Skip to content

Those Russian Beaver Fuckers are Gonna Beaver Fuck Us All!

February 18, 2023

Say what you will about Vladimir Putin, but he’s a cunt.

A complete and unadulterated one, and a lying one to boot. In these not-so-progressive ‘cancel culture’ times when conservative traditionalists (ie “Tories”) and right wing nut jobs whinge, endlessly it seems, about being “silenced” thanks to the aforementioned so-called “cancel culture” decrying their erstwhile enemy the “woke mob,” or simply those who don’t subscribe to their delusional “victimhood mentality,” they yell from the roof tops of any AM talkback radio show that will have them.

Thankfully, Australasia’s pre-eminent delusional and narcissistic self-satisfied cunt Scott Morrison has shuffled off the scene thanks to being unceremoniously shafted at the last election by a majority of Australians fed up with his cosplay antics and freaky religious beliefs.

But to more pressing things. We’re currently being invaded by aliens and no one – and I mean no one – seems to give a rat’s. How many so-called “balloons” in a myriad of shapes are we going to contend with before someone says enough is enough?

Frankly, I’ve had a guts full, as have others of the Toorak Concerned Citizens’ Association.

You lazy fuckers just sit idly by, while diligent upstanding local residents – like myself, and if I may humbly add, Tom of Melbourne (a lifetime paid-up member of the local Toorak Neighbourhood Watch group, incidentally) – have to to take up the slack due to YOUR resounding apathy.

That’s why WE CAN’T have nice things, and you and your nieces and nephews are getting all up in arms – offended and all the rest of it – because an almond latte decafe flat white now costs $12…! Well, cry me a fucking river.

I was standing outside my local barista (‘Starbucks’ for those in Queensland) the other day, when this young 20 something – millennial or whatever generation we’re talking about these days – rocks up and orders this skinny almond milk decafe latte, and pausing for a moment in disbelief, the barista simply replied “NO.”

That’s what I’m talking about. Enough is e-fucking-nuff. Get fucked.

Hey there you with the sad face

November 27, 2022

Bruce Lehrmann trial: Blond Bombshell Linda Reynolds’ Explosive Confession!

October 17, 2022

In explosive revelations today, Senator Linda Reynolds – dressed in a fuchsia suit jacket and sporting a fresh blond bob – was sensationally accused in court of attempting to ‘coach’ the defence lawyer, Steven Whybrow, during cross-examination, by sending him text messages during the trial, while she was apparently attending a conference in Rwanda.

Ms Reynolds was called as a witness for the prosecution, yet admitted to texting the defence lawyer during Ms Higgins’ cross-examination on October 6.

She was also grilled over her partner sitting in the back of the courtroom during the trial. 

During another heated moment in court, prosecutor Shane Drumgold asked Ms Reynolds whether she had tried to obtain information about Ms Higgins’ trial by seeking to get transcripts of the evidence from defence lawyer Steven Whybrow.

‘Have you sought the transcripts of Ms Higgins in this trial?’ she was asked. 

Ms Reynolds said: ‘I was curious to know what had been said but I was advised that it was not appropriate.’

Ms Reynolds then agreed that her partner had been sitting in the back of the courtroom during Ms Higgins’ evidence.

‘My partner has been in court,’ she said.

When asked whether her partner had been reporting back to her, Ms Reynolds said he had not. 

‘My lawyer was very clear with him not to discuss it with me.’

Just minutes after she messaged Mr Whybrow asking for the transcripts, she sent another text that read: ‘Also, if you have text messages between Brittany and Nicki, they may be revealing.’ Nicki refers to Nicole Hamar, a witness last week.

Ms Reynolds said: ‘I had previously met with the defence counsel who asked for information relevant to the case and I knew Brittany and Nicki were friends and I thought they might be able to shed some light to the matter.’

Mr Drumgold replied: What’s your motive for attempting to coach the cross-examination?

Ms Reynolds responded: ‘That’ not what I was attempting to do.’

Again, the prosecutor put to her: ‘You’re alerting the defence lawyer two hours into cross-examination. You’re injecting yourself by trying to assist in cross-examination.’

The former defence minister said: ‘I haven’t been through his process before. Both of you have talked to me about my statement. 

‘Going through this mentally, I’ve done nothing but for the last 18 months go through all of this, and it seemed appropriate.

