGBTI newspaper.

 

 

When did we vote for a Taxpayer Funded Hate Campaign?

September 14, 2016
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Supporters watch on as Turnbull presents his “plebiscite scheme” in Parliament

In what must be an historic move, the Labor party together with the Greens and a number of key independents look set to save Australia from a taxpayer-funded hate campaign orchestrated by the Federal Government targeting its own citizens.

Under the rules governing the proposed plebiscite campaign media outlets would be compelled to carry advertising from both sides of the debate, meaning viewers of taxpayer funded TV and radio channels would be subjected to advertising material promoting discrimination and bigotry.

If you think this sounds far-fetched here are the specific clauses for SBS on the plebiscite ads after it refused to air anti-gay ads during Mardi Gras:

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It must be unprecedented for an Australian Government of any vocation to support vilification against its own citizens with taxpayer funds to the tune of $7.5 million being allocated towards a campaign that is solely intended to marginalise and discriminate an already vulnerable minority.

Nevertheless an undeterred Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull used his 12 month anniversary in the top job to introduce his controversial plebiscite campaign to an empty chamber in Parliament earlier today.

The fact that no supporters from his own side bothered to show up suggests that this could well be the final litmus test for Turnbull’s leadership.

If, as now widely predicted, the plebiscite will fail to go ahead, it will not only sound the death knell for Turnbull’s authority amongst the electorate, but also within the party he leads.

 

EXCLUSIVE: IS HILLARY CLINTON ALREADY DEAD?

September 12, 2016
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The real Hillary Clinton has been replaced by a clone

There are major questions being raised about the fate of Democratic presidential Nominee Hillary Clinton after she collapsed at a Sept 11 commemoration on Sunday morning.

Clinton, who turned 68 earlier this year, has been in declining health since 2012 following an incident in which she suffered blood clot in the brain.

Clinton collapsed on Sunday morning as she abruptly left Ground Zero during the annual Sept 11 memorial ceremony.  She was unable to stand on her own as she was swiftly ushered into a black van along West Street in Lower Manhattan.

Aides held both of her arms to keep her from hitting the pavement.

Clinton — who has been dogged by accusations of poor health — appeared to faint shortly before a moment of silence at 9:58 a.m. to commemorate the fall of the South Tower of the former World Trade Center, sources told The Gutter Trash.

The former secretary of state’s knees buckled and she lost a shoe as her security team hustled her away, a witness said.

Earlier, she was the photographed looking pale while surrounded by pols including Mayor de Blasio and US Sen. Charles Schumer (D-NY).

Clinton was wearing dark sunglasses, and was the only person in the crowd wearing shades during the overcast morning.

A witness at the location told us that she didn’t look well at all –  “She unexpectedly left early because of what appeared to be a medical episode.”

“I have a law enforcement source who was there, who was 15 feet away form Hillary Clinton. He said she was standing on a curb with her protective detail waiting for her motorcade.”

“They were surprised to see her because she wasn’t meant to be leaving yet.”

“When it finally rolled up my source said she stumbled off the curb, appeared to faint, lost one of her shoes, which wound up under the van.”

“She started turning blue, as if she was already dead.”

Press reporters weren’t immediately informed about where Clinton was taken, but found out about 15 minutes later that she been taken to her daughter’s nearby apartment where medics were already on standby.

HILARY’S MIRACULOUS RECOVERY?

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Moments later, “Clinton” or someone closely resembling her appearance, emerged from her daughter’s apartment smiling and waving at reporters and saying, “I feel great.”

Was she overcome with emotion, given the memories attached to this day? Was she dehydrated, or too hot from standing outside in the September heat for a long period of time? Or could something else more sinister be unfolding?

HILLARY CLINTON HAS BEEN REPLACED BY “A CLONE!”

With thanks to our exclusive sources, we can reveal that Clinton was in fact replaced by a ‘body double’ after the medical emergency and we have the evidence to prove it.

Firstly, why was there already a team of medical experts on hand at Chelsea’s apartment before Hillary Clinton had even taken ill?  If this part of some greater plot to replace the US President with a clone?

Secondly, how could Clinton, already suffering from deteriorating health, manage to stage such a remarkable recovery in a matter of minutes?  It just doesn’t stack up.

Thirdly, the body double that left Chelsea’s apartment doesn’t even look like Hillary Clinton, but it explains why Hillary was wearing sunglasses at the memorial event – so that the body double could escape detailed scrutiny.

However, it’s clear from photos of “Clinton” leaving the apartment that the body double is several pounds lighter than Clinton and several years younger. Tellingly, Clinton had dark roots showing in her hair at the memorial event but was a pure blonde leaving the apartment.

“IT’S NOT HER!” SAY EYE WITNESS ACCOUNTS

Our sources corroborate these eye witness accounts.

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When have you ever seen Hillary Clinton with no one around?

Also, all through her 2016 campaign, Clinton has always been surrounded by an entourage. The majority of the entourage that are attached to Clinton are members of the Secret Service. No agents are seen with Clinton as she exits the apartment building. The following picture shows the potential body double without any of her entourage around her. When have you ever seen Hillary Clinton with no one around her?

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How many women change the shoulder they hang their purse from?

Conspiracy theorists are stating that there is no need to protect this person because she is a body double. Would the Secret Service allow Clinton to be alone after what happened earlier in the day? Many people say no and that this body double was used to make it difficult for her health issues to be brought up during the remaining weeks of the 2016 campaign.

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Holy Shit! Look at the nose – it’s two different people!

The use of a body double is a tactic that has been employed many times by world leaders throughout history. The actual term for using a body double like this is called political decoy. Some of the most famous leaders that used a body double include Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Saddam Hussein, and Osama Bin Laden. It is believed that Winston Churchill did not have a body double but a voice double.

Hillary Clinton’s health issues have slowly started to become a focal point in the 2016 election cycle. Many people want her medical records to be released so that the voters can decide for themselves if they believe that Clinton is healthy enough to deal with the stress that the President of the United States faces every day.

HOW MANY HILLARY’S ARE THERE?

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Exclusive: Another Clinton clone prepares to get in the van

How many different Hillary Clintons are there? It has been suggested that over half the US Presidential hopefuls in 2008 were human clones.

Was Hillary Clinton one of these or several of them? How many more of them are there? And how are the voters to discriminate?

 

 

John Howard’s Guide to Modern Living

September 8, 2016

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John Howard knows where women belong and it’s not in Federal Parliament.

Freshly exhumed from the Wollstonecraft retired veterans nursing home, former Prime Minister and champion of battlers John Howard has resurrected his television career with an impromptu appearance at the National Press Club to avail Australia of his much needed insights into “surviving in the modern world.”

You see unbeknown to most of us, primarily due to the fact that we’re all too busy working for a living, servicing massive mortgages and using what little remains of our spare time to wonder just what the hell is going wrong with this country, Mr Howard has been feverishly analysing society’s ever-changing demographics and more recently the so-called emergence of “women in the workforce.”

It wasn’t that long when woman knew their place was in the kitchen, doing the ironing, cooking up a roast while swinging a couple of terry towelling toddler twins from each nipple. But how things have changed.

In some circles women can now hold jobs and things without having to depend on a penis in a suit. But not so in Federal Parliament, where that little circus remains a predominantly male dominated affair.

Bill Shorten and the Greens are all in favour of greater representation of women in federal spheres, but not so from Mr Howard who issued a stark warning that we shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves with irrational “feel good” progressive ideology like “equality”.

When not really pressed for his opinion, he offered it anyway saying :

“I’m not sure you will ever have a 50-50 thing because it is a fact of society that … there (are) still women playing a significantly greater part of fulfilling the caring role in our communities, which inevitably place some limits on their capacity … It is not a terrible thing to say, it just happens to be the truth.”

You see, if only women weren’t so busy mopping the floor and washing nappies then they might have the “capacity” to engage in broader society on a more meaningful level but they shouldn’t pursue some selfish self-development agenda at the expense of their core housewife related responsibilities.

It would be easy to dismiss Mr Howard as some irrelevant, geriatric old fool, but let’s not forget that this is the same Prime Minister who not only lost the 2007 election in a monumental landslide but was served the indignity of being unceremoniously shafted from his own seat of Bennelong.

No one quite does failure like a dumped Prime Minister.

Perhaps he has taken some counsel from his equally loathsome failure of a protégé Tony Abbott who, after a largely unsuccessful career on the international speaker circuit, has taken to recreating his political legacy in his own mind by telling anyone who cares to listen what a marvellous Prime Minister he was.

It’s a peculiarity of conservative politicians that they are incapable of any sense of self-introspection or any skerrick of shame, despite being overwhelmingly rejected by a more forward-thinking public.

It’s a quality that’s unlikely to change any time soon, and perhaps that’s not such a bad thing.  It’s what makes them so quaint when they have nothing left to offer.

 

 

 

 

Yeah, nah.

September 1, 2016

I could go on, but why bother.

If you wish to keep in touch – connect on twitter: @guttertwits

 

 

 

 

 

EXCLUSIVE: LNP ECONOMIC PLAN FOR AUSTRALIA REVEALED!

August 30, 2016

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