Mr Drumgold said: ‘You’re in Rwanda and you’re texting the defence lawyer about what he could cross examine about. You don’t have better things to do in Rwanda?

R: ‘Absolutely I was interested in the case.’

When Mr Drumgold put to Ms Reynolds that she was politically invested in the case in April 2019, Ms Reynolds said: ‘Absolutely not. I categorically reject that assertion.’

Mr Drumgold then put to Ms Reynolds that her ‘dominant concern’ amid Ms Higgins’ allegations was the outcome of the election, which was called for May 18, 2019.

Ms Reynolds told the prosecutor that she ‘categorically rejects’ that concern.  

Are we hurtling towards another Global Financial Crisis?

October 3, 2022

If you’re a follower of all things financial and investment like, you’ll find that amongst economists and business journalists alike there’s a growing number sounding the drumbeat of an impending global financial crisis.

Certainly in the UK, recently appointed PM Liz Truss, quickly went to work proving she is completely out of her depth and knows sweet FA about anything by announcing a mini-budget of slashing taxes that saw the pound collapse to record lows and markets crash in some sort of typical neo-Liberal trickle-down fantasy.

Surpassing the errant stupidity of former PM Boris Johnson would seem like a challenge but not so for Truss who went MIA for days only to reappear later in a series of “local community radio” interviews that saw her parrot pre-prepared talking points in the midst of a complete economic meltdown.

Meanwhile in the US, the Federal Reserve is aggressively hiking interest rates to combat an inflation rate sitting at around 8.5%, while the RBA also shows no signs of slowing down its path of consecutive rate hikes back home.

Rumours abound that investment bank Credit Suisse is on the brink of bankruptcy, with some suggesting it could be the Lehman Brothers of our time and trigger a complete global financial meltdown.

Others suggest, it’s no long a matter of “if” but when.

AFL Grand Final Preview with Tom of Melbourne!

September 22, 2022

Tom of Melbourne brings us his exclusive take on the Grand Final 2022…!

Has there ever been a more self centred, attention seeking organisation than the British Royal Family?

Now they’re determined to disrupt our annual football festival.

Just when the attention of the entire civilised world is returning its focus to Melbourne, again hosting the AFL Grand Final, Queen Elizabeth dies. And without even considering all the scheduling disruption!

Families had already organised their drinking games for the Brownlow Medal count.   But all this had to hastily change when the Royal Family organised the funeral at the very same time.

Dozens of blonde lasses had to reschedule their spray tans and pick up early the double-sided tape to hold their frocks together. 

Even the public holiday (to mourn) is the day before our day off to celebrate Australia’s greatest cultural gift to the world! 

In the actual game, it is Geelong (representing the landed gentry demographic) versus Sydney (representing the Oxford Street demographic).

Sydney to win by 3 goals!

Peter Dutton enjoys Comfortable Lead over the ‘Margin of Error’ in Shock New Voter Poll!

August 24, 2022

A new poll has found that Federal Opposition Leader Peter Dutton retains a comfortable lead over the ‘margin of error’ in a new poll published in The Age this week at 17% to 3%.

The Resolve Strategic poll also found that the popular leader, renowned for his happy-go-lucky disposition and quirky sense of humour, was only 11 percentage points behind those voters who couldn’t make up their minds, or didn’t know who he was.

It appears that voters have abandoned the Coalition in their droves, with primary support for the Coalition falling from 36% to 28% since the election.

Labor has taken the lead on key measures that the Coalition traditionally polls stronger on.

The governing party now leads by 9% on economic management — before the election the Coalition held a 10% lead in the same Resolve survey.

The Coalition was also 15% ahead on national security but Labor now leads by 4%.

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has also extended his lead as preferred prime minister over Opposition Leader Peter Dutton by 55% to 17%.

Fun Fact:

After 6 months as Liberal Opposition Leader, Alexander Downer’s approval rating plunged from 53% to 34%, and his leadership was over.

After only 3 months, Peter Dutton is already down to 17%. That’s twice as bad as Downer, in half the time.

Pauline Hanson’s Dramatic Dummy Spit over Acknowledgment of Country!

July 27, 2022

Pauline Hanson, her of the self-titled political fringe party, has today stormed out of Parliament in protest over the traditional acknowledgement of country.

The meltdown occurred as Senate President Sue Lines acknowledged the Ngunnawal and Ngambri people as ‘traditional custodians of the Canberra area’ and paid respect to elders past and present at the opening of Wednesday’s sitting.

Hanson interjected, yelling: “No, I won’t and never will…!!”

She then dramatically exited the chamber.

The Queensland One Nation senator later said she could not accept the welcome to country, nor a proposal – to be moved later today – that would see the Indigenous flag present in the Senate chamber.

“I’ve been feeling this way for a long time,” she said. “I see this [the acknowledgement of country] as divisive.”

Hanson added the Indigenous flag had “never been voted on”.

“I will never pay respect to [that flag]. I find this flag divisive,” she said.

“We are now hearing it on flights and aeroplanes. I’m sorry – this is my country as well.”

“This is heading towards division in our nation. A them and us. And we’ll never close the gap if we continue down this path. All Australians should be treated equally and the same.”

If Hanson falls to pieces over a few spoken words and a flag, she’s going to lose her mind when she discovers the State of Victoria is planning to move Australia Day celebrations from January 26 in recognition of the concerns of indigenous Australians observing it as a day of mourning.

Alan Joyce must be held to account for Trashing Qantas

July 19, 2022

THE ANNUAL SALARY OF $24 MILLION DOLLARS is quite the reward for single-handedly destroying what was once regarded as the world’s leading airline and national flagship carrier with a reputation many other airlines could only look upon with envy.

Today however, Qantas’ reputation lies in tatters thanks to the brutal and negligent management of its CEO Alan Joyce.

As with most other airlines, booking and paying for a Qantas flight online is relatively straightforward. However from that point on, your experience is likely to be the stuff of nightmares. Should Qantas cancel or reschedule your flight, you will face an 8-hour wait time to speak to a customer service representative to discuss your options.

At check-in, you can expect organised chaos, not due to any lack of Qantas staff you understand, but because of your tardy lack of experience in not preparing for the 3-hour queues and check-in process.

Expecting your baggage to arrive at your destination when you do, is a luxury apparently, as is arriving at the destination you actually booked. Don’t be surprised if you end up somewhere entirely different, dumped at some remote terminal late at night with no ground staff to assist you and no accommodation or meal.

Can Qantas trash its reputation any faster than it has in recent months?

Why yes, of course it can!

As Bernard Keane puts it:

“The abiding theme of Joyce’s management of the decline of Qantas is his passionate loathing of his workforce. This is the man who shut the entire airline down in 2011 rather than deal with engineers, pilots and transport workers and their unions, who used the pandemic to sack 6000 workers, on top of another 7000 workers also sacked under Joyce.”

“The loss of Qantas staff has tracked its decline from a respected airline to the butt of jokes.”

“The fact that it now doesn’t have enough staff to answer phones, crew to fly planes, or workers for its outsourced baggage-handling operation is all completely on Joyce and his attitude of belligerent grievance toward the people who make the airline run day after day.”

With Australians now abandoning the airline in droves due to deteriorating service levels, lost baggage, delayed and cancelled flights and a shambolic customer service experience, it’s clear that all Joyce has achieved is to line his own pockets and those of shareholders.

It sure as hell hasn’t benefitted the traveling public. And for that, he must be held to account.

How good is the USA.

June 27, 2022

Australian Share Market in Armageddon wipe out!

June 14, 2022

THE AUSTRALIAN SHARE MARKET has suffered its worse dive since March 2020 following a horror plunge on Wall Street as surging global inflation scares investors.

The benchmark S&P/ASX200 was down 5.3 per cent in early trade with more than $110 billion wiped off stocks. 

By lunchtime, the losses eased to a 4.75 per cent drop, with the index at 6,602.7 points. 

The dramatic plunge followed a nightmare session on Wall Street amid fears an American inflation rate of 8.6 per cent in May – the highest since 1981 – would see the US Federal Reserve raise interest rates and potentially spark a recession in the world’s biggest economy.

Speaking exclusively to The Gutter Trash, a prominent Sydney based broker said “It’s a complete and utter fucking shit show.”

Another random angry person just told us to “fuck off”.

Random angry person

Where this ends is anyone’s guess, but with the RBA hell bent on raising interest rates in an attempt to rein in inflation (when the main causes of the recent bout of inflation aren’t influenced by interest rates, which is another story) the full on fallout remains to be seen.

%d bloggers like this